(Closed) Am I over reacting? FI's Female friend and boundrys, Long

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I over reacting?
    Yup over reacting- crazytown : Population: you : (9 votes)
    9 %
    Nope, I would have issues too : (75 votes)
    74 %
    Other ( explain) : (13 votes)
    13 %
    I like polls. : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Your fiancé needs to stop giving her the kind of attention and response she’s looking for. If he’d stop egging her on, eventually she’d go bother someone else.

    Post # 4
    Member
    8323 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @fishbone:  I agree with this.

    I don’t really think the texts are inappropriate or out of character for this girl given the information you have provided about her. So to me it is no big deal. But if it bothers you and your FI and you have discussed it together than yeah I think he should stop engaging with her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Seems like it’s a two-way conversation, at least from that example you posted. I’m not saying he is doing anything wrong, but it seems like it’s just joking. I can see why it would bother you, but I wouldn’t if I were you. If he is disturbed by it, he should say something. He should also either ignore her or stopher before she goes any further, rather than participating in the weird conversations.

    Though it doesn’t seem like anything untoward is, or will happen.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1292 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    It’s a little inappropriate but it’s not the worse thing in the world… I’m not sure if I missed something but you asked what your guy should respond with, and it seems like he already responded.

    However, if you’re referring to the future as in, what should your fiance say to her if she becomes inappropriate again..he can do one of two things.

    1. Ignore it and just change the subject…In this situation with this particular text about naked twister though he absolutely didn’t say anything terribly wrong, he kept the conversation going, encouraging her.  

    2. Tell her it makes him uncomfortable…which he probably doesn’t want to do as it’s somewhat confrontational

    Post # 8
    Member
    1716 posts
    Bumble bee

    She seems to be hinting at something not good in my opinion. If SO was getting texts like that I’d tell her to back the fuck off, He is going to be married soon, so being inappropriate over text messages has to stop now if she wants to be in any part of the rest of his life.

    I’m not nice though.

    Post # 10
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

    She is being suggestive but I don’t think it’s towards your FI. I don’t think she said anything out of line in that conversation at all.

    Post # 12
    Member
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    That conversation wouldn’t bother me at all. Then again, my fiance and I are both very inappropriate with our friends. The only thing that irritates me about that conversation is how borderline illiterate his friend seems to be. 😛

    Post # 13
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @fishbone:  +1

    she seems starved for attention…. FI needs to stop playing her game.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Kinda felt like he was encouraging her in that text.Tell him to be honest with her and that that he feels uncomfortable by her messages.I would be annoyed too.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @imalittlebirdie:   I’ve interacted with you/seen enough of your posts to think you are not the type of girl to be irrational about this kind of thing.  I have a feeling your FI, like mine, is the “peacemaker” type, who would rather passively respond to this kind of thing, and downplay it, than to say or do anything to escalate it in to drama. Thats what his responses look like to me – he’s not trying to egg her on, but he isn’t shutting her down either.   We also dealt with boundary issues with a female (wanna-be “one of the guy”) friend – they were different (she started planning his bachelor party) but, I think the advice I’m going to give you would be the same…  DON’T react with jealousy or possessiveness or by insulting this girl. Have a very calm, very rational conversation with your FI about how this makes YOU feel (what I mean is, make it about your feelings, not your opinions of her or her behavior). Use “I feel” sentences – like “I feel like this is crossing a line and it makes me uncomfortable”.  If you approach it that way, your FI can calmly approach this and set some ground rules.

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