- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Sorry in advance for the length. All my friends are in another country so I have no one to hash this out with!
Basically a friend of mine from long ago made the effort to come to my wedding last year and a few months after it she invited myself and my husband to her wedding, which is next Thursday. We accepted when we received the invite but now that the wedding is a week away I’m not sure if it will be possible anymore. I feel terrible because I know it would mean a lot to her if I was there and since I was recently married myself I know how much last minute cancellations suuuuuck. But…
1. Shortly after we were married my husband and I moved over the sea to Germany. It’s been pretty crazy over here and the logistics of getting to the wedding are more difficult since we can’t just drive or get a train.
2. A wedding followed by an overseas move to an expensive country has left us with very little cash. If we went to the wedding we would be unable to gift anything, but if we stayed home we could give the couple something substantial. We have our flights already since they were cheap, but two nights in a hotel and two days car hire, plus petrol, plus food etc and we’re talking a lot of money.
3. We adopted a kitten three weeks ago. We planned to get a kitten for a long time but had intended to wait until after my friends wedding. However, the perfect kitten showed up and we couldn’t help ourselves. We hope to have her for many many years so we didn’t want to say no to the one we felt was perfect. At the time we thought one of Dhs work colleagues could pop by to feed her or at the worst we could put her in a kennel. However, the people DH thought would be willing to help would much rather our kitten came to their house, with their indoor/outdoor cat, which for a strictly indoor kitten is not ideal. The local kennel houses cats in groups of five (!) so that’s not happening either. We would only be away from the Wednesday evening till Friday evening so it’s not a long time, but yeeesh. I don’t know what to do about that.
4. We are EXHAUSTED. We made the final move just after Christmas and it has been non stop since then. We spent a month in a tiny boxroom while flat hunting and moved into our new place in February. Germany being Germany, we then had to furnish the whole place and buy and install a kitchen (which still isn’t finished). We really are in no shape right now to travel back to the UK. Poor DH is even worse than me since he’s working a crazy job and has no rest in the evenings and weekends. But by next week we might actually be over the hump. DH has the days off for the wedding and it is strongly tempting to simply SLEEP for most of them. We haven’t eaten properly for months and we just feel pretty crap and run down. The thought of driving to the airport, flying out to the UK ( I HATE flying, it stresses me out so badly), driving to the wedding, and doing the reverse the day after is really really…not good.
All of this is massively at odds with my strong desire to be there. I know it would mean a lot to her and I worry that not going with this late notice might permanently damage our friendship since it’s based on only a few meetings since we were teenagers (we were really close as children but lived in different countries so we only saw each other when I was on holiday where she lived. once my parents sold the apartment we had there we had very little communication). I was so touched that she came to my wedding (she moved to the UK as an adult so it was a train ride away for her). Would she see it as shallow if we didn’t go but sent a really nice gift? I know we should have figured this out ages ago, but we just kept forgetting it was even happening because we’ve been dealing with so much stress with everything else. Bees, what would you do?
EDIT. Seriously, I do feel really terrible about this so I don’t need people being snarky or making digs at me. I KNOW it would be shitty to cancel but how could I have predicted how this move would have ended up? We have had a horrible experience and are exhausted to the point of illness (we even had a legionnaires outbreak in our first place here!). I do not see these as excuses, they are REASONS why at this point I feel torn. Up until today I was determined to go no matter what, but a bunch of delays that have cropped up with the kitchen plus the realisation that we have no one to look after our kitten has made me seriously question going. Please guys, be nice. I have no friends here, I don’t speak the language, hardly anyone speaks English (rural Germany) and I haven’t had time to even put on make up since I moved here. I feel like shit.