Post # 1
Hey bees, this is my first “real” post – just need to get a little rant off my chest! My boyfriend (26) and I (24) have been together for four and a half years and living together for four. We’ve both had stable full time jobs for the entire relationship. I started to feel ready to be married about two and a half years into our relationship, but as we were still really young, I was prepared to wait a few more years. We have talked about our future (including marriage) many, many times since that period and there has never been a question that we would spend the rest of our lives together. This time last year he wanted to find a ring, we went on a search for the perfect one, and by March he had the ring in his possession. Everything was going great and I began eagerly (but not too eagerly!) anticipating the proposal. I didn’t bring it up at all for the first few months because I knew he wanted to surprise me. I gently checked in with him after six months just to make sure we were still on the same page and all he said was that he was waiting for the “right” time. We are not flashy people (very much introverts, in fact) and my ring was only $500. There’s no reason for him to think I expect a spectacle and I have told him that it’s not necessary. Still nothing.
Anyway, what really made me uncomfortable was a remark he made today. We have three family member weddings coming up next summer. He said, “You know what’s going to happen at all these weddings. Everyone is going to look at us and go, ‘When’s your turn?!'” I honestly don’t think he meant it this way, but my over thinking brain immediately thought – “does that mean we won’t even be engaged by then?” I’m trying not to dwell on what I think (and hope) was an off-handed comment, but what’s your opinion? I’ve been really laid back about this whole waiting thing thus far, but I think it’s finally getting to me! Ugh.
Post # 2
brixton: He could have meant that everyone will have noticed that you’re actually engaged by that time and will be wondering when your wedding date is! 🙂
Post # 3
brixton: I would have said exactly what you were thinking at that moment. If you want a timeline you should ask him for one/discuss it with him.
Post # 4
He could have meant it like “everyone knows we are meant to be together and serious, so when’s our turn” he knows you want to get married, enjoy and be patient 🙂 perhaps he wants to wait until these family weddings have come and gone, so all the attention will be focussed on you both.
i do think that as well boys say things that don’t come out quite right… I’m over analyse everything (maybe not the best person to reply to your post!) but try not to read too much into it. You’re young and have a lifetime ahead 🙂 let us know when he does pop the question!
Post # 5
Dovetail: I think you’re right, we were goofing around when he said it and I don’t think he even thought it through. I guess I was just feeling sensitive! I have bad anxiety so I’m my own worst enemy most of the time.
Yak: Thank you. You’re right, I assumed that him buying the ring meant it would come soon and assumptions don’t equal good communication. Growing up as a shy kid in an emotionally volatile home made me really good at tiptoeing around other people’s feelings and suppressing my own. It’s been a struggle to grow a pair as an adult – but my boyfriend is extremely accepting and open minded and he’s the one person I definitely don’t need to be afraid of offending 🙂
geh: Thanks, your comment was very sweet and helped put things into perspective! I definitely need to chill out. I’ve actually enjoyed waiting so far and I feel much better after sleeping on it so I guess this was just a bad moment.
Thank you again everyone, you guys are awesome. I feel so much better letting it out and realizing how silly it sounds haha. I am so lucky to have my amazing boyfriend and I would 100% stay whether we ever get married or not. Hopefully I have good news to share soon, but until then I’ll refocus on improving myself 🙂