Post # 1
My husband and I have only been married for a year this june, i am 7 months pregnant with our daughter. When we first started dating he was always there, he never hung out till late, but recently he has been staying out past midnight and a few times until 5am. He said he was just hanging out with his brothers at his aunts house. He even said I could have come by to see where he was, I do not think I should have to get out of bed at 3 or 4 in the morning, at 7 months pregnent to find my husband. Am i being too nagging if i think he shoud be home by midnight? He says he gets drunk and pass out asleep and that is why he cannot make it home before sunrise, he says i am making a big deal out of this, but it happens friday, satruday and sunday nights. If he is off from work he stays out also. I do not have any family in the state we live in, but he was born and raised here. Maybe i am just blowing this out of proportion because of hormones as he said, but it really hurts to sleep alone so much and not know where or what my husband is doing out in the streets. I think this is the way a single person should act and not one who has a pregnant wife at home.
Post # 2
No, I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.
The fact that he’s getting drunk and passing out that often is alarming, especially since you’re this far along in your pregnancy. He’s not even calling or texting you to tell you where he is. That’s not right. Even if he wasn’t drunk, staying out late that many times a week, without even telling you where he is, is just too much.
I don’t think midnight is an unreasonable time to be home by. Everything you’ve said sounds reasonable.
His behavior isn’t acceptable; not to me, anyway.
Post # 3
Thank you. He wants me to think it is because of pregnancy hormones why I feel this way but I do not think so. I feel disrespected and he thinks because he does not beat on me or curse at me then there is no disrespect, but I was not raised to accept things like this and it really hurts. Thanks for you response, It makes me feel more sane in my thoughts.
Post # 4
No, you’re not overreacting. But you also shouldn’t set a curfew for your husband — this is bad for him and you. He should want to be home with you, forcing him won’t fix the root problem. Maybe he’s feeling scared about the baby and rebelling or looking for freedom while he still can? I don’t think he’s cheating, I’d be more concerned about his excessive drinking.
Post # 6
Definitely not overreacting! It’s totally wrong to leave your pregnant wife at home every weekend to sleep alone. Plus, the drinking sounds excessive and unhealthy. It sounds to me like he’s making it your problem by blaming it on your hormones, but in reality he’s just not taking responsibility for his immature, selfish behavior. I would ask his aunt and get the scoop– see if he’s really where he says he is. It could be he’s nervous about being a father and is seeking out a little bit of freedom.
I think midnight is entirely reasonable, and if it were me I would put my foot down. Enforcing a curfew won’t solve the problem of him not wanting to be at home, though. I would get to the bottom of it, whatever way you can, and figure out what’s going on and why.
I think his behavior is entirely unacceptable, and you definitely are in this right in this situation! Best of luck to you.
Post # 7
thanks valintine, i do not want to think he is cheating either, however, it is just my thoughts on a respectable time for a married man to be home, not that i told him to be home at midnight. He just never did things like this before and for the past month it has just gotten worst. I am nervous about the baby too but he makes it seem as if I over think everything. Due to complications we already know i have to have a c-section for delivery, I high blood pressure, diabetes and i have only gained 5 pounds the whole seven months i have been pregnant, I am stressed too and his late nights out does not help. I asked him if he is feeling overwhelmed with the coming baby and he says no, he just wants to hang out. he sees his family everyday, we live four blocks away from them. I do not like going to their house because everyone drinks and smokes and i have never been ok with that. i just think there should be a limit and he cannot see it.
Post # 8
futureladyharvey: His aunt raised him and his four siblings, she buys the alcohol and drinks with them, she covers for them no matter what they do. i have tried talking to her before because my mom lives in another state and they are about the same age, but I realize she is the enabler of most of their actions and she only tells me, “it will get better” but so far it has gotten worst. She does not want to hear bad things about how she raised the kids or how she acts. I tried talking to her about her drinking too and she tells me she only drinks to calm her nerves. I am just tired of repeating the same thing every night/morning with no change in sight.
Post # 9
My big question would be will he continue this behavior when the baby comes?
Post # 10
He’s probably freaking out because of the impending life change. You should both sit down with a marriage counselor so you two can truly get to the root of the issue.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’d be really worried. Not only is his behavior really immature and unkind, but when you tell him your concerns he throws it back on you. Not good.
You’re going to have to make it clear that currently you are not happy with the situation, and that no it’s not hormones, and no it’s not YOU at all. AND you’ll have to make it clear that you do expect the situation to change.
If it doesn’t, you’ll have some hard decisions to make. It will only be a million times more frustrating and lonely once your baby is born and you are exhausted and stressed.
He’s a husband and will soon be a father. If he can’t change his priorities, you might have to consider your options.
Post # 12
This is not normal…. red flags all over the place. If he isn’t being responsible enough to come home most weekend nights because he is binge drinking, he has a problem. I would suggest councelling asap.
Post # 13
Sounds like he’s freaking out about the reality of being a father.
Post # 14
My dH went through a similar phase when I was pg. He blamed it on the hormones and said he was enjoying the time before the baby arrived. I had to sit him down and tell him “hormones or not, you are my husband and you need to be there for me more than you are now. What you’re doing is hurting me and our marriage and ypu need to think about my feelings before doing this.” After a long talk he got it and stopped with the behavior.
Dont let them use hormones as an excuse, even if it was just hormones (which it isn’t) your feelings should matter and be considered
Post # 15
Honey, a good and respectful marriage involves way, way more than your husband not beating you up or cursing at you. That’s a given!
It’s absolutely reasonable to expect your husband to behave like a married man and not like an out of control teenager. He should be at home at night not sleeping off drunken binges on other people’s couches. I don’t believe in curfews because why should an adult need one? However, I do question whether your husband is anywhere near achieving adulthood.
Don’t let him use your hormones as any sort of excuse either. Instead, focus your discussions on his behaviour and how unreasonable it is. Then ask how you can work together to bring about change. Only life is going to be a whole lot harder when you’ve had your baby since parenthood alone isn’t going to keep him at home either unless he goes through a serious change in attitude.
Just out of interest, how old are you both?