Post # 1
I need your opinions to help me figure this one out… last night my fiance got a call asking if it would be alright for his great aunt’s daughter to get a surprise birthday cake for the great aunt and make a birthday toast to her at out Sunday Farewell breakfast. I guess her 90th b-day is within a week of the wedding and since all the family will be together she thinks it would be nice.
I was completely taken aback when I heard this! To me, it seems completely inappropriate and obnoxious to even ask! Our Sunday Farewell breakfast will be laid back with people coming and going when it’s convenient for them during a 3 hour span. There will not be toasts or speeches. I thought the purpose of hosting a breakfast or brunch was for guests to congratulate you on the wedding one last time, for the bride and groom to thank the guests for coming, and to bid each other farewell… a chill mingling “event”.
I realize that it would be convenient for them to do a birthday thing for her when the family is all together, but I think it is incredibly rude that they want to do it during our event. My family and friends will be there too… I feel it would be more appropriate for them to do a birthday thing AFTER our breakfast. I mean, it’s going to basically turn into a birthday party at our expense when I don’t even know this woman, my fiancé is not close with her at all, and the POINT of the breakfast is to celebrate the WEDDING that just took place the day before.
Am I right, or am I over-reacting? I don’t have a big family so maybe this is just something I’m not used to. I’m not happy about this at all though… what do you think? ANY comments/advice would be much appreciated!! 🙂 Thanks!!
Post # 3
I think you’re overreacting just a little bit… I mean, at this point your wedding will be over. That sort of makes the farewell breakfast more about the family and you and your husband all together as a whole, rather than just you and your husband. Personally what I would do is let her do the cake and speech, but save it for the very end so it’s not like the whole party becomes about her. After cake and the birthday speech, have someone bring the attention back to you for the big farewell.
If you’re uncomfortable with it, that’s totally fine though! It is your event that you’re paying for afterall.
Post # 4
Honestly? Yeah… you’re overreacting a bit. It’s cake and a little toast. It’s not going to harm anyone, and it’s going to make the Great-Aunt feel really special and loved. And she’s 90!!! That’s a big milestone! Let her have her cake and eat it too 🙂 You will have had your day. The breakfast isn’t anything formal, and it would really be appreciated by his family. Besides – if you say no, it’ll make you look like a big brat.
Post # 5
I 100% agree with Gingersnap.
Post # 6
You’re overreacting quite a bit. It’s a huge family deal can’t you spare 15 mintues of attention? To me that sounds quite nice actaully.
Post # 7
IMO, you’re overreacting. The wedding is what celebrates the wedding. I think it’s kind of self-absorbed to deny the family a chance to honor a 90-year-old relative’s birthday when they wouldn’t otherwise get the chance.
Post # 9
Yep, you’re over-reacting and being a bit self-indulgent. I think a 90th b.day is a HUGE milestone and deserves to be recognized. When else would they do it? Have a separate gathering? At the rehearsal dinner? At the reception? I think recognition of her b.day at the breakfast would be most appropriate and a kind gesture as well.
Post # 10
Ok, 90 is a definite milestone so I would allow it. Maybe my feelings are due to my Grandmother being the same age and she’s my only leaving grandparent.
I personally would have your FI announce to the whole group after breakfast has already started that a milestone by his great Aunt. Give everyone a chance to celebrate such a milestone. I wouldn’t let her daughter speak because its not the time. The family can celebrate fully on another occasion.
BTW- Since my Grandmother is the eldest @ my wedding, she’s going to Bless our wedding. I cry just thinking about it:)
Post # 11
Yeah you are overreacting. Geez the woman is turning 90 for pete’s sake. I think you can let them celebrate her birthday along with your brunch
Post # 12
@JrzyGurl: <–what she said 🙂
Post # 13
I again have to agree that it’s a bit of an over-reaction. If it were me I would absolutely allow it, welcome it even. The wedding is the day you celebrate your marriage, your wedding breakfast is that too, but also a chance to spend some more time with family. What a lovely opportunity to honour a member of your new family at such an impressive milestone in her life. I really don’t see the harm and if your fiance has no problem with it, I think you should allow it. I think it will top off your wedding nicely! Of course, we are all different, this is just my opinion and I’m sure plenty would agree with your reaction aswell.
Post # 14
Agreed. I wouldn’t let the daughter speak and would get the cake toward the end of the brunch so the people interested can gather at the same time, but beside that, I wouldn’t see why the great aunt wouldn’t get her minute of glory. You only get one day, unfortunately…
Post # 15
I sort of understand being taken aback by someone asking if they can do a little celebration at your event but I think considering it’s the morning after breakfast and she is 90, it would be ok BUT I would ask them to hold off a little and not do it right at the start so it becomes a part of the breakfast and not the entire reason for it.
Post # 16
To be honest, i also think you’re over-reacting. Your wedding will be finished, its not as if they’re asking to make the announcement during your wedding speeches. I think it sounds super sweet to honour her in this way, regardless of whether or not you know her, she is a part of the family you will have just married into – what better way is there of celebrating joining this family then including your new great aunt in your post wedding celebration?!
If you’re scared it will become her party why not, as Gingersnap said, make the announcement at the end.