Am I in the wrong?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes.  I think you should just invite her, because she IS your sister.  Your reasons are solid, but now that she lives with him, it’s almost like they’re a couple — not romantically, obviously, but in the sense that inviting one without the other is a breach of etiquette. 

Post # 3
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is really hard. If he wasn’t caring for her, I would say that it’s okay to invite him but not her. But since he’s going to be traveling with her and won’t have anyone he knows locally that could watch her, I’d let her come. 

If you really don’t want her there, then you have to accept that your brother may not come and it may damage the relationship with him. If you’re okay with that, then put your foot down that she isn’t invited. 

Post # 4
Member
8705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Since she is in his care, they are a family unit. YOUR family unit. If you insist on her not being there, I would expect that he would not attend either. They seem like a package deal — Both or none.

Post # 6
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

BabyDeer9:  Just invite her.  Is she cognitively aware, though, and capable of declining?  Perhaps she would decline anyway, since she never responded to your attempts at connecting earlier.

Post # 7
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Did you really compare your disabled sister to an interrupting disobedient child? Maybe you should just show your brother what you have written here and I imagine that the problem will be solved.

I would probably sugggest reading up a bit on acquired brain injury so you might have a little bit of understanding and compassion about what your brother is going through. It is a hard and complicated role to be a full time carer for anyone let alone someone with a brain injury.

Post # 9
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes. Just let her go to the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Do you know anyone in the medical field who you can possibly even offer to hire for a few hours to stay with her if he agrees? I will say this though…it wouldn’t hurt to try to plan time together with all of you a couple days before when he arrives.  I know she hurt you before with her actions, but I think you will hurt your relationship with him if you exclude his/your sister who he cares for and loves very much.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The fact that you guys share a parent shouldn’t mean that you automatically have to invite anyone to a very intimate occasion. If you don’t want to invite her, don’t. You know the consequences it may have on your relationship with your half-brother. Don’t let anyone push you into giving in if this is something you feel strongly about. 

Post # 13
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

BabyDeer9:  Yeah I personally don’t think that you have to invite her, especially since you were never close and she actually chose not to have a relationship with you.  Your bother clearly loves her though so I agree, just be sensitive and tread lightly.  It may not all work out, but I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

Post # 15
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I agree with KarenK. Follow your gut and your heart. This is YOUR wedding day, do what will make you happy. It looks like you have considered everything and know what you want. I will second what KarenK said, don’t let anyone push you into giving in.

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