(Closed) Am I just a spazzzz?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It depends. Did he say this to her in front of you, trying to make her feel better, or privately/hiding it from you? If it was a friend, I’d be fine. But if it was sneaky or flirtacious, I’d be mad.

Post # 5
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@figgnewton:  I think it depends on the context of the comment. I doubt he meant any harm by it and I don’t think paying another woman a compliment is necessarily a bad thing. Were you present when he said this to another woman? And I think it is probably an innocent comment if he wasn’t trying to hit on her. I wouldn’t be bothered by it too much if my FI said that to another woman especially if I was present. But like I said I think it depends on the context of the comment and how much you trust your husband. 🙂 And I also think different women would react differently to this. It wouldn’t bother me but I know women that it would bother. If it bothers you, you should talk to you husband about it and tell him how you feel. 

Post # 6
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@figgnewton:  mmm yeah… if he’s trying to hide it, something is fishy. Have you confronted him?

Post # 8
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

to me, it sounds like a polite way of rejecting someone. does he get hit on a lot? you said this isn’t the first time but what were the circumstances the other times? maybe he’s hiding it so you won’t get upset. again, it really sounds like something you would say to someone you are rejecting.

Post # 9
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@calibee79:  agreed…

but do you know where she came from? like the context of this? where he knows her from?

Post # 10
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It really depends. I can see my FI saying this harmlessly to one of his female friends to make them feel better about themselves during a difficult time. 

It’s really hard to tell without the context and knowing other aspects of your relationship and history.  

Just talk to him about it though – you should never be afraid to have open communication with your DH (even if you’ve already had a fight).  It’s not healthy to walk on eggshells for anyone!

Post # 11
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@figgnewton:  Ugh. Sorry you have to deal with this. Has the girl responded? Or any conversation between the two of them? It would definitely piss me off and I would’ve confronted DH. It could be innocent… but I don’t think it is ever appropriate for a married person to privately chat with someone like that.

Post # 12
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

if it wasn’t the first time this happened, I would just HAVE to say something..but that’s me..I can’t keep my mouth shut to save my life. But you’re right, with those details you’ve added, it doesn’t sound all that innocent. I would just have to read the entire conversation to see if it were unintended or not.

Post # 13
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It does sound like it could be a completely innocent way to console a friend going through a bad breakup.  I could honestly see myself saying something along these lines to a guy friend who was complaining about girl problems.  It is just one of those common things people say.

That being said, I would still ask him who she is and how he knows her. 

Post # 14
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

A lot of people say these types of things to friends in need, but don’t mean them to be anything other than uplifting/encouraging. When you say he’s done it before – did something happen where he followed that comment up with something? If not, it seems pretty innocent to me.

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