Post # 1
My fiance and I were planning to elope in vegas (doing the drive through wedding) and have our honeymoon out there, we are on the same page about this. When we got engaged I let him know that I’m not a fan of weddings, bridal gowns etc but if thats what he wanted I would not deny that to him, luckily he does not care much for weddings either, neither of us like being the center of attention. We want it to be just us and are not expecting (nor wanting) gifts or parties from anyone.
However we ran into a problem……my grandmother who is not doing well health wise told us she wants nothing more than to see me married and dressed up as a “beautiful bride.” We were going to hide the engagement from our families until we got back (as they would both be upset about not being there and both our mothers would try to hijack it), however my careless mistake we were going to visit her and I forgot to take off my engagement ring so she figured it out and now our families know, and I’m being called a bridezilla by not including her because she is “so sick.” My grandmother does not know of our plans yet (I didn’t have the heart to tell her) and she’s already so excited and knitting me a shawl, she spilled the beans to our family figuring they already knew, our parents know of our plans now.
If we invite her than we have to invite my parents and siblings and we can’t do that without inviting his too, and this is NOT what we wanted.
I dont want to make my ill grandmother unhappy, but we were both really looking forward to a “just us” elopement, we dont want a “wedding” nor to dress up, and we are both feeling cheated out of what we really want. Our families are treating us like criminals for this.
What would you do in my shoes?
We live on the east coast and we’re taking a month off (april) to do a leisurley cross country road trip and get hitched in vegas (not on a schedule, just stopping where and when we feel like along the way) so its hard to coordinate others schedules (especially a physically disabled person) when we don’t know exactly what day and time we’ll arrive and seal the deal, we want to be spontaneous. My one very understanding friend suggested we just provide lots of pictures for grandma, but we’re doing the drive through wedding, so how picturesque can that get? (plus I really hate having my photograph taken).
Post # 3
Can you do your “just us” thing in Vegas and then have a small back home reception where you get dressed up so your grandmother can see her baby?
Post # 4
My hunk and I wanted to elope too. We weren’t into a big deal. This is the idea we had when we were talking about engagement.
Once we got engaged his mother tells us that it would break her heart if we didn’t have a wedding for her and our families to come to.
Now we are planning the wedding and it’s almost here and most all things have be hijacked and controlled by the wishes of others. I still long for the just us elopement, but now I am too far in.
Maybe try your best to explain to grandma you blissful idea of eloping and being liesure and spontaneous with the man you love.
I wish you all the best!
Post # 5
@wildirishrose: I think at this point you two should go to Vegas and then have a very small reception with grandma at someon’e home or a nice restaurant where you have on a nice dress.
If you don’t want a wedding, don’t do it. They are stressful to plan even when you are excited.
I would talk to grandma, tell her your plans, and leave it be.
Post # 6
PPs are right. If you don’t want a big wedding, don’t plan one. You aren’t being a bridzilla for that. If you wanted to drag sick grandma out to Vegas, that would be another story. Your family is being more selfish than you are.
Post # 7
I have gone through a similar situation and now, 12 days before my wedding, I so wish I had eloped.
I would like to tell you that “It is your life. Do what you want.”…but I know that is easier said than done when family is involved.
Post # 8
You aren’t being a bridezilla for not wanting a wedding.
Keep your plans and just let others get over it. I’m sure your grandmother would rather you be happy then see you have a wedding you hate/don’t want and be unhappy. I’d just explain it gently to her and if others have a problem with it tough cookies.
Post # 9
@gelaine22: I think this is the best idea.
@wildirishrose: You can still elope and have your dream day and then have a small, family reception to make you ailing grandmother happy. My grandmother recently passed away and I would do anything to let her be present for our wedding. I’m not trying to guilt you into anything, I just don’t want you to have to live with regret.
Post # 10
Are you being a bridezilla? Hmm, well I guess that depends on the definition of the word…
Let’s not worry about the label.
With regards to your wedding, are you acting in a way that doesn’t take into accounts the feelings of others? Well, yes, you are. Is that necessarily bad? Hmmm…it’s not a cardinal sin, but it’s not very nice either.
On the one hand, it’s your life adn you should make choices that you feel comfortable with. You are adults and you should be able to do this in a way that you see fit.
On the other hand, a wedding is an important right of passage in western culture (and most other cultures, but not all) that is NOT just about the bride and groom, but about their families as well. Your close family has the right to feel slighted that you do not want them to be present on a milestone day that (it sounds like) they have been dreaming about for years.
You could go either way. I’m sure they’ll get over it if you proceed with your plan to elope, but you’ll have made an important statement to them about their importance and influence in your life.
Personally, family is my #1 priority so that wouldn’t be my choice. I would go for a compromise where you do an extremely intimate wedding with your immediate family, maybe at a small wedding chappel nearby. Keep it very simple and do it on short notice so it doesn’t have time to get out of hand. (I’m talking ceremony, cake and bubbly, family pics, and none of the crazy trappings that make weddings insane.) Think of it as a gift you are giving your family. Then, I would proceed on your roadtrip as planned and do the vegas drive thru to fufill the fantasy you and your FI have.
But that’s just me. I don’t know your family and if they are worth the effort. Mine is.
Post # 11
You can love your grandmother and still choose to elope. You are not the one responsible for her happiness. That’s her job.
In this situation, your opinion and your fiance’s opinion matter more than your grandmother. Sorry, but that’s how it works. She will be disappointed, but she’ll get over it. Maybe try to spend some good, quality time with her after the elopement. Maybe bring some pictures, if you’ll have any.
Personally, I’d probably just do it and tell everyone later to avoid drama. But if people already know then I’d just be firm and try to limit discussion. This is what we’re doing. We’re sorry if that’s not what you’d prefer, but this is our wedding and we’re doing what is best for us. I’m sure you’ll understand. Thanks for your support. Done.
Post # 12
What if you find a videographer in vegas and tell your grandma what it is that you want for your wedding but have a video of it for her (and you can also have a copy to show others) and then if you wanted to do a little celebration get together when you get back too then have that as well?
Post # 13
@wildirishrose: Stick to your original plan. Let your grandmother know that doing a traditional wedding would make you very unhappy. I’m sure she’ll get over it, and if not, it’s not about anyone other than you and your FI.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
@gelaine22: That is exactly what I was thinking.
Post # 15
I agree with a pp. Go do the wedding you and fi want, then when you get back, have grocery store cupcakes and drinks and a pretty off the rack dress at someones house to celebrate and you can show them pictures from your trip. Some people want a big fancy wedding, some don’t and it doesn’t make you a bad person to not want one. But I think the worst thing you could do is feel pressured into a big production when you arw In agreement that it isn’t for you.
Post # 16