Post # 1
The title should say it all but there is some background needed here. SIL and I used to not get along to the extent of not speaking to eachother for over a year (even if in the same room). She hurt me very badly and refused to recognize it. We are on okay terms now but I still do not trust her or particularly care for her. FSIL can be nice but our personalities dont always mesh well especially if she has been drinking. She just overwhelms me sometimes. So the SIL I dont want in the wedding at all. It makes me feel guilty and I wish it were different but the thought of having her around me so much on my special day would make me sad. FSIL would be a gamble to have in the wedding. It may be a good day or a really bad one where she is rude or belittles me. If I had her in it I feel like I could not leave SIL out for sure! If I decide I cant have either do I need to explain myself to them? Any advice is appreciated! Have any of you had to make a difficult decision regarding family like this? How were you able to handle it?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I wouldn’t. I’d rather not have a bridal party than have people I don’t even like standing up for me. What is the point? I honestly don’t get bridal parties in general.
Post # 4
I get along with my FSIL but I won’t be having her as a bridesmaid. We get along well but the bridesmaids are supposed to be really close with the bride, so groom’s sisters or bride’s brothers’ wives do not automatically get included. If the groom wants his sister in the wedding party she can stand on his side. I may get my FSIL to do a reading, perhaps you can get your FSIL to do a reading? As for your SIL I wouldn’t have her in it at all. The bridesmaids should be women close with YOU, not just those you feel obligated to include.
Post # 5
Hi @stbt125: I see this is your DEBUT post on WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob… lol here on WBee… in so much as I know all the “traditional” rules of North American Etiquette
(These can differ somewhat from Modern Etiquette… but they are regarded to be the most polite / considerate)
Your WBee Profile doesn’t tell me where you are from… but if it is NA, the answer to your Question is NO… having a Bridal Party is not an absolute requirement
The only true task that a Maid of Honour & Bestman perform is to stand up for the B&G, and sign the Registar / Marriage Certificate as witnesses
In truth, anyone can sign as a Witness.
Bridal Parties also are expensive… as you as the Bride & Groom will have obligations to their comfort beyond just that of a normal guest.
(Obligations can differ based on Traditonal vs Modern Etiquette, Local Customs… and even Family Traditions)
IF you seriously feel that having to make such a choice is just going to bring much FAMIILY DRAMA & TRAUMA into your life (whether you have 1 or 2 of them… or someone else) then ya I might just skip out on a BP entirely as @prahajess: said above.
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
No. If you don’t want either one of them in your bridal party, don’t ask them. You don’t have to justify your decision to them, either. It’s your wedding, you can set your own rules.
Post # 7
I didn’t have my SIL in my bridal party.
Post # 8
@prahajess: True, if I dont care for them why would I want them there. I think I just wish we did grt along.
@Jacqui90: So glad to hear you do get along with SIL but they are not in the wedding. You are right that it shouldnt be an obligation!
@This Time Round: Thanks for the welcome! 🙂 I do want to have a small bridal party that includes my sister and two close friends. I am in NA!
@SnoopDog: Thank you I will make my own rules! I wont be bullied into justifying it to them either
@gelaine22: i guess its not a rule! Hehe
Post # 9
Nope. To me the places of MOH and bridesmaid are for those who are close to me. I asked a good friend, and my sister. I didn’t ask either of my FSIL’s, and they have never asked about it.
Post # 10
No, you don’t, unless it’s really important to your FI. What does he think?
Post # 11
I can completely relate! My SO has 2 sisters one whom I get along with very well and the other who I used to get along with and like your FSIL she and I had a falling out as she did some very hurtful things. I’m a waiting bee so who knows things may change between now and my wedding but for me personally, I would rather leave both of my SO’s sisters out of my wedding party, because I would hate to create conflict and I just dont feel like she deserves to have a special place in one of the most important days of my life. I will have so many things to worry about with planning my special day without having to worry about her childish behaviour. Hope my insight helps 🙂
Post # 12
@stbt125: No. If you do not want her in the wedding, don’t have her in the wedding. I did not have my husband’s only sister in our wedding because she and I are not close friends. There are so many potential stressors when planning a wedding, please don’t let this be one of them. I think you should talk with your partner about how you feel and if he’s on the same page as you (hopefully, he will be) then I think you should tell your future SIL as soon as possible. By telling her far in advance, it will give her the opportunity to process it and hopefully become okay with your decision. Hope it all works out! 🙂
Post # 13
I am having 7 bridesmaids and not asking my FSIL. I’m 32 and she is 19 and we have absolutely nothing in common. She’s nice but we’re not close and she is immature for her age. We’re asking her to do a reading during the ceremony instead so that she feels included. I definitely don’t think you should feel obligated to ask them to be bridesmaids if you don’t want to.
Post # 14
I’m not having my FSIL in my wedding, her and I don’t speak and she’s not even coming. Planning has been a lot easier as a result of her not participating. Do what makes YOU comfortable and happy.
Post # 15
No, I didn’t have either in my wedding.
Post # 16
@stbt125: It’s your wedding. Have people in your wedding party that you actually WANT there, not because you feel obligated. No need to explain to them.