Post # 1
Ladies, I need help. I’m not sure where to start…..I have been with my SO for almost 7 years. We have been together since I was 19. I knew I wanted to marry him when I was about 22. At the start of last year I decided I wanted more and called our relationship off because he was not offering me more (more being an engagement/wedding). This was terribly hard but I had also hoped it would make him see light and deecide it was time to get married. After a couple of months of not being together he pulled his socks up and told me he did want to get married and have a family with me. We started to see each other again and booked a holiday together for after Christmas. I moved back in with him just before Christmas and our families came together for Christmas. Little did I know that my mother had contacted him (after we had been to visit and she notices how happy we were) and offered him a family heirloom engagement ring. He accepted the ring from her and told her he would propose on our holiday in January. In the meantime his twin brother had popped the question (or she popped a ring on her finger, I’m not sure) to a girl that he had known for 5 minutes. This upset me in a huge way for various reasons as I was really hoping it was finally our turn. Given some weather circumstances we didn’t go on our holiday. Its now halfway through May and he hasn’t proposed. I can easily get myself so upset and worked up. We have talked about it and everytime one of my friends get engaged I get a bit upset. He tells me I’m being silly and it will all be ok. Earlier in the year, about February, I mentioned that I would like to get married this year. He took it all in his stride and said OK. But now its too late for that even.
I don’t want to give him an altimadum, nor do I want to push him if its not what he wants but he keeps saying that its what he wants. I’m so confused. I really need advice girls, please help me.
Post # 3
Perhaps ask your mother to speak with him? Since she gave him a ring to propose with, she has a reason to ask him what’s up.
Hopefully your SO has something in the works. Maybe he was just delayed because of your cancelled trip!
I don’t blame you for being frusterated…
Post # 4
Thanks. I haven’t written my rant very well. I just feel like everyone has the secret to getting their BFs to propose except me. And I HATE still having to call him my BF after 7 years!!
Post # 5
I understand your frustration but do you have to throw his brother and his fiance under the bus? You just sound full of sour grapes tbh.
Post # 6
Don’t let your jealously turn you into a mean girl… it just makes you look bad (and slightly crazy).
I can understand your frustrations but you can’t force him to do this on *your* timeline. It sounds like his plans got thwarted and he’s trying to plan/waiting for the right time?
It wouldn’t hurt if your mom asked him what’s up but you shouldn’t know if she does!! It’s supposed to be a surprise! Don’t ruin it by being desperate to get the ring on your finger.
Post # 7
I think your feelings are valid. What you do with them and how you express yourself, however, will determine whether you are handling the situation appropriately. I think the obvious question here is “Why?” Why is he stalling? Why is he saying to you and your mother that he intends to marry you and yet there have been no obvious efforts to propose and plan? Why couldn’t he have just proposed to you even though your trip was cancelled? He probably has a very good reason, though one you may not like so much. And it’s important that you understand what the reason is without hysterics or being overly emotional. And you must prepare yourself for what he might say (e.g. I’m just not ready and I don’t know when I will be.) You won’t do yourself any favors if you force him, directly or indirectly, to say something to simply make you feel better in the moment. You need honest answers so that you can make the right decision. If he just isn’t ready and got back together with you because he missed you, you need to be prepared to do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Do you want to be married more than you want to be with him if he’s not ready and may not be in the near future? I don’t think ultimatums are necessary. If he’s honest about how he feels and you’re honest about how you feel, you need to make the decision for yourself based on what he says. If you leave, leave because you want to pursue something else, not to punish him.
Post # 8
I don’t think I’m jealous….maybe I am. I don’t compare our relationship to others nor do I want what other people have. What we have is fine. I see getting married as the ultimate committment to each other and its what I really want and have wanted for a long time. I want to have a family but its really important to me to be married first.
Post # 9
Men are procrastinators.. I’m sure he is planning something, but is just taking longer than planned, especially since your trip was ruined. I would try to get your mom to talk to him, at least that way she can find out if it’s a valid reason or not why he’s waiting so long. If it’s not a valid reason, then she can push him to explain what is up with the stalling. I think you’ll go crazy otherwise not knowing.. trust me I know how you feel. My bf sat on the ring for 7 months, and I knew he had it… I was worried that there was some underlying issue, but resisted talking about it. Sure enough, after the proposal, I talked to him about what took so long, and he just procrastinated and couldn’t find the right time… MEN!
Post # 10
Did you ever discuss marriage back when you were 19?
Why did you move back in without being engaged?
Post # 11
Is he superstitous? Silly question, but maybe he got cold feet when your holiday got canceled and took it as some sort of sign that he should hold off?
While this may be a silly reason, certainly it seems very nervewrecking for him so he might be having trouble connecting the dots.
You may want to have your mom talk to him and simply ask if he planned on giving you the ring. Then you will have your answer.
Post # 12
I don’t think he is supersticious. I moved in without being engaged because I assumed an engagement was coming. Never assume I guess is the lesson here. I just get a little insecure when I think about it for too long. I know really he’s probably just being a guy and procrastinating. I just wish I didn’t know about the ring and I probably could handle the wait. But it really rattles me to know that he was going to propose and now he hasn’t. He’s not a guy that would pan anything romantic to propose – it will just be out of the blue so its not like he’s spending the time planning something!! A part of me just wants to say ‘Hand it over dagnabbit!!’but I know that’s not right. I think he’s maybe not worried about me wanting to get married this year because he doesn’t realise the planning that goes into a wedding and probably thinks we will get it organised in a few weeks. What are your thoughts on this. When will it be too late to organise a small garden wedding for Sept/Oct if he does happen to pop the question.
BTW – my mum is on his team for this one – she told me to wait it out!