Post # 1
My mom and I are not getting along at all right now. three days ago DH asked my mom if she could watch DD because his moms truck was broke down so he had to do her running around for her. Anyways, long story short my mom called me yelling saying that we lied to her and he was just sitting at home doing nothing. I told her that wasn’t true and we had receipts and paperwork to prove he wasn’t. He done that in the past but he’s changed.
Anyways she apologized to DH for thinkin he was lieing. She then turns to me saying I need to grow up and realize I had a part in all of this too. She said she thought I was lieing and doesn’t trust me anymore because I told her recently that I drank and had sex in high school. I’ve been out of high school for 3 years. She went off about how she feels like shit because she thought she Trusted when I said I wasn’t doing anything in high school and come to find out I was…3 years later!!!!
I honestly don’t get how she can not trust me anymore? That crap happened in high school and I thought we had a relationship now to were we could talk as friends so I opened up to her about it. Now this gets thrown in my face. I mean who is completely honest with their parents in high school? I feel like he wasn’t right about DH that she needed to feel better so she came after me? Am I totally wrong here to be upset?
Post # 3
@figgnewton: Not everyone will agree – this is kind of like those threads about should you tell your FI every detail about all past sexual behavior. While admirable that you wanted to be honest with your mom about all of your high school behavior, I’m of the opinion that sometimes things, espeically those that are in the past and have no baring on today, are best kept private and in the past. I don’t know any mother who would be thrilled to hear that their daughter was drinking and having sex in high school. (Even if the daughter is now 45 and the mother is 65 – moms just don’t want to think that about their daughters.) It’s not cool of her to throw it in your face, but I’m sure she’s hurt by it. That information is now in the open and will have some impact.
If your DH has been dishonest about the need for babysitting in the past, I can’t blame her for wondering if history is repeating itself. There are consequences for dishonesty, and that includes her being unsure if she’s really needed now, or just being used so that DH can have a break from childcare and do his own thing.
If you find that there is lots of tension between you and your mother, perhaps a little distance would be good. If she’s not put in the position to be the last minute babysitter, then she won’t have reason to question whether she’s being ‘used’ by DH.
She apologized to you for thinking DH lied to her, but did DH ever apologize to her about lying to her? It would be nice, if she would give him another chance and it would be even better if everyone stopped keeping score about who’s right and who’s wrong.
Post # 4
@figgnewton: I dont think your wrong to be upset at all. She might not like it but its not up to her its YOUR life, Not hers.
Post # 5
@figgnewton: Let her cool off…
It’s a bit of a blow to parents when they can’t control your actions anymore and that you’re more of an equal than a child. She’ll get over it, because big picture, if all you did in high school was drink and have sex, she did a decent job.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re wrong, in fact I think it was pretty cool and mature that you told your mom the truth. You’re grown up now, building a family and you felt comfortable enough to talk to her. She should appreciate that. The past is the past and she needs to let it go. I would be upset too, she threw it back in your face. Not cool.
Post # 7
@fascinated: I know it’s a blow but I thought that now I’m grown up I could talk to her. I totally get her not trusting DH(That’s why i put that tid bit in there) I just feel like I’m walking on egg shells around her now.
@KC-2722: seriously, that’s all I did. It’s not her fault I did that either.
@Lyndzo: thanks. I don’t have a lot of my friends so I opened up to her. Guess I was wrong.