Post # 1
Ok so to give a little backstory, DH works with this girl who I really dont care for. I dont know her, but when I met her (the one and only time) I thought she was a bitch. DH has travelled with her quite a bit and tells me she is nice-whatever.
So DH left his phone at home today by accident. We look at each others phones-know each others passwords-so we are open like that. Any way-DH’s grandmother is very sick and could die at any moment, so I wanted to check his phone to make sure he did not get any calls or texts from his mom about that. When I opened the text messages I saw he had texts with the girl from work-I will call her Mary. I read the convo (bad I know) but this is how it went and now I am upset about it and cant decide if I am over reacting or if it is inappropriate it.
So the first few texts were just about work, then it went like this:
Mary:you are so quiet
DH: I listen
Mary: Marriage trained ya already?
DH: U got it
Then they go back and forth calling each other lame, lamer, lamest…and keep going (so stupid)
I kind of feel like it is flirting and now I am annoyed and upset. Is this really ridiculous to be upset over? I cant tell DH I saw it because I know I shouldnt have opened that text.
Post # 3
Sorry, I think you’re overreacting :
Post # 4
@blue44: It doesn’t seem like flirting to me, it seems like annoying banter. If he was really into having some big text conversation with her, she wouldn’t be commenting that he was quiet. I think you are overreacting because you don’t like this person.
Also, you should really consider where the feelings are stemming from about checking his private texts if you feel you shouldn’t be. Food for thought.
Post # 5
Seems innocent to me – I’m sure DH wouldn’t appreciate you going through his phone. I might make an effort to get to know Mary better at work functions… keep your enemies close and all that.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Yeah, overreacting. It’s not like he complained about being married or something like that. Honestly that sounds like a conversation he could have had with a guy friend, I don’t think it’s flirting
Post # 7
Overreacting, sorry. If she stated that he was so quiet he obviously isn’t really into texting her. It seems she is initiating the conversation from what you posted, and it sounds like he is just texting her back to be nice.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s flirting, but it is crossing the professional line and inappropriate.
Post # 9
yeah definitely overreacting.
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@blue44: Sounds like she’s attempting to flirt and he’s annoyed by her! I wouldn’t worry about it. He probably thinks not responding would make things awkward in the workplace so he humors her.
Post # 11
I don’t think you’re over-reacting. I don’t know… given that your husband is aware that you’re not too keen on her, then I think it’s a little inappropriate/irritating that he engaged in this kind of banter with her. If I was in your sit, I would come clean with him and tell him that you snooped, that you’re sorry, but that what you found made you uncomfortable because you don’t particularly like her. But essentially, I agree with the poster who said that she’s trying to flirt with him, but that it’s innocent on his part. I don’t think that you have anything to worry about here.
Post # 12
This seems harmless. She even brought up your marriage in conversation, and I think if she were flirting, she would have avoided that topic. I work with mostly men and this is similar to the conversations I have with them.
Post # 13
@blue44: I don’t think you are over-reacting. It makes no sense to me why this person, Mary, needs to text your husband on his personal cell phone. Sounds like flirting to me, sorry. I really wouldn’t like it if some random female co-worker texted my husband anything, really. Work should stay at work. They aren’t friends, they’re just co-workers.
She’s trying to develop a relationship with him beyond the professional. That’s not acceptable unless you both are ok with having new opposite sex friends being part of your marriage and friends with BOTH of you. If both of you are in agreement with that, fine. But it doesn’t sound like you consider this woman one of your friends.
Also, yep, the comment she made about “marriage trained ya already,” sounds to me like you’re right, she is a b*tch and trying to start something.
Here is what I would do: I would tell him what you told us – that you checked his phone innocently and ran across that conversation. Ask him if he would want you doing the same thing with some random guy you work with. Chances are he wouldn’t feel very comfortable with you texting back and forth and borderline flirting with one of your male co-workers.
He hasn’t crossed the line with Mary yet, but she is pushing for him to. She should be texting her own man, not your husband.
Post # 14
You’re overreacting. I doubt you would have been upset had the same text convo went on between him and a male co-worker. It sounds like they have a friendly relationship. It’s nice to have friends at work…makes it more tolerable most days.
Post # 15
meh, sounds like some of the conversations I have with my male coworkers.
Post # 16
You know your guy. Is that his way of being flirty?? With my FI that would mean nothing. However he would think its inappropriate to chit chat with someone I didn’t like. But anyway with another guy it could be how he flirts. So it comes down to what kind of guy is your DH?