am I in the wrong? guest list dilemma

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: let the girlfriend come?
    let the girlfriend come : (19 votes)
    28 %
    stick to your guns, no guests that weren't already invited : (48 votes)
    72 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I was invited to my cousin’s wedding when I was 18 without my boyfriend I had been dating for a year and I would have never expected him to have been given an invite.  However, if your cousin’s son is living on his own with the girlfriend I do think he should have received his own invitation (not to his mother’s house) and the girlfriend should be invited.  If you have guest’s decline would you be able to extend an invite to her without going over capacity?

    Post # 4
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I can see why he’d feel slighted, since his mom’s BF of less time is invited. He is techinically an adult as well.

    Post # 5
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Personally I would be really mad if someone had added on a guest without even asking, it’s just plain rude! If she had called before hand I would have discussed it with FI as they live together. However, because of her assuming she could do what she wants there would be no way I would add the extra guest on now. If you budge for one person then its only going to escalate with other things. Stick to your guns x

    Post # 6
    Member
    1771 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @ferdie224:  I don’t think you’re wrong. I’m sure the girlfriend is a nice person, but if you have guestlist/monetary restrictions, you shouldn’t be forced to invite someone you barely know. Your cousin’s son would know other people/family attending, I’m sure. Him refusing to attend just sounds like he’s being a pouty teenager. And that’s 100% not your problem!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1403 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    With 100-120 guests you won’t really lose the intimacy – with that many people you won’t even notice she’s there.   It’s up to you but if someone has already offered to cover the cost of going over and you’d rather not deal with the drama I would invite her.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2328 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If it were me I would say that if there are spaces then she can come, but I wouldn’t go over the limit, especially if it is going to cost you lots of money. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee

    Let it float right off your back.  They are being extremely rude all around.  And obviously your wedding doesn’t mean enough to your cousin’s son to come alone, so why on earth should you shell out a bunch of extra money for someone who couldn’t care less?

     

    Stick to your guns and forget about it.  Wishing you a beautiful day!

    Post # 10
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    @ferdie224:  While they were rude to write in a guest that wasn’t invited, you were also unfortunately not the most polite in your inviting. 

    Social units (people married, engaged, living together) must always be invited together.  The second cousin who doesn’t live at home, should have received his own invitation including his live in partner if you wanted him to be invited.

    Since you were also in error in not inviting her, I’d consider it a wash and find a way to invite her to correct your mistake.

    Post # 11
    Member
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Maybe if they had called ask explained and asked nicely, but since they were rude about it I wouldn’t give in!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @andielovesj:  I agree.

    They live together and are old enough to be married. I get where you’re coming from, but I may just opt out of inviting cousins children all together.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    954 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @ferdie224:  The same thing happened to me.

     

    My husbands Aunt and her family (whom I had never met) added their youngest sons girlfriend (who, no one in the family had yet to meet), and I had to speak to them about it, because like you our venue was very limited, so we really invited only family and very few friends of our own. I emailed her a month before, and I hadn’t heard back. I know they were a touch miffed (I wouldn’t say upset, just put off I guess?) but in the end it worked out.

    My reasoning for not budging was that firstly we had a 70 person limit, and we had friends who were ok with just coming to the reception (we have awesome friends!) whom I would’ve loved to have at the whole affair, but because DH’s family all had to travel about 10hours to get to Ottawa, and since they’re all from the same little town (except the one aunt I mentioned above) there was no getting around not sending everyone an invite :/

    Also, I had to say no to other people who had made guest list requests, because I didn’t want to make one allowance and open a can of worms and have everyone asking, or assuming because we had already made one allowance for someone else, that we would do so for anyone.

    I found people were understanding, it is your day after all! I know it’s hard because you don’t want to upset anyone, but ultimately the decision is up to you. Hopefully your aunt comes around.

     

     

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I agree with a few PPs that while it was a huge breech in etiqutte for them to decide to add an extra guest without asking, the invitation was also an example of poor etiquette. Your cousins 18 year old son is not living with his parents, and is an adult living with a partner. I’m sure you would be miffed too if someone sent out an invite snubbing your fiance. It was surely an over sight, but if I personally were in this situation I would apologize for the breech in etiquette, explain the parameters of the venue briefly (we invited at max capacity, sorry) and offer to extend a seat to her upon recieving my first RSVP expressing regret.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @ferdie224:  yeah now you have me rethinking cousins kids. It’s tough.

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