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Not to be harsh, but I don't really see why you're extremely upset either. I get that it's kind of ridiculous and yeah you're now going to change a few people around (PITA, I know, but it'll be okay). Maybe she just said something to her FI since he is a part of the wedding. She probably figured you would grant her request more if it came from a wedding party member.
I don't know why you're upset either. most couples make seating charts together so it shouldn't matter who she asks.
So she wears a hat, who cares? No one will care.
breath, it's ok...
@Atalanta: If she had asked my FI, I also would not have been bothered. It was that she chose not to ask directly. She also texted the woman in the other couple and told her she was doing her a huge favor by rearranging the seating.
I think this request is a little over the top, but perhaps she thought it would be okay to ask since your FIs are BFF. I'm sure she would feel awkward asking you directly since you guys aren't close (and she is probably aware that guests usually aren't supposed to ask for certain table arrangements!) It's really not the kind of topic that is polite to bring up except with close friends and family. So I wouldn't be upset that she didn't contact you.
In terms of actually switching the seats, if it works with your seating plan and it's not a big deal, you might as well do it. If there's a good reason that you can't make it work, your FI can explain that to hers.
I can understand why you would be upset - it's something that bothered you. But this is YOUR day... not her's. Don't let her bother you. Kill her with kindness and create the seating arrangement the way YOU want to. If she doesn't like it than she doesn't have to go - one less guest off your list that could possibly save you money. :) Honestly - don't sweat it and remember it's all about you... not her.
And the hat - ignore it... she just wants attention so don't give it to her. And if she has the guts to show up with this big hat on your day (if she shows up), just ignore her!
First of all, I have to say I love the use of the word "Zilla". You can make it apply to anyone really. Bosszilla, friendzilla, groomzilla, the options are endless.
Secondly, I can see your point how you dont like how she went about letting you know about her seating change. I think it would be different if you werent social with her but that fact that you are would get under my skin as well. And the big hat, I didnt really know people still wore big hats.
All of this stuff may seem petty to everyone else(FI included) but you are planning a wedding and Im sure you have enough on your plate without having to re-shift people around on your seating plan.
In the big picture, these things are minor. At the end of the day you wont even notice her large hat or the fact that she was unhappy at all. Dont sweat it. Your so close to enjoying all the fruits of your labour.
All your perspectives are very helpful. I think because it's so close to my wedding (ten days, hurray!) small things just sting more.
I think this feels a little like a betrayal because I had been putting in a lot of effort to be friendly to this woman, despite the fact I don't really like her, because she seems lonely. It feels like a harsh repayment but I know one can't see social interactions that way.
Ah well, will try to let it roll off.
@gruyere: I totally understand. Are you doing placecards? You could say that they've been made and can't remake them. Guestzillas are always an interesting breed in the wedding planning process. Hopefully this is the only time you'll experience this as the wedding nears. I couldn't believe some of the calls and requests we got prior to our wedding. I would never call the bride and groom about some of the stuff I heard. I like to be a quiet, happy guest at a wedding who doesn't make the bride or groom want to strangle you!
Why are you broadcasting your seating arrangement? Our guests found out where they sat when they arrived at our reception.
@gruyere:Just do your best to ignore her. The closer we get to the wedding, the more outside people seem ridiculous to us. I wouldn't worry about--no matter how annoying it is to redo the seating chart-- you at least can seat her farther from yourself.
@carrieknitscake: Yes. I confess to looking forward to being a lovely, gracious polite guest at their wedding.
@AprilJo2011: Fi told Best Man, otherwise not broadcasting. Was clearly a mistake.
I was wondering this too.
Why she talked to her FI and not you is simple, she was much more comfortable talking to her FI, obviously. People take the easy way out. For instance my FSIL who is also a BM, never talks to me, but to FI or her mom who than tells Fi who then tells me. WTF? LAst time it was what kind of shoes she should have, she asked her bro and he told me to email her, I did and said next time just ask me. I haven't heard back from her since - meh.
@Atalanta: Yeah, I can understand why someone would do this. I just don't see it as very mature or appropriate.
I wanted to thank you all again for listening-- I feel a lot better now that I vented. Whew!
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So I spent about four hours making table arrangements this past Sunday, and my FI shares them with his best man. His best's man's FI, K, does not like her table and asks the best man to tell my FI she will only be happy with table arrangements if she is seated with one particular couple. Unfortunately, my FI already agreed to the change.
Now, I socialize with this woman, so I don't know why she didn't have the decency or maturity to write me a polite email requesting a change. In that case, while I would have been frustrated to redo tables, I would have been happy to accomodate her.
She also is wearing a huge hat to my evening, mostly indoor, wedding. Charming, right?
I just feel so naseous and emotional about the whole situation, and my FI is having a hard time understanding why I am so upset.