Am I Overreacting?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2219 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1987

    Just give her a date by which you will need to know whether she is coming or not.  Then stick to it and have a backup plan in case she says no.  Don’t talk about the shower until this date. 

    She won’t know how well she will feel until closer to the time and so wont be able to answer. 

    There may also be other things going on.  You are marrying the love of your life and looking forward to a blissful future.  She is suffering from depression, anxiety and allergies and has had to mave back in with her parents.  Be kind and supportive, and dont’ be offended too quickly.  She may simply be doing her very best not to be envious of your good luck.  If she can’t commit after the agreed date you will just have to be gracious and look forward to seeing her at your wedding.

    Post # 3
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee

    soon2bemrsjaj:  I think what threw me off personally was that last line “until then, can we not discuss it?”. No I think you’re not sensitive, but that’s a huge clue out there to tell you to leave her alone. 

    You have done nothing wrong and I don’t think you are excessively bothering her. She is just probably going through a lot. Give her some space and let her contact you instead. But I have a feeling that she may not come to the wedding after all.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6028 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think you’re overreacting. So,etimes people don’t want to talk about a particular topic for whatever reason and she just let you know. Nothing wrong with that!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1236 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

    Yes. You’re overreacting, and not being sensitive to her medical and financial needs. Most brides I know talk about their wedding WAY more than they realize – not saying this is definitely the case with you, but it’s a serious possibility. (I call it “bridal blindness” and will probably struggle with it myself in the near future!) Also, she’s probably feeling extremely sensitive and self-conscious about her medical and physical situation, and may have been worried you were prying for information about whether she can come. She knows that you know about her situation, she knows that you have a lot planned, and she knows that you’ll want her at the shower.

     

    Cut her some slack and stop taking HER anxieties as some kind of personal slight against yourself.

    Post # 7
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee

    As someone who has had experience with anxiety and depression…don’t take it personally. She’s going through a hard time, and it’s often hard to process others’ happy times when your mind is constantly bombarding you with negative thoughts, emotions, and physical symptoms. Try to be as sensitive and understanding as possible. While I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, it’s easy to overlook mental problems sometimes, especially at such a distance. I’m not trying to imply that you are overlooking them, btw, I’m just saying be extra aware of her situation. Everything will work out, and based on what little I know, it doesn’t seem personal, she’s just going through a difficult time.

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