- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
My DH has had a very difficult schedule since 1 month after our wedding. He’s taking 2 separate classes at 2 different schools, works 9+ hours/day and had to switch to a swing shift to accomodate his class schedule, and is on-call with work every 3 weeks. That can mean he can get called in and be gone all night after an already crazy day. He’s stressed and tired all the time. He doesn’t get home at night until at least 10:30 then goes into his office to do “homework” until about 2am. Then he sleeps until 10:30am and leaves for work at 11:30. We almost never see each other.
Our sex life is almost non-existent and we had an all-night argument the other night – he’s nit-picking stuff about me, says our sex life is mechanical, and seems so unhappy with me. He actually complained that I’m always changing stuff around the house (this was prompted by me considering replacing our old, gross bedroom drape and I wasn’t even asking him to help me!). I feel he’s lazy around the house and despite his schedule he needs to help on one or two things – I’m busy too (I run my own business and have a teenage daughter + an ageing mom who totally depends on me). I try not to ask for help 99% of the time and will hire help if I have to. But he can walk past a bag of trash on his way to the garage and this pisses me off.
I’ve tried to suggest and implement a number of “spice things up” ideas for our intimate times but he isn’t interested. These are suggestions that I doubt most men would turn down. This leaves me feeling it’s just me he doesn’t want. I told him that if our sex life is boring right now it’s because he’s boring. If we can’t have bed time together at night, we can have it in the morning (my schedule allows me to sleep in a bit with him). But we have never had morning sex in our nearly 4 years together so it probably won’t start now. I think porn is easier for him than trying to get things back on track with me.
I believe that when life gets this crazy you have to hold on and just get through. I also think it requires a bit of extra effort for a couple to stay connected, and that should be a priority. All he wants to do with any free time is watch stupid movies or sequester himself in his room… and it ain’t only homework he’s doing on the computer. I’m lonely and frustrated – yes, I’ve communicated this to him. Should I just let him be and see if things improve in a couple of months when he gets a break from school? It looks like this schedule will pick up again next semester and it kills me to think about that.