Am I just a "Guest" without a name?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  You’re not wrong….some bride’s aren’t as attentive to details as they should be with their inviations, which I feel is an eggregious error on their part…you get one chance to make a first impression and a lot of bride’s forget that its the invitation that does that….if I get a shottily made, sloppily addressed thrown together invitation, I find it hard to muster much enthusiasm for the event itself….but when I see a carefully crafted, not necessarily expensive invitation, well, I feel welcome already….

Have a shirt made that says, “GUEST” across it, give it to the bride as a gift…she’ll get the idea

 

Post # 4
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  First, you’re not doing your invites wrong – if you know the name of the person the primary guest will be bringing, it’s polite and very thoughtful to put that person’s name on the invitiation as well.

That being said, ettiquette dictates that whomever’s name is on the invitation is who is invited, with no exceptions. So, on the very off chance that a couple breaks up before the wedding (by no means am I saying you and your FI will AT ALL – promise Smile), the primary guest, if following the “rules”, cannot just decide they are going to bring someone else in the original date’s place. So I think that’s why some people leave the “and guest/and escort” rather than putting in a name.

I totally feel you though – one of my best friends got married last August and when I received the invitation it said “Tigergrrl2008 and Guest” even though I had already been engaged for eight months, had been dating my FI for 6+ years, and the bride in question had hung out with me and my FI multiple times before she even met her DH and then multiple times after they started dating/got engaged. At the end of the day, some people are just plain oblivious and/or rude. So smile and know that you are be considerate and thinking of others feelings, which is always an amazing thing and definitely will reflect on you in a positive light.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Post # 5
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I hate the idea of saying ‘and guest’ and even though we’ve decided to give all our non-family 18+’s a +1 (even if they’re currently single) I hate the idea of writing ‘and guest’.

You definitely should have been invited by name!

Post # 6
Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We invited everyone to our wedding by name. It’s definitely rude to just call you “and guest” — if they have assigned seating at the reception, will your placecard read “Mr. X’s +1” ??

Post # 7
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  You’re not wrong. However, before Weddingbee, I’m not sure I would have known that you’re not supposed to put “and guest”. I mean, we see posts all the time about guests saying “My husband can’t come, so can I bring Random Person in his place?” so clearly some people think they’re inviting Person A (who I know the best) and Guest (who will probably be his FI, but if she can’t come he can bring whoever!). I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just do yours properly. 

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@tigergrrl2008:  +1. If it was my wedding, I’d invite my friend and their partner would be their +1. If I addressed them both by name and they broke up, I’d potentially be stuck with both of them at my wedding.

I wouldn’t be fussed over a small detail like this – your FI got a +1 and the assumption is it’s for you.

Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  like PP mentioned, probably just an oversight and not as in tune to details as you!  But try to take offence, I’m sure you’re FI picks you as his +1 Laughing

Post # 10
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My invitation rule is married couples, engaged couples and long term relationship (1 year and/or living together) couples all get addressed by name.  Newer relationships or singles are sent as Named Friend + Guest.  But it’s easy for me, I’m sending out fewer than 75 invitations.  Knowing now how much work goes into all of this, I’m a little more forgiving when someone’s sending out 200+ invitations.

 

Post # 12
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This is one of the finer points of etiquette that many people don’t know.  There’s a big difference between doing it graciously when it’s your turn and taking offense to something like this when no offense was intended.  I realize I’m being hypocritical since I do think adding uninvited guests etc. IS very rude.  Reading the names in an invitation just seems a lot more elementary I suppose.  

Post # 15
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  I wouldn’t spend much time thinking about it.  Maybe they addressed invitations that way to anyone and everyone who isn’t the other half of a married couple.  Or maybe they didn’t know your last name or g address and were too lazy or embarrassed to ask. Of course it’s totally improper, and it lacks consideration, but in the absence of anything else that points to an intentional snub, I would let it go. 

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