Am I obligated to attend my SIL’s crazy bachelorette party?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
1180 posts
Bumble bee

marie_antoinette:  Was she invited/did she go to your bachelorette party? Personally, I don’t see it as a social obligation, especially since you guys aren’t close and don’t hang out any other time. I’d graciously decline.

Post # 3
42117 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

marie_antoinette:  It’s hard for strangers to give advice when we don’t know the dynamics of your family relations.

If you really think it was only a courtesy invitation, then you can decline.

If you have doubts about what her reaction would be, despite the fact that it is a 2 hr drive, you could still choose to attend the dinner, then drive home. It wouldn’t kill you and would be great for future famiy relations.

Post # 4
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

marie_antoinette:  Personally, it’s your husband’s sister – I think you should be supportive and go. I don’t see how any of what you described sounds “crazy”. If it were an expensive flight away I would understand.

Post # 5
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I did not go to my SIL bachelorette party for pretty much the same reasons.  I don’t know any of her friends, she is about 6 years younger then me, we are not super close, and it just felt odd for me to be there, so I politely declined and got her a bottle of something to drink for the night.

Post # 6
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Can you go and just not stay the night?  Just go for dinner and go back home.  You could always come up with a white lie – you have to be up early in the morning for something, for example.  Do you have another friend who lives there that you could go visit afterwards if you don’t want to be out all night?

Post # 7
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eh, I don’t think you’re obliged to go. But it might be a good oportunity to bond with your SIL. But if you really don’t want to go and will have other opportunities to bond, then I wouldn’t lose sleep if you miss the bachelorette.

Post # 8
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You’ve no need to attend. Let alone drive for 2 hours to watch a group of people you neither know nor hang out with get mullered. Send apologies and best wishes and then leave them to enjoy their evening in the way that suits them. 

Post # 9
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

If you really don’t want to go…  I’d get her a cute/sexy teddy as a gift or call ahead to the restaurant and pay for a bottle of bubbly or something like that instead.

But you might actually enjoy it! Only you know the family dynamics.

Post # 10
1716 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you need to attend. You may be married to her brother, but that doesn’t mean you have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Also, if the two of you aren’t close, I doubt you being around her and her drunk friends is going to bring the two of you together. There are better ways to bond than that. 

Some people are saying you should go to be “supportive”, but, come on, this is just a party — she doesn’t need support for that. 

I wouldn’t go. 

Post # 12
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


I don’t think you NEED to go.

But!!! I guess this depends on the kind of personality you have. Personally, I would go and make a good effort to enjoy the festivities with her and get to know the other girls. Im a pretty outgoing person though so I would take advantage of a weekend away and just be really friendly and helpful. Especially if it were my husband’s sister. But it seems you really have no desire to approach it that way.

So in answer to your question, no you aren’t obligated to go 🙂

Post # 13
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

marie_antoinette:  I’m guessing you mean AC? I always have fun there, and isn’t that what a bachelorette is supposed to be? If you really don’t want to go, then don’t go, but I think it sends a message that you don’t really want to be friends or close with your SIL.

Post # 14
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you should go just for the dinner at least but if it’s not something you want to do then don’t force yourself. Why not send an extravagant gift instead – depending on the type of crowd- a hunky male singing telegram/stripper. They still make those right? Or maybe offering to pay for a limo for the night. Or depending where they are staying sending up a fruit/munchie platter to the room.  Or what about delivering a hangover care package.  Just something that says thinking about you sorry I couldn’t make it. 

Post # 15
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

JrzyGurl:  Maybe she doesnt? 

Why do women have to be BFFs with their in-laws? Honestly i dont get along with women in general, and i have yet to attend a shower or bachelorette for any of my sister in laws.  I have different issues with some of them, and i also hate showers and bachelorettes so i dont go and send a gift instead.  They can take it personally if they want but honestly those kind of events make me want to vomit. 

FYI i was called the Anti-Bride. Baby showers i will attend though. lol. 

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