Am I in the wrong?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1596 posts
Bumble bee

@figgnewton:  Not everyone will agree – this is kind of like those threads about should you tell your FI every detail about all past sexual behavior.   While admirable that you wanted to be honest with your mom about all of your high school behavior, I’m of the opinion that sometimes things, espeically those that are in the past and have no baring on today, are best kept private and in the past.  I don’t know any mother who would be thrilled to hear that their daughter was drinking and having sex in high school.  (Even if the daughter is now 45 and the mother is 65 – moms just don’t want to think that about their daughters.)   It’s not cool of her to throw it in your face, but I’m sure she’s hurt by it.   That information is now in the open and will have some impact.

If your DH has been dishonest about the need for babysitting in the past, I can’t blame her for wondering if history is repeating itself.  There are consequences for dishonesty, and that includes her being unsure if she’s really needed now, or just being used so that DH can have a break from childcare and do his own thing.  

If you find that there is lots of tension between you and your mother, perhaps a little distance would be good.  If she’s not put in the position to be the last minute  babysitter, then she won’t have reason to question whether she’s being ‘used’ by DH. 

She apologized to you for thinking DH lied to her, but did DH ever apologize to her about lying to her?    It would be nice, if she would give him another chance and it would be even better if everyone stopped keeping score about who’s right and who’s wrong. 

Post # 4
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

@figgnewton:  I dont think your wrong to be upset at all. She might not like it but its not up to her its YOUR life, Not hers.

Post # 5
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@figgnewton:  Let her cool off…

It’s a bit of a blow to parents when they can’t control your actions anymore and that you’re more of an equal than a child. She’ll get over it, because big picture, if all you did in high school was drink and have sex, she did a decent job.


Post # 6
8818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t think you’re wrong, in fact I think it was pretty cool and mature that you told your mom the truth. You’re grown up now, building a family and you felt comfortable enough to talk to her. She should appreciate that. The past is the past and she needs to let it go. I would be upset too, she threw it back in your face. Not cool.

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