(Closed) Am I over reacting?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Perhaps ask your mother to speak with him? Since she gave him a ring to propose with, she has a reason to ask him what’s up.

Hopefully your SO has something in the works. Maybe he was just delayed because of your cancelled trip!

I don’t blame you for being frusterated… 

Post # 5
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I understand your frustration but do you have to throw his brother and his fiance under the bus? You just sound full of sour grapes tbh.

 

Post # 6
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Oneeleven: Agree.

Don’t let your jealously turn you into a mean girl… it just makes you look bad (and slightly crazy).

I can understand your frustrations but you can’t force him to do this on *your* timeline. It sounds like his plans got thwarted and he’s trying to plan/waiting for the right time?

It wouldn’t hurt if your mom asked him what’s up but you shouldn’t know if she does!! It’s supposed to be a surprise! Don’t ruin it by being desperate to get the ring on your finger.

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I think your feelings are valid.  What you do with them and how you express yourself, however, will determine whether you are handling the situation appropriately.  I think the obvious question here is “Why?”  Why is he stalling?  Why is he saying to you and your mother that he intends to marry you and yet there have been no obvious efforts to propose and plan?  Why couldn’t he have just proposed to you even though your trip was cancelled?  He probably has a very good reason, though one you may not like so much.  And it’s important that you understand what the reason is without hysterics or being overly emotional.  And you must prepare yourself for what he might say (e.g. I’m just not ready and I don’t know when I will be.)  You won’t do yourself any favors if you force him, directly or indirectly, to say something to simply make you feel better in the moment.  You need honest answers so that you can make the right decision.  If he just isn’t ready and got back together with you because he missed you, you need to be prepared to do what you need to do to make yourself happy.  Do you want to be married more than you want to be with him if he’s not ready and may not be in the near future?  I don’t think ultimatums are necessary.  If he’s honest about how he feels and you’re honest about how you feel, you need to make the decision for yourself based on what he says.  If you leave, leave because you want to pursue something else, not to punish him.  

Post # 9
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Men are procrastinators.. I’m sure he is planning something, but is just taking longer than planned, especially since your trip was ruined.  I would try to get your mom to talk to him, at least that way she can find out if it’s a valid reason or not why he’s waiting so long.  If it’s not a valid reason, then she can push him to explain what is up with the stalling.  I think you’ll go crazy otherwise not knowing.. trust me I know how you feel.  My bf sat on the ring for 7 months, and I knew he had it… I was worried that there was some underlying issue, but resisted talking about it.  Sure enough, after the proposal, I talked to him about what took so long, and he just procrastinated and couldn’t find the right time… MEN!

Post # 10
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Did you ever discuss marriage back when you were 19? 

 

Why did you move back in without being engaged?

Post # 11
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Is he superstitous? Silly question, but maybe he got cold feet when your holiday got canceled and took it as some sort of sign that he should hold off?

While this may be a silly reason, certainly it seems very nervewrecking for him so he might be having trouble connecting the dots.

You may want to have your mom talk to him and simply ask if he planned on giving you the ring. Then you will have your answer.

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