Am I overreacting?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think you’re necessarily overreacting, I would be hurt as well.  If she wants to meet your damn family so badly, why is she acting this way at a chance to do so?  Also, if she thought you were gift grabbing, nice of her to say it in a forum full of others.

Sounds like a typical thing for her to do, but I will say though you are hurt, remember to pick your battles.  Your FI should understand that no matter how he takes it, you are upset.  He should stick up for you and then if he thinks it’s a  little silly, tell you that privately.  You need to have a united front with someone like her.

If she’s always like this, there will be other times.  Choose your hill to die on, I don’t know that it’s this one.

As for seeing them tomorrow, either forget it, or bring it up in a “I was hoping that by having a party for my graduation our families could meet…and seeing as how I didn’t have one for HS, I thought it was a great opportunity..”

Post # 4
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@sauerdragon:  Yep I think you are overreacting. I also think you are oversharing with his family…I am very close with FI’s family but I would never do a group chat like that. The whole situation is kinda weird and immature. Why do you give her the power to shut down any idea at all when it comes to your wedding? It’s your wedding isn’t it? How old are you?

Post # 5
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sauerdragon:  Hugs!!!!  She seems like she will be the stereotypical MIL.  You are entitled to have a college graduation party if you want.  Graduation from college is a milestone, and you have every right to want to celebrate it.  My cousin had parties when he graduated from middle school, HS and college!  If you don’t want gifts, that is fine.  It seems you just want family and friends to get together.

I am not very outspoken myself, and I would never do anything to harm a future relationship, but I would have said “well, a college graduation is something I have worked very hard for.  Everyone graduates from HS, and I want to celebrate this moment in my life”.  Your FI probably thinks you are overreacting because he knows his mother.  You could blow it off as “just her way”, if you want.  But, if she is a constant PIA over everything, he should be on your side and put her in her place.

Post # 6
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@sauerdragon:  If it comes up simply tell her “I didn’t have a HS graduation party so it’s impossible to selfishly invite people to a ‘second’ party. Also I thought it would be a great opportunity for you to meet my family. I hope you can make it.” And then do not speak about it further. Have your damn party and fsck ’em.

Also.. I despise when people tell me I am overreacting. NO ONE gets to dictate my emotions and NO ONE is the judge of which reactions of mine are appropriate or not. 

Post # 7
11626 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, I think this is an overreaction.  You’re going to need to get a thicker skin with in-laws.  Everyone has inlaws who seem to say things that aren’t the nicest, but you just grin and bear it.  

If your biggest complaint with your MIL is that she criticized you wanted a graduation party, I think you’re all you need to do is let it slide off your back and move on.

Post # 8
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sillysillybee:  I must agree with the wedding stuff.  WHY DOES she have any power over your wedding choices? Is she paying for it?  I mean really, don’t tell her anything anymore about it, plan away and screw her opinion.

Post # 10
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@sauerdragon: it might just be a difference in values. I don’t understand why FI isn’t sticking up for you. (Hugs)

Also, not a good sign if he tells you that you’re overreacting. Way to minimize your feelings. Not cool. Maybe you wouldn’t react that way if his mom hadn’t gone off and ranted at you. just saying. 

Post # 12
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

@sauerdragon:  I wouldn’t really say anything to her. Was she wrong? Yup! I just don’t see how telling her you hurt her feelings will change anything. I would just try to move on from it. Invite them to the party, and if she comments on it again I would just tell her that you thought it was a great reason for BOTH families to get together, and you really aren’t expecting any gifts. I wasn’t expecting any either, but people tend to be generous, and I ended up with almost $2,000 after my HS graduation. 

Post # 16
19 posts



“mom stop being mean. _____ can have a graduation party if she wants” to which his mom said “stop being so defensive”

So sad that she couldnt even step out of herself to realize her rude she is!

anyways, your FI is awesome for standing up for you! 

Throw the party anyways! 

if she doesnt come, so what?. You can also mention that it’s a chance to meet your family, and maybe she will see that as a great reason not to decline!.


Congrats on your engagement and graduation!

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