Am I (or we) being a bridezilla?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can you do your “just us” thing in Vegas and then have a small back home reception where you get dressed up so your grandmother can see her baby?

Post # 4
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My hunk and I wanted to elope too. We weren’t into a big deal. This is the idea we had when we were talking about engagement.

Once we got engaged his mother tells us that it would break her heart if we didn’t have a wedding for her and our families to come to.

Now we are planning the wedding and it’s almost here and most all things have be hijacked and controlled by the wishes of others. I still long for the just us elopement, but now I am too far in.

Maybe try your best to explain to grandma you blissful idea of eloping and being liesure and spontaneous with the man you love.

 

I wish you all the best!

Post # 5
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@wildirishrose:  I think at this point you two should go to Vegas and then have a very small reception with grandma at someon’e home or a nice restaurant where you have on a nice dress.

If you don’t want a wedding, don’t do it. They are stressful to plan even when you are excited.

I would talk to grandma, tell her your plans, and leave it be.

Post # 6
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

PPs are right.  If you don’t want a big wedding, don’t plan one.  You aren’t being a bridzilla for that.  If you wanted to drag sick grandma out to Vegas, that would be another story.  Your family is being more selfish than you are.

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I have gone through a similar situation and now, 12 days before my wedding, I so wish I had eloped.

I would like to tell you that “It is your life. Do what you want.”…but I know that is easier said than done when family is involved.

Post # 8
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

You aren’t being a bridezilla for not wanting a wedding.

Keep your plans and just let others get over it. I’m sure your grandmother would rather you be happy then see you have a wedding you hate/don’t want and be unhappy. I’d just explain it gently to her and if others have a problem with it tough cookies.

Post # 9
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@gelaine22:  I think this is the best idea.

 

@wildirishrose: You can still elope and have your dream day and then have a small, family reception to make you ailing grandmother happy. My grandmother recently passed away and I would do anything to let her be present for our wedding. I’m not trying to guilt you into anything, I just don’t want you to have to live with regret.

Post # 10
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Are you being a bridezilla?  Hmm, well I guess that depends on the definition of the word…

Let’s not worry about the label. 

With regards to your wedding, are you acting in a way that doesn’t take into accounts the feelings of others?  Well, yes, you are.  Is that necessarily bad?  Hmmm…it’s not a cardinal sin, but it’s not very nice either.

On the one hand, it’s your life adn you should make choices that you feel comfortable with.  You are adults and you should be able to do this in a way that you see fit.

On the other hand, a wedding is an important right of passage in western culture (and most other cultures, but not all) that is NOT just about the bride and groom, but about their families as well.  Your close family has the right to feel slighted that you do not want them to be present on a milestone day that (it sounds like) they have been dreaming about for years.

You could go either way.  I’m sure they’ll get over it if you proceed with your plan to elope, but you’ll have made an important statement to them about their importance and influence in your life. 

Personally, family is my #1 priority so that wouldn’t be my choice.  I would go for a compromise where you do an extremely intimate wedding with your immediate family, maybe at a small wedding chappel nearby.  Keep it very simple and do it on short notice so it doesn’t have time to get out of hand.  (I’m talking ceremony, cake and bubbly, family pics, and none of the crazy trappings that make weddings insane.)  Think of it as a gift you are giving your family.  Then, I would proceed on your roadtrip as planned and do the vegas drive thru to fufill the fantasy you and your FI have.

But that’s just me.  I don’t know your family and if they are worth the effort.  Mine is.

 

Post # 11
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You can love your grandmother and still choose to elope. You are not the one responsible for her happiness. That’s her job.

In this situation, your opinion and your fiance’s opinion matter more than your grandmother. Sorry, but that’s how it works. She will be disappointed, but she’ll get over it. Maybe try to spend some good, quality time with her after the elopement. Maybe bring some pictures, if you’ll have any.

Personally, I’d probably just do it and tell everyone later to avoid drama. But if people already know then I’d just be firm and try to limit discussion. This is what we’re doing. We’re sorry if that’s not what you’d prefer, but this is our wedding and we’re doing what is best for us. I’m sure you’ll understand. Thanks for your support. Done.

Post # 12
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

What if you find a videographer in vegas and tell your grandma what it is that you want for your wedding but have a video of it for her (and you can also have a copy to show others) and then if you wanted to do a little celebration get together when you get back too then have that as well?

Post # 13
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@wildirishrose:  Stick to your original plan. Let your grandmother know that doing a traditional wedding would make you very unhappy. I’m sure she’ll get over it, and if not, it’s not about anyone other than you and your FI.

Post # 14
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

@gelaine22:  That is exactly what I was thinking.

Post # 15
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree with a pp. Go do the wedding you and fi want, then when you get back, have grocery store cupcakes and drinks and a pretty off the rack dress at someones house to celebrate and you can show them pictures from your trip. Some people want a big fancy wedding, some don’t and it doesn’t make you a bad person to not want one. But I think the worst thing you could do is feel pressured into a big production when you arw In agreement that it isn’t for you. 

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