Thank you all ladies, you’ve given me a lot to think about and perspective.
I’ve posted about my husband before and our issues and I see more and more maybe he and I should see our pastor for councelling.
It’s not that I think he’s going to go out and cheat, it’s that I worry that he’s going to go out and drink. I trust him when he’s drunk but* when we met he had a drinking problem, since our wedding it seems to be worrying me a lot that he will go back to it.
About 4 months into our relationship his drinking was causing fights every night so I told him to quit the alcohol or I’d have to leave, and he surprised me by stopping completely and totally that minute. For years he was always saying “I just don’t want to drink any more, the desire isn’t there any more” but right before the wedding with the bachelor party he got smashed and did some things I didn’t agree with, then during my party he went out and drank again when he was supposed to be home with out daughter (he did leave her in good hands with his parents though) then on the cruise he got drunk, making it 3 times in 2 weeks of getting drunk. I told him about my concerns that he was going back to his old habits and he agreed to cool it with the alcohol.
Then last week we got into an argument because he was wanting more time with his friends, he plays music with them twice a week and goes out hunting once a week but he wanted time to go party with the guys that took him on his bachelor party as well, so much that he started a fight over it.
We talked it through Monday but I found myself again Friday having him ask me how I would feel if he went out for the night (third week in a row he’s asked to go to a bar on Friday), I want to be understanding so I agreed and told him I didn’t like the idea of him drinking and he agreed not to.
But maybe I was just being paranoid, when he got home he jumped right in the shower brushed his teeth and got into bed. I wasn’t in the mood for anything really so I went back to sleep, but it was hard to stay asleep. I kept having dreams that he was so overwhelmed with the new child that he left me, and I would wake up worried and concerned that this is some crisis he’s going through since it all started once I found out I was pregnant.
On Monday I told him I feel like he’s doing all of this and wanting to party because he’s worried about settling down with the new baby or something but he said “we are at the prime of our youth, we should be out doing things” to which I replied we were at the prime of our marriage and should be doing things together. He apologized and said he understood but it doesn’t look that way since it only took a few days until he was back asking for more nights off.
“I know it’s not my night, my nights are Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday but I really want to go to the bar and play music tonight, if that’s ok with you.”
“To be honest, I’d really like if you stayed with me tonight since it’s been such a long day and we have moving to do early in the morning BUT I wont be mad if you do go, you’ve been asking to go out for weeks now and I’m not a prison warden or anything”
And the conversation was left at that. When we got home I went to lay down for a few minutes because my legs were killing me from work and moving and while I was laying down he called his friend and started to load up the equipment and was out the door.
I think we need a third party to sit in and assess this, this is the longest running issue we have ever had and it’s driving me insane