- 3 years ago
So FI and I have been together for 6 years and have never had real issues in our relationship. He has a good friend who he met maybe 3 years ago, who is a good friend from law school. This friend (female – let’s call her S) has since moved away from where we live, and lives in a city that’s within driving distance. I’ve never been that close with her, though we’re friendly.
In the last few years, S, along with some of their other mutual school friends (male and female), would visit over a weekend when I wasn’t around – no big deal, FI deserves some time with his friends. But then gradually the other friends started to fade away, and the only times they continued to get together were times where I already had other plans – weird since I never had an issue hanging out with them, but fine, since there was usually at least 1 other friend around.
Two weeks ago, I was out of town for the weekend to visit extended family, and I couldn’t really talk to FI much over the weekend as I was so busy with family stuff. He casually mentioned to me when I got back that S visited him over the weekend, and they hung out together alone all weekend, going out to dinner, bars, a movie, and brunch before S left to go home. He did specify that they slept in different bedrooms.
Honestly, this really bothers me. I’m not a jealous person, and I have no issue with his female friends – but it bothers me that FI and S only get together on weekends I am not around, and that she spent the weekend alone with him this time. Plus the stuff that they did were all things I would do with him – it felt oddly like FI and S had a weekend-long date. We are about to move to a place that’s only got one bedroom, so what will happen the next time she visits when I’m not there?
I guess I am just upset at the fact that he didn’t tell me about it before hand, and that he thought it was ok for her to spend the night – I would have hoped we would be on the same page with those things. But then I’m conflicted because I feel like such a jealous B – I want FI to keep his close friends, and I have no issues with S, but I do hate that she texts/emails him ALL THE TIME and then only visits (and spends the night!) when I’m not around. It just makes me uncomfortable and feels inappropriate, even though I trust FI and I can’t figure out why. I also know I would probably never have a single male visit and stay the night at my place alone without telling FI about it first.
I talked to FI and told him I was uncomfortable. I stressed that I didn’t want him to stop having female friends, but to just respect my boundaries on spending the night. He really didn’t understand why I was uncomfortable, so now I’m just starting to really doubt myself. How would you folks on the Bee feel in this situation?? Thanks for any advice.