- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Hi Bees!!! I need some honest advice from people who don’t know me.
Two days ago I had a massive falling out with one of my bridesmaids. I kicked her out of the wedding, and ended our friendship.
She and I have been friends for close to 10 years, and while it hurts me to have to do this, I felt I had no other choice.
She got married last summer, and went to Italy on her honeymoon. While she was there, I was receiving emails about how she thinks she made a huge mistake and wishes she never got married. She and her husband are still together, trying to work things out, even though neither of them are happy. The main reason they are still together is because they (she) can’t afford to live without the other. They live in a small town five hours away from me, share one car, and have a daughter. She does not have a job. (THIS IS ALL JUST BACKGROUND). I think she is projecting her issues with her husband on to me and my relationship.
She sent me a text message on Wednesday, and we proceeded to get in to a massive war by text. The gist of her messages were that I have changed since I’ve been with my FH, am no longer free spirited, and I am controlled by my FH. She went so far as to call me a ‘Stepford Wife’. She said she doesn’t want to see me lose myself, and that when I have a baby, I won’t have any say in anything in our relationship, I will just have to go along with whatever FH says. I will lose all my friends, etc.
This all came out of nowhere in my opinion. I have never complained to her about FH, I am honestly the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.I live in the largest city in Canada, have a healthy social life outside my relationship with FH. I really don’t understand why she felt the need to say these things to me.
This started because I have been quite flexible on my wedding plans, because the most important part to me is marrying the love of my life. If the day is not exactly how I had originally dreamed, it is not the biggest deal to me. We got engaged in April of last year. We (I) had originally planned for the wedding to be in Spring 2014, so I could save more money for the things I wanted. My FH is a simple guy, and if he had his way, we would literally go to city hall with our families and have a small dinner, and it would be done with. I want a little more than that, so he has adjusted to that. He is 8 years older than I am, so babies are on his mind. We’ve pushed the wedding up to this year, and I was going back and forth between having it in August or October, because I am in a friends wedding in July, and another friend is getting married in September. I wasn’t sure I wanted to insert myself smack dab in the middle, but I also wanted a summer wedding, so I was torn between the two months. My FH expressed to me that he would rather a summer wedding. So I set it for August. I originally wanted to have the wedding in our city’s downtown core, but everything I had been pricing out was way out of our small budget. My FH’s family business is a bakery, and they had a huge empty room that was available for use, but it is about 25 minutes outside of my original ‘dream’ location, and it’s available for free. So I’m fine with having it there.
Everytime I would mention anything about my wedding to this girl, she would respond negatively. ‘That’s not what you said you wanted last year.’ ‘That doesn’t sound like what you’ve always told me you wanted before.’, and then finally this massive text war was the icing on the cake. She insulted my job, my relationship, and most upsetting of all, told me to ‘Have fun raising a child with a man who thinks it is my sole responsibility.’, massively insulting my FH. None of the things she said are valid, in my opinion. I asked a few other friends for their honest opinions, if I had changed since I had been with FH. They all say no.
Yet this girl can’t understand why I would end our friendship, thinks she had a right to say all these hurtful, nasty things, at a time that is supposed to be one of the happiest in my life.
Was I right to end the friendship and kick her out of my bridal party, Bees? Or am I overreacting? My FH would not be happy if I allowed her back in my life, but I still can’t help but feel bad.
Give me your unbiased opinions, PLEASE BEE’S!!