(Closed) Am I overreacting?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

wedding trumps a video game…. at least in my book. 

Post # 4
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I would have a serious discussion with him about it.  I know you don’t want to make a big deal over it, but to be honest, he can play this magic game anytime.  You should be his first priority, and if this is something you want him to be involved with, he should be.  I would tell him straight-forward, this is important to me, and I think that it should be important to you for that reason alone.  I wouldn’t let it slide and you be upset because then you’ll just focus on it until you can’t keep it in one day and let it all out.  Better to address it now and let him know how you feel.

Post # 5
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

ditto. youre not over reacting in the least. id tell him to skip it if he knows whats good for him. You shouldnt be sad wedding planning and you need to tell him this.

Post # 6
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

definitely make him come. why don’t you ever see him anymore? what does he do during the day now that he has been laid off?

Post # 7
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. I think this is way more important than an online game…marriage should come first. Always. Especially since he’s the one who wanted a wedding!

Post # 8
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i would definitley talk to him about it, you should be on the same page with wedding planning. my fi and i actually just talked about this because we were at the rental place and there was another girl there with her friend, planning her wedding. it made me so sad to see her there without her fi, and i told my fi that i would never be able to do that because he’s critical in the decision making!

Post # 9
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would make him come!  The whole wedding was his thing so he really shouldn’t be just leaving you with the planning because he doesn’t want to do it!

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Oh boy, I was thinking at first his PTQ thing was something for work.  What a turn.  I don’t think you are overreacting.  He shouldn’t be ableto cop out for a video game, especially since this is for the wedding HE wanted.

I think it’s also good to get him away from the computer, because as you said, he’s been laid off.  I don’t think a game on the computer is bad.  But for him to want to play this PTQ so badly that he thinks it should come before these appointments I think is a little red flag.    I could totally misunderstand this.  But thought I’d just say it, in case you’ve noticed that he’s not spending enough time looking for work.    It can be easy to feel depressed and get hooked in mindless stuff.  Sorry to get off topic.

Post # 11
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You are not over-reacting – sometimes we need to tell them what we need and in this case you need him to be there!

So tell him you really want him to be there and you have been looking forward to this for a long time and he knows that. He will do the right thing and I don’t think it has to spoil the day as he was the one who wanted to bow out of plans he has already made.

Post # 12
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Definately make him go! He has to show effort and be involved or it will become a bad habit

Post # 13
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m sorry this happened, and I don’t think you’re overreacting. During our wedding planning I had the same approach – do the reserach myself, narrow down to a few options, present to him for decision. I wouldn’t change that model, but looking back some of frustration I experienced along the way was due to the fact that he didn’t realize the amount of research and work I did “behind the scenes”. So when he did things similar to what your FI is doing, he wouldn’t think it was a big deal, and would be surprised when I got upset.

I don’t think you would be out of line to tell him this is really important to you, you’ve put a lot of time and effort into it, and you want him to come. I would also tell him that you are doing a lot of things to make the planning process easier for him, and you would appreciate the same kindness in return when you ask him to do something wedding-related for you.

Post # 15
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@TPHoliday – that just sucks. I’ve had similar convos with my FH, but if something’s really important I just say “hey – if you want this wedding, you’ll be there. Otherwise, we’ll do it my way and just go to the courthouse and save a ton of money.” That usually gets him moving Wink

And, I’m going to take this a step further and stick my nose where it definitely doesn’t belong. Since he is laid off, why should you have to carry all the load as far as wedding planning goes? I’m guessing he has some spare time between looking for a new job and PTQ to do some research for the event. That way, you could relax a bit and find time to hang out together. Just my 2 cents from 1000 miles away.

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