@colesn: I wrote my post with the assumption that he wants to marry you, as you either implied it or mentioned it earlier. 🙂 It’s just the timeline that seems fuzzy to me. Has he said “I want to marry you soon/in 6 months/in a year/etc”? As I said before, the “In due time hun, not yet” makes me think that he is not thinking soon and may be thinking farther along than you are. If you look at just the simple meaning, ‘in due time’ means eventually or at some point in the future.
For me, I would say that two people are not ready to get married until they’re actually talking about getting in specific terms and it will happen within a couple of years. That means not just talking about marriage in general or even marriage to each other in general, but mentioning specific things (eg. “I want to get married in a few months/a year/two years” or “Let’s go look at rings!” etc). As an aside, I can certainly see why long proposals are necessary but that also means that two people are not ready to get married soon in my opinion. And that’s totally fine for them. It’s just that when you get out to more than 2 or so years away, you’re really talking about something that I would say is farther away than soon.
Does that make sense? No one can read anyone else’s mind so you don’t know whether he wants to marry you soon if he hasn’t expressed that he does and/or shown that he does. That’s why I think sooner rather than later is the perfect time to ask what’s on his mind. Next time you’re talking about marriage, throw in, “So when do you see us getting married?” There’s really no way you can be worse off in your relationship by doing that. Worst case scenario: his timeline is different from yours and he feels like he needs more time. Best case scenario: he’s on the same page with you and then either y’all can talk more about how to make it happen or he will assure you he’ll just take care of everything so that the engagement does happen.
Got a bit long-winded there, sorry.
We see women on here assume they know what is going on and not ask, and many times those women end up disappointed. That’s why I’m telling you to ask. I mean, even with my own personal scenario–we started talking about the future in what I thought were more concrete terms. So, like you, I came on here and got really excited. Then when I finally got around to asking him when he thought all this was going to happen, it was much, much later in his mind than it was in my mind. Now, we do have some circumstances that slow the process down and haven’t been together as long as you and your BF have, but it was really important to me to face the reality of what was on his mind. I stayed here and hang around on these boards for fun and because I like giving advice, but I realized on my own that I’m actually better off not rushing things even if one just looks at it from my perspective.
I have no doubt your situation will be way different than mine is, but it’s just an example that proper communication helps clarify things. There’s no way that proper communication will make your situation worse, because, as I said previously, what’s there is there. Ambiguity is not your friend here.
@SomedaymrsWDS: Aww, thanks friend! 🙂 I like to call myself a realistic optimist. I like to see things heading a certain way before I’ll let myself get carried away.
Maybe the term puppy kicking is not correct, but I just got this feeling like, here’s this person full of hope and dreams and you’re just going to rain reality onto her and maybe make her feel bad. Though to be fair, I sincerely hope I’m wrong and that OP’s BF has gotten his stuff together. I just think it’s better to figure out what the reality is before we can be very optimistic.