Post # 1
My fiance and I just got engaged on new year’s after almost 5 years together and we couldnt be happier (or so I thought)
Today I found pictures of some girls on his iphone; they’re pictures of different girls, who we personally know (just acquaintances, not close friends), in bikini’s, sexy dresses etc. There were about 8 different pics. When I confronted him with it he was shocked and said he had deleted the pictures, and admitted that he had saved them so that he could masturbate to them. I am deeply hurt, pissed off, sad and just feel so betrayed. I know he watches porn once in a while and I know he masturbates sometimes, but the fact that he used these pictures of people we actually know and run into once in a while is really upsetting to me. We have a fairly good sex life, we have sex 1-2 times a week on average, with short periods sometimes of 10 days max in which we don’t have sex simply because we’re too busy/tired/whatever. He saved those pictures during one of those short 10 day dry spells.
He cried and apologized, I cried so hard my head hurts, and he insists that it doesn’t mean anything, it was just him being a horny dumbass, that he loves me more than anything and would die if he lost me. He promised he would never ever do such a stupid thing again. I want to know if I’m overreacting,, on the one hand, this shit is just really upsetting and makes me feel like I’m not hot or sexy enough, on the other hand, he truly is a great guy in every other way and I know that men sometimes just can’t help but act like pigs sometimes.
Am I overreacting? Or do I have every right to be livid?
I’m sorry, I forgot to originally mention that he got the pictures off Facebook, so he didnt have any contact with them/they didnt send him the pics
Post # 3
@Teddya: Hun, you every right to feel what your feeling! I would also be livid, especially if they were of people we knew! On the flip side, I think this is something that can be worked through, as long as you feel he is being honest about his reaction to you and it sounds like he is!
Post # 4
@Teddya: Normally I’m one who doesn’t think it’s a big deal for a spouse to look at porn or anything like that, but since you KNOW the people he is jerking it to? That is ridiculous! I would be really upset too!! I don’t really have any advice for you. I just wanted to send some *hugs* your way!!
Post # 5
I think you under reacted! I don’t think he would be my fiancé after that. It’s bad enough when it’s pictures of people you don’t know, but it makes it seem more like cheating when it’s people you do know. That’s my opinion, at least.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t care if it were a model or some unknown person, but people you know? that’s crossing the line. That’s asking for future trouble right there. It starts with pictures….who knows what would happen down the line? I’d be livid.
Post # 7
I don’t think livid even describes how I would feel. Porn is one thing, but to have pictures of people whom both of you know is a lot more personal. I would definitely be upset. I don’t even have any advice because I don’t know what I’d do in this situation, but I wish you luck!
Post # 8
I would be furious and upset too, you actually know these girls!
Post # 9
You have every right to be livid!!! I had the same thing happen in my relationship with my SO. He had sexy pictures of his ex girlfriend on his computer. He claims he didn’t use them for anything, rather found them and looked through them before deleting them. I still don’t believe him. I would certianly struggle with that. I will say, atleast he was 100% honest. But men are pigs sometimes. I give you credit for not ending it out of anger. I would certianly talk through it some more before just letting it go. I’m so sorry girl!
ETA: Where did he get them!?? Was there contact to get them or just off of Facebook or something?
Post # 10
You are not over-reacting if this is how you feel, and its understandable, really. But I would give myself some time to process my feelings before I revisited this issue, because honestly, to me, this is a little odd, but nothing to worry about….I get being upset because you know these women, but to him, they are pictures on a screen, men are visual creatures and solo-lovin is a natural normal thing….maybe the magazines and other material available is something he’s not interested in, or he knows it might upset you to find it….so he thought this was a better alternative.
The point is, his alone time is not a symptom of sexual dissatisfaction with you in any manner, but the earmark of a sexually healthy individual.
Take some time, remember he’s just as mortified as you are, and think about what kinds of things you feel ok with him looking at in order to enjoy and have that private, personal experience that some people tend to like and need as part of their erotic selves.
Post # 11
I have no problem with FI looking at porn, but I would be LIVID if he was jerking off to photos of women I knew! I honestly think that crosses a line, however since he was honest and upfront about it, I think you can work through it.
Post # 12
Not overreacting at all. I like others don’t have an issue with porn but this is very wrong in my book. I will be sending positive thoughts your way, as I know this is something I would have a really hard time getting over.
Post # 13
I’m sorry I forgot to mention he got these pictures off of their Facebook pages, not that he had any contact with them etc
Post # 14
I would be very hurt if I found out my DH was plasuring himself to pictures of females we know. On top of that, I would be curious as to how he got the pictures on his phone in the first place. Did he download them from facebook, or did he ask for them specifically from the girls? If he was receiving pictures that he had requested from the girls, I would be beyond upset (to me, that would definitely be a deal beaker, or at least an act of dishonor that requires counseling to recover from). I honestly do not know how I would react besides a lot of yelling, then taking time to myself, and talking after thet. Good luck OP, and hugs to you!
Post # 15
Keep it impersonal, dude. Not your friends!
You’re not over reacting and trust is now broken. He needs to work with you to make sure you don’t doubt him (if you stay with him).
Post # 16
You are definitely NOT overreacting and I would be extremely hurt, upset, betrayed, etc as well. I think it’s really wrong and gross that he did this; however I DO think that it’s something you guys can work through and move past. I don’t think it would be a deal breaker for me, but I would definitely be really upset and hurt. Sending warm wishes your way!!! I hope you guys can work things out.