Post # 1
I have a fairly close friend who no-showed at my wedding a few weeks ago. I got a text from her later in the evening saying that it was “the worst day of her life” and she was very sorry that she couldn’t be there, but no further explanation. I know sometimes emergencies happen and I was worried, so I texted her back, “Is everything okay? What happened?” Her response was: “I’ll tell you what happened over dinner when you get back from your honeymoon.”
Well, we’ve been back for a few days now and no word from her. She’s posting on FB, so we know she’s not in the hospital or anything. She also sent us a card and gift in the mail. I keep going back and forth between reaching out to her to a) make sure she’s okay, and b) tell her how hurt I was that she didn’t make it without an explanation – or just dropping it and distancing myself from her.
We had a few other people drop out at the last minute, too – but for whatever reason, this girl’s no-show is the only one that really bothers me. I think it’s because we really scrambled to be there for her wedding a few months ago. She’d planned a destination wedding, but then eloped and planned a last-minute reception on about three weeks’ notice. DH and I had plans for that evening – my parents came in from out of town to attend our venue’s tasting event – but we wound up leaving hours before the end of our own tasting so that we could make it to her wedding. And even though my bank account was running on fumes at that point, we scraped together enough money to give her a generous gift. So I think it just burns my buttons that after all that, she couldn’t even be bothered to tell me WHY she didn’t show up at our wedding. I know there are good reasons to miss a wedding – people get sick, families have emergencies, shit happens – but to be all mysterious and “I’ll tell you later” about it just bothers me.
And I guess it’s also just the culmination of her being really difficult through the whole wedding planning process – she insisted that we register together then showed up late and was upset that I’d started without her, she started a fight with a bridesmaid over the invitations to my bridal shower – this just feels like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Anyway… am I over-reacting? Or would you be pissed, too?
Post # 3
Did she know exactly when you got back? Just text her and say, “Hey, can we catch up? I’ve been thinking about you! Hope everything’s okay.”
Post # 4
@KatieBklyn: I would abstain from judgement until I actually heard what happened, I understand your feelings, but you honestly don’t know what was going on and until you do, making a decision or acting too harshly is a bad idea.
Post # 6
I think it’s hard to know how peeved you should be without an explanation. I agree it’s totally annoying she hasn’t given you one yet. I had a few no-shows. I wrote them out of my life, and never received an explanation.
Post # 7
@Nona99: I agree.
OP, I’d wait and hear what she has to say before you jump to any conclusions. I’d definitely go ahead and reach out to her. She might be waiting to contact you so you can unwind and things settle down. I know I’d wait about a week after someone got back from their HM before contacting them.
Post # 8
I think all you can do is give her the benefit of the doubt until she can give you an explanation. It could be something serious like a death in the family or maybe nothing at all (in which case, you have a right to be upset). You could reach out to her and say hey I’m back from my honeymoon, when do you wanna grab dinner.
Post # 9
@KatieBklyn: I wish I could be as understanding as the PP’s, but I would be pissed too.
Post # 10
it sounds like she didn’t want to ruin your wedding and honeymoon with whatever bad thing happened to her. and maybe she doesn’t know you are back.
call her and ask her to get together. she sounded like she was going to tell you the reason when you got together after your honeymoon.
Post # 11
Yeah, I agree with the above. Does she know you’re back?
peachacid‘s advice is good.
Post # 12
@KatieBklyn: Definitely hear her out. Depending on how you are and handle things, you may want to wait to talk to her. I am someone who likes to get things off my chest right away BUTTTTT I do have a very hard letting go of negative feelings. So knowing myself I would wait till after the honeymoon to talk to her. But if you dont have a hard time letting go and resolving things then talk to her before.
What she did is definitely not right. I dont care HOW bad of a day you are having- unless you are hurt/ill or someone died – there is no real excuse to miss a wedding. I dont even care if you got served with divorce papers, found out your spouse was cheating, lost your job….
TO ME!- missing a wedding (A ONCE IN A LIFE TIME EVENT) of a loved one is something you cant take back- you cant redo. She better have a damn good reason!
Post # 13
@KatieBklyn: Text her and see if she can get together asap. Hear her out!
Post # 15
I would wait to hear her out… it could be something devastating to her that she doesn’t want to openly share on facebook. You said she’d been married for a few months, what if she had a miscarriage? That’s certainly something devastating enough to keep her from attending a wedding, but not something that she’d openly share with everyone she knew. I’d definitely reach out to her, and see what she says.
Post # 16
Maybe she’s waiting for you to reach out to her. In the grand scheme of things her missing your wedding is not an earth shattering event. You can’t control the actions or lives of others so even if in the end you determine her excuse is not a valid one for attending the wedding you have to decide if it’s worth losing a friend over. In most cases the reasonable answer is probably no.