Post # 1
Up until a few years ago my sister was probably my best friend. We had a falling ouot over a boyfriend of hers which would have been forgivable except for her behvior during and after the relationship. My fiance always viewed her as his sister that he never had until the big fight. She said very horrible things to and about both my fiance and myself. Since all of this, my cousin and I have been really close, she is one of the few people that i can really talk to. When my sister and I got along we always said that we wouldbe each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor, but seeing as how we don’t talk but in passing, I asked my cousin (not as a cousin but as a BF). I did want to share my day with my sister so that I wouldnt regret it later on in life and because no matter what she will always be my sister, so I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. My mom, who favors my sister, thinks I am a horrible person and says that people are going to say horrible things about me for having my cousin as Maid/Matron of Honor and not my sister. Did I make the wrong choice? Is my mom right?
FYI sister wont speak to or infront of FH and he doesn’t care to have her in the wedding at all based off what she has done.
Mom shows no interest in the wedding or its planning. She didn’t even want to go dress shopping with me and told me to take my cousin and let her know when I found some I like…
Post # 3
You’re making a decision that some people don’t like, but that certainly doesn’t make you horrible. If you can’t count on your sister to be supportive (or even civil) to you and your fiance, then she doesn’t deserve the Maid/Matron of Honor spot by default.
This stuff isn’t easy, but I commend you for protecting yourself and honoring your fiance’s wishes.
Post # 4
No, you’re not a horrible person. Your reasons for choosing your cousin sound perfectly valid. It’s an issue between you and your sister, and your mom should keep out of it. I’m sorry she’s not being more helpful with the wedding stuff.
Post # 5
I think you’re actually being very mature given your sister’s past/current behaviour towards you and your fiance. Stick to your decision.
Post # 6
While I think it’s your choice, who will stand next to you at the altar, this was a missed oppertunity to reconcile with your sister. Yes, she said horrible things, but can you really stay mad at her forever? Anyway, I think it could have been the olive branch. If you feel comfortable, it might be a good idea to offer your sister a place as one of the bridesmaids.
Post # 7
I dont think you’re horrible at all. I’m in kind of a similar situation.
I’ve got one sister, and we have a very difficult relationship. She has struggled with mental illness her whole life, and up until we were late teenagers, bullied me very badly. Now that we’re older, my sister and I are friends, but I’ve never let go of the bullying and she still has her moments. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t like things to not be about her, and I know my wedding is going to be hard on her (shes the oldest, so she thinks she should be getting married first, and she doesnt like it when people focus on me, which on my wedding, they kinda will be.), and I can’t trust she will be civil on my day. I’ve asked her to just be a bridesmaid, because I can’t trust that she will be ok with helping to plan a day about me. My Maid/Matron of Honor will be my best friend, who I went to when my sister was bullying me. She’s filled the role of ‘sister’ for me, and that’s who I want as my Maid/Matron of Honor. But when I told my mom this, she flipped out and told me that it’s tradition for sisters to be Maid/Matron of Honor and I was basically asking for my sister to be mean and rude.
Long story short, I’m in the same boat, and while some people are mad/angry at me for making the choices I’ve made, they are my choices and I’m sticking to them. I hate to pull the “it’s my day” card, but I have at this point, and I am not budging. And I think it’s more than ok for you to do the same.
Post # 8
@MrsRugbee: Actually, she did. =) She wrote:
“I did want to share my day with my sister so that I wouldnt regret it later on in life and because no matter what she will always be my sister, so I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.”
I think that’s a good decision on her part, since she still wants her sister to be a significant part of her wedding.
Post # 9
@future_mrs.burns : No, I don’t think you are horrible. In fact I would likely do the same thing myself. I don’t have a sister, but I think it is YOUR day and you should absolutely do what makes you most comfortable as there will be a lot of stresses anyway!
Post # 10
I don’t think you’re a horrible person, and I think it was a rational decision to make. However, a lot of people are SUPER irrational when it comes to weddings. I don’t know why but weddings seem to cause so much drama and tend to change your relationships with people. I would think about what this means in the long run for you and your relationship with your mom and sister. If you’re ok with them holding t against you, possibly forever (not fair I know) then stick to your guns. If not, what about having 2 MOHs, your sister maybe just as an honorary one? But either way, you’re totally jusified. Good luck!
Post # 11
My sister and I disagree alot and bicker. Trust me, we’ve said it all…but I can’t imagine her not being my maid of honor. Your not a horrible person. It was your decision.
Post # 12
You’re not horrible at all. I’m not even having a family member as my Maid/Matron of Honor. It isn’t about giving family priority, it’s about having the person you consider your nearest and dearest standing there next to you. At least you are still including her, don’t listen to your mom.
Post # 13
My younger sister and I have never really gotten along. Now that we’re both in our 20s, our “friendship” comes and goes depending on her mood. She’s always assumed she’d be my maid of honor, but of all my wedding party, she has been the least involved supportive of my relationship (it wasn’t about her, so she never cared).
I knew my mom and sister would fly off the handle if I made a friend Maid/Matron of Honor instead of her, so I decided to avoid the drama and not have a Maid/Matron of Honor… just bms.
I know it’s too late for you to do that and it might be important to you to have an Maid/Matron of Honor, but I wanted you to know that you’re not the only one who didn’t want her sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, and it doesn’t make you a horrible person at all!
Post # 14
@onetwo: My bad: did not read attentively enough. Thanks for pointing it out.
Now that I understand what’s ACTUALLY going on… I think this is all totally kosher! Good for you for being the bigger person & including your sister in the party Futuremrs.Burns. The way you’re going about this is totally appropriate IMO… sorry for the previous post!
Post # 15
You’re not required to have your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor. None of my 3 sisters are going to be in the wedding party at all and one isn’t even invited to the wedding. I’m not at odds with the other two, we’re just not close and I would like to be married with my nearest and dearest at my side. You and your sister don’t speak–why would you want her to be up there with you on your wedding day?