Weddingbee boards

I am wondering if I'm losing it!  We're about 2.5 months away from our big day and all along, my FI and I have tried to do things to make this EASY on our wedding parties, all of whom will be travelling for our wedding.  For instance, the guys are all wearing their OWN dark grey suits (they all owned one already) and we're buying them ties.  I bought my bridesmaids dresses from Aria for my BMs and let them pick any tea length style they wanted in a nice, neutral, pretty universally flattering midnight blue colour.  I asked that they pick any pair of silver dressy sandals to wear with them.

And my sister, who is also my MOH, tells me today she found fab shoes, and when she sends me the link, they are 4.5 inch stiletto d'Orsay shoes.  Not sandals.  Very flashy, with rhinestones, etc, and clearly they will show since the dresses are tea-length. I haven't picked my own shoes yet but am leaning towards something short/comfortable.  My sister and I are both short, and nearly the same height, and I can't help but wonder if she picked these to be taller than me in all the photos (we've had a longstanding sisterly battle over our heights all our life).  Since the shoes aren't even SANDALS (as I requested!), is it okay for me to ask her to send them back (to Zappos!) and pick a different, less flashy pair that fit the very simple (and straightforward) guidelines I requested???

Or am I totally losing it??

I would just tell your sister that the shoes are pretty, however you want the bridesmaids to wear sandals because it will go better with the overall look. You can remind her that if she shows up wearing stilletos when everyone else is wearing sandals, she will look like an oddball next to everyone. I think you have every right to tell her she can't wear them, especially when you and your FI have bought everything for them except their shoes! I completely understand your frustration, and yes it would be very frustrating to me also! I think I know the shoes she bought and yes they would clash. I would just try to tell her nicely that you want sandals. If she starts giving you trouble, then you can get a little more boisterous about it. Just remember, it's your wedding and not hers. The best piece of advice that anyone has given me for the wedding is this, "please yourself. Once you start trying to please everyone else, you will end up upset and not happy with the end result". Good luck!

p.s. if you have seen a pair of sandals that are more of what you want, you could email them to her and just say "wow, look at these sandals that i came across today! they'd be perfect for you to wear to the wedding!"

Thanks for the feedback everyone! I actually did originally send all the BM an email with links to tons of shoes (most of them in the $50 range) that I thought were cute, and last week I sent another link with several from Target that were also cute, so she clearly just ignored me.  Anyways, thanks for the support!!

i would tell her no. You gave guidelines & as hard as it is to find something when youre looking for it in shoe stores, online shoe places like zappos have search features "silver sandals" etc.  i have a shoe story, my FSIL who is in the wedding party bought the same, yes SAME shoes as me, after asking my FI if it was okay & him clearly stating to her, no way it is *not* okay to buy the same shoes as the bride! (for the record, our BMs can pick any light colored shoe they want, i didnt even specify a type except no flip flops. i guess i should have mentioned dont buy the same shoes as me, either.) grr!

ita with misschickie...

but you feel how you feel, so if it bothers you that much, maybe sugest a different pair... to me it sounds like you're more mad that she got 4" heels when u were going to get smaller heel and now she'll be taller, wich in your mind translates to her getting more attention b/c of it??  sounds more like sister/sibling issues than a shoe issue...

good luck!

Anti-Zilla and misschickie: You're both definitely right about it being a sibling issue and more about the height than the shoe itself, although I have to say they ARE really flashy, and they will show, and when I was a bridesmaid in her wedding I picked really simple shoes to wear that wouldn't draw any attention to me.  Also, they are very different from the sorts of shoes she normally wears for special occasions (she has a bad back and almost never wears a shoe that's more than 2''), so I was really surprised that this is what she picked- it doesn't feel like "her."

Sigh.  I haven't received a reply from the email I sent her last night, so I'm guess she's not happy with me. 

How about calling her instead or buy her the sandals you want. Siblings will be siblings even if she already had her turn...maybe is also a bit of jealousy.

 In the end I think she will be the one suffering with the shoes.

I think there are lots of ways she's been singled out as being special: she's my MOH, she's giving a reading at the ceremony, and her husband (not a priest, getting ordained online) is MARRYING us, which I think should be the greatest compliment we could give her.  I like Sweeney's idea of asking her to wear something different for photos/ceremony, so maybe I'll go with that.