(Closed) Am I nuts? I think I am. (Vent)

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yep I was jealous of others too but you just have to realize you’ll get your chance until then I don’t know…

Post # 4
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Anne9091: No I dont think your nuts, but that situation with your friend seems a bit out of the ordinary to be honest :S Well, if they are happy I suppose…

Anyways, back to you- I totally get where you are coming from, but right now just try and dipping your toe into the water when it comes to really thinking about marriage- not weddings, or engagements, but marriage, and what it means to you. Then, when it feels right (for you and SO) you will have a better idea of what it is you are hoping for. As for being jealous, yeah, of course, we all feel jealous at one time or another (hell I feel a slight ping meself, and I know he has the ring for petes sake!)- I think if you approach it with good humour though, like you seem to be doing, it wont be such a big deal to you later on 🙂 Enjoy this awesome time with your SO, and starts just thinking about your future together.

Post # 6
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Anne9091: Well, be grateful that you will have such an awesome foundation that you personally will never be plagued by the fear that you WONT be that 90 year old couple that still steals kisses from time to time. If you wait, and are patient, its not a longer time from an engagement, its adding years to your relationship and possible marriage by waiting (hey, even the stats agree with me!). I think its wonderful that you feel so secure in your relationship that you feel like this is the one for you, that you could marry this man- its a wonderful feeling to know you are in the right place, at the right time- so no matter what your friend is doing (and I HATE to be judgemental, but honestly her chances of a future with clear skies are very slim due to the circumstances of her case, but I could very well be wrong here!)- you have to remember that its not about the ring, the party, etc- its about the marriage, and in order to really get to that point, you gotta work on what you have now- which is a growing relationship.

Post # 7
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

To help me give some advise I was wondering what age bracket you fall into ie 18-24, 25-30, 30+,

ie if you were 18-24 I would say slow down enjoy being single, cause he may not have marriage on the cards or his radar for 5+ years. 

The 25-30 bracket tends to be the age a lot of people get married so I get how you might feel, I started to get jealous of my friends getting engaged from about 25 onwards haveing said that we had been together (living together too)for 7 years at that point, I had finished uni and we had just bought a house. If you fall into this category, again dont spend your time worrying about marriage, keep it in the back of your mind and dont let it consume you….remember its not the be all and end all.

30+ I hate to say it we can feel like everyone has settled down and the clock has started to tick…..Also you will have already done the dating, gf bf thing and its time to get serious……I would give him an exta year no longer.

Post # 8
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You’re not crazy; I think it’s normal to feel proposal/wedding jealousy while you’re in a committed relationship no matter what age you are. But it’s how we react to it that makes a difference. Simpleandchic has some good advice!

Welcome to the bee! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I worry for you Anne9091.  If you are this focused on getting married and you haven’t talked about it at all, I think it’s possible you’ll get increasingly anxious and stressed as you wait.  So have some conversations with your SO about where this is leading, and do what you can to manage your stress (activities etc.) and put it out of your mind. 

To be honest, I think one year is a reasonable time to know, but very early to be going home and crying over a friend getting engaged (in a very unstable relationship at that) when it’s crying because you are not engaged rather than out of worry for her.  I echo Simple’s point, that your age matters a great deal here.  If you are under 30, expect it’ll be a long road yet ahead of you.  If you’re over 30, it’s reasonable to start talking about the future and think you might move faster.  (That said, I do disagree to only give it one more year over 30…I’m almost 32, 3 years dating and it’s looking like we’ll be ring hunting this summer.  It’s not a death sentence to be older and not engaged at 2 years dating after age 30!  Although my family agrees with you.) 

Post # 10
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@kay01: haha sorry didn’t mean it quite like that but well said. 

Post # 11
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah. Don’t be envious of your friend. That has a snowball’s chance in hell of working out in the long run. I sincerely wish your friend the best, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Age will play a part here, even though it often seems like it shouldn’t. Age is supposed to be just a number right? However, certain age groups do have certain patterns that are noticeable, with exceptions sticking out here and there. For instance. My SO is 21. Most guys his age do NOT get engaged. There are a few that do though.

You should talk to your guy in a way that suits you and your relationship. How skittish is he? What’s the tone of your relationship? Playful? Serious when it matters? Some guys honestly do need to be told straight out that you want to get married. Point blank! Some get the hint if you bring it up casually while teasing a little. I can’t say what will work for you two. You can be gradual about it, dropping hints and bringing it up gently here and there. Baby steps. Or you can sit down and have a serious discussion. Do what works for you two.

I will say that once a man knows you want to be engaged and then married, they DON’T forget it. Even if he doesn’t say a word, it’s still in his mind. It will be from now on once you mention it. Once it is clear that you want this, any further talking on your part will be a waste of breath.

Post # 12
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@Tunacupcakes: 

 Once it is clear that you want this, any further talking on your part will be a waste of breath.

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