- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2016
Your FI should man up and tell his brother that he can’t come over without at least a warning, and that he can’t be mooching off of your food and such.
That would drive me up the wall. If your FI really won’t confront his brother and you don’t want to come off as a bitch there is a simple solution. Change the locks and don’t give him a new key. If he can’t get in, he can only come over when he calls first. If he asks you why the locks are different you can always tell him there have been break-ins in the neighborhood recently 😛 It’s not even a lie because he has been entering your place without permission which is the first definition of break-in according to Merriam Webster.
You or your FI needs to stop trying to give subtle hints and just say “hey, please call before you come over, also we need you to leave by __ PM if you come over at night.”
It’s your condo and your FI needs to stop being afraid of his brother tattling to their mother. It shouldn’t matter that his brother tells their mom because your FI is a grown man who does not live at home, there is nothing their mother can do.
this would drive me nuts! my family has a very “open door” policy and I swore I would not allow that in my own home when I was growing up. I now have taken over my grandmothers house and she still lives there even though financially FI and I run the household. We take care of her. Since she still lives there, and her home used to be a revolving door of visitors, it wasnt’ uncommon for people to just come at any time, including bringing their kids to eat out of our fridge, swim in our pool, and just generally take advantage of the house. When I took over I had to be very direct with family, even close family, and explain that it’s not ok to just show up, a phone call first to see if we are busy or are up for company is now required. Most of the time Im ok with it, but on days when I have had too much or just want to enjoy my immediate family (FI, my son, my grandmother) alone without visitors I get the chance to say “ya know what, now isn’t a good time. Maybe next time!”. Bottom line is, it’s your home with your SO. You need to set some boundaries and just explain that not knowing when you are going to come home to someone being in your home is not ok with you.
Change the locks. Also your FI needs to tell his brother that he will need to schedule his visits. Your FI does not need to provide a reason, and if the brother whines to their mother, so what?
I am SO sorry your privacy is being invaded like that. Family is wonderful, unannounced intrusions are not.
@Astra: THIS. Please talk to your FI about changing the locks and telling his brother that he cannot come to YOUR home whenever he wants.
My FBIL has never lived at our place, but he (35 years old) has no sense of propriety. Whenever they’re in town, they just show up at our place and expect that we’ll welcome them (just to hang out, not to stay). Our place is never guest ready (we have no room!), and they NEVER call. This past Sunday, they showed up at our place at 6:15PM, just as we were about to make dinner, and I was in nothing but my underwear. Thankfully, I was in the back room and just peeked out for a second before locking myself in. I immediately texted my FI and told him that he had to tell them to LEAVE. He told them that they couldn’t hang out because we were going to have dinner and relax before I had to go to bed (hello, I had to work the next morning), so they left after 10 or so minutes. Their excuse for not calling was that they got a new phone and didn’t have his number (except that we literally JUST gave it to them a few weeks before). That does NOT make it okay to just come over!
Definitely change the locks. In my family, nobody drops by without calling first.
I ditto changing the locks. Might as well upgrade your security while keeping out an unwanted guest. I wouldn’t give him a heads up about it either, because it’s not his house and not his business. He can find out when he sees the new hardware. If he asks for a new key, I’d tell him we could let him in if we’re home.
At the very least, I’d put a password on the desktop and nix the guest account. He might take that hint.
You guys need to say something. If FI doesn’t, I would change the locks, especially if you ask for his key back and he doesn’t do it.
@misswhereami: Not overreacting. Time to talk to FI and confiscate FBIL’s key. What if he walks in on you two doing the deed somewhere other than the bedroom? Case closed, get the key. FBIL needs to call and ask before dropping by.
@misswhereami: No, you arent’ overreacting. This would annoy the piss out of me as well. Just have your SO keep it real with him: “dude, listen: we love when you come hang out…but can you please give us a heads up first? What if you walk in and one of us is naked or something?”
Have him make a joke out of it. No need for a big blow up…unless he doesnt stop.