Am I over reacting?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

No, I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. 

The fact that he’s getting drunk and passing out that often is alarming, especially since you’re this far along in your pregnancy. He’s not even calling or texting you to tell you where he is. That’s not right. Even if he wasn’t drunk, staying out late that many times a week, without even telling you where he is, is just too much. 

I don’t think midnight is an unreasonable time to be home by. Everything you’ve said sounds reasonable.

His behavior isn’t acceptable; not to me, anyway. 

Post # 4
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

No, you’re not overreacting. But you also shouldn’t set a curfew for your husband — this is bad for him and you. He should want to be home with you, forcing him won’t fix the root problem. Maybe he’s feeling scared about the baby and rebelling or looking for freedom while he still can? I don’t think he’s cheating, I’d be more concerned about his excessive drinking. 

Post # 5
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

double post

Post # 6
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Definitely not overreacting! It’s totally wrong to leave your pregnant wife at home every weekend to sleep alone. Plus, the drinking sounds excessive and unhealthy. It sounds to me like he’s making it your problem by blaming it on your hormones, but in reality he’s just not taking responsibility for his immature, selfish behavior. I would ask his aunt and get the scoop– see if he’s really where he says he is. It could be he’s nervous about being a father and is seeking out a little bit of freedom.

I think midnight is entirely reasonable, and if it were me I would put my foot down. Enforcing a curfew won’t solve the problem of him not wanting to be at home, though. I would get to the bottom of it, whatever way you can, and figure out what’s going on and why.

I think his behavior is entirely unacceptable, and you definitely are in this right in this situation! Best of luck to you.

Post # 9
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

My big question would be will he continue this behavior when the baby comes?

Post # 10
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

He’s probably freaking out because of the impending life change. You should both sit down with a marriage counselor so you two can truly get to the root of the issue.

Post # 11
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I’d be really worried. Not only is his behavior really immature and unkind, but when you tell him your concerns he throws it back on you. Not good.

You’re going to have to make it clear that currently you are not happy with the situation, and that no it’s not hormones, and no it’s not YOU at all. AND you’ll have to make it clear that you do expect the situation to change. 

If it doesn’t, you’ll have some hard decisions to make. It will only be a million times more frustrating and lonely once your baby is born and you are exhausted and stressed. 

He’s a husband and will soon be a father. If he can’t change his priorities, you might have to consider your options.

Post # 12
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

This is not normal…. red flags all over the place. If he isn’t being responsible enough to come home most weekend nights because he is binge drinking, he has a problem. I would suggest councelling asap.

Post # 13
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like he’s freaking out about the reality of being a father.

Post # 14
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My dH went through a similar phase when I was pg. He blamed it on the hormones and said he was enjoying the time before the baby arrived. I had to sit him down and tell him “hormones or not, you are my husband and you need to be there for me more than you are now. What you’re doing is hurting me and our marriage and ypu need to think about my feelings before doing this.” After a long talk he got it and stopped with the behavior.

Dont let them use hormones as an excuse, even if it was just hormones (which it isn’t) your feelings should matter and be considered

Post # 15
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honey, a good and respectful marriage involves way, way more than your husband not beating you up or cursing at you. That’s a given!

It’s absolutely reasonable to expect your husband to behave like a married man and not like an out of control teenager. He should be at home at night not sleeping off drunken binges on other people’s couches. I don’t believe in curfews because why should an adult need one? However, I do question whether your husband is anywhere near achieving adulthood.

Don’t let him use your hormones as any sort of excuse either. Instead, focus your discussions on his behaviour and how unreasonable it is. Then ask how you can work together to bring about change. Only life is going to be a whole lot harder when you’ve had your baby since parenthood alone isn’t going to keep him at home either unless he goes through a serious change in attitude.

Just out of interest, how old are you both?

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