Post # 1
I never even noticed there was a category for elopement until today. And I never thought I’d consider it. The planning is all getting to be to much. And the guest list is more than double what we ever wanted. The drama has been crazy since the 3rd day we were engaged. And I’ve about had it. I think I’ve gotten lost in the details and don’t know what to do. I almost sent out some invitations today, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just don’t know. I just want to marry this man. And continue our lives.
What made you decide to call off the wedding you’ve been planning and scale it back to just the two of you, or maybe a few others? Any regrets?
Post # 3
My father said, “If you keep it small, I’ll send you to Fiji on your honeymoon.”
We took that deal and had a very small, very intimate wedding ceremony six weeks later, I wore a pretty dress, we took pretty pictures, it was fun, easy and honestly?? Completely cheap too!
I have no regrets, I loved and continue to love everything about that day and that will have been 5 years ago next month, it’s one of my favorite days, we had so much fun putting that little shindig together, I wouldn’t change a thing!
Post # 4
@NYCowgirl: Hey date twin. I’m not trying to talk you out of eloping, but I do want to say that sometimes it’s frustrating, but just think of HOW FUN the day will be when it actually gets here. We’re under 3 months now, which will fly by.
If you really want to elope, think about the total deposits you will lose and figure out if it’s worth it to you. I know people will say it’s not about the money, but weddings are a huge cost, so it’s definitely something to consider. Also, if your parents (or someone else) is paying, they need to be considered as well.
Hope things get easier for you!
Post # 5
I consider this so so so many times and I wanted to do it so bad, but I am my dad’s only daughter, so this was very important for him, I think more than DH and I lol…so we ended up having a very small wedding and went on a 2 week honeymoon. It was so stressful that up to this date I wish I would have just eloped….
….Do what makes you and FI happy
Post # 6
I’m still thinking about this today, while continuing to plan. I just don’t know. Our list of 60 max has grown to 100 and there’s so much drama. We’re thinking of just taking the top 10 – 15 and going somewhere….
Post # 7
@NYCowgirl: leys back up and start at the beginning. do you want a wedding but the planning is stressing you out? or do you want a wedding ypur way and pol keep butting in causing you stress? Or do you want to marry your FI and you feel that means you have to have a wedding? What did you always imagine when you thought about getting married?
Post # 8
@NYCowgirl: Our wedding hasn’t happened yet but what made us cancel our original traditional plans (and decide on family only at the courthouse) was stress. That and the realization that the thrills and frills didn’t mean a whole lot to me and I had sacrificed my own happiness for the happiness of everyone around me. It wasn’t working! Plus some financial stuff came up which pretty much solidified that it was time to change our plans. FMIL is still trying to talk us out of our plan because she doesn’t feel it will be special enough. I understand where she’s coming from but at the end of the day if I’m married to FI it will be special regardless.
If the bells and whistles of having an average/large wedding are what you are looking forward to then I would suggest pushing through the stress. If none of the aspects of a big wedding appeal to you then I would say you should either scale back or give eloping more consideration.
Post # 9
@luvmesumhim: I’ve actually never imagined what my wedding would be like. I only knew what invitations I wanted to get. And those we have and I absolutely love them!!!! A friend had them 10 years ago and I couldn’t stop thinking about them. Since we’ve been together, we’ve wanted a small wedding. At our engagement party, there were about 40 people and that seemed like a lot, so for this to grow to 100, I’m starting to short circuit a bit. I wanted a wedding. But, I’m so overwhelmed now that like another bee said she did… I want to wear the pretty dress, take some pretty pictures, say our I do’s, and have a happily ever after. A DJ and food and flowers and decorations and gifts from people we don’t know… I dunno, maybe I’m just stressing too hard and it’s making me nutty. But, I’m not this scatterbrained person and I don’t like what this process is doing to me… 🙁
Galang_Gyal: At what point in the plannig did you cancel the original plans? What are your eloping plans other than the courthouse? Dinner or anything after? I just spoke to my mom and she said she’ll try to cut the list more, but that also makes me feel bad. Who knows, if I’m a mom one day, I might want to have people at my child’s wedding. I’d like to think I’d be ok with whatever my child would want, but who knows at that point.
Post # 10
@NYCowgirl: ok that certainly helps. It sounds like you want a wedding but that the planning is stressing you out and possibly friends are family are offering more than their two cents. I suggest you and your FI sitting down and deciding what is important to you.
If you want an small ceremony of 50 or less trim your growing guest list and put your foot down to parents and potentially uninvited guests. Your in luck since you haven’t mailed the invites yet (as long as you didn’t do STDs). The important thing is no to feel pressured to give into others (even if they mean well) it is your day and you shoul have exactly what you want (and can afford).
Now I’ll add my story. First go round we went and I called ppl after and said “hey, we’re married!”. The only regret (besides obviously the groom lol) was that I didn’t have any pictures of the day.
Fast forward to now. It’s both our second time and we wanted something small. We’re having 8 ppl (parents and siblings) no wedding party besides his kids. My mom is I giving all kinds of suggestions…will your father walk you done the aisle?, have you thought of including your only sis?, what about a house wedding… The answer no, no and NO! My dad asked if his sisters can come NO! We will have exactly what we want that day a small ceremony with immediate family.
I say all that to say if you don’t want a wedding or not a traditional wedding that’s gone! Ppl should respect your wishes and if the don’t oh well with them. Stick to what you and your FI want. If you don’t want a wedding you won’t regret not having one but if you do and you let others stress you to the point you just give up all together you will regret it.
Post # 11
We didn’t do save the dates. We only got engaged xmas eve, so by the time i thought of std, it was too late. So, no worries there. However, I did ask a bunch of people for addresses that now I wish I didn’t because they might be expecting invitations.
50 or less sounds wonderful. relaxing even.
The plan is to get married on a farm in CT surrounded by mountains and horses (horses are the reason we met – on vacation in montana at a dude ranch). It’s truly breathtaking. But, all these details are killing it for us….
I’m really starting to feel a little nutty! Trying to figure out how to get happy about all this again…
Post # 12
@NYCowgirl: I was planning DW and the problem was it was going to be so subpar for the travel and cost that would require people do get there. It was opened aired, not that fancy, but in a stunning locations. I don’t live near anyone so anywhere we chose it was going to be a DW for them. I got lots of complaints about my ideas and carried on with such guilt. Then 4 months before the big day (nearly everything paid for!) we had an out. My dad was terminally ill and he had only a few months left to live.
All the while we were considering cancelling the whole thing, but the sad events with my dad just really solified it. We got our money back. I’m glad we did cancel. He died 45 days before that would have been date.
A few months later, H and I eloped to Canada and made it an awesome weddingmoon. I think everyone was relieved that I didn’t send them invitations! I have no regrets.
Post # 13
My 2 cents:
I was planning a biggish wedding, but the cost of the tent/hall was so much!
Then I planned a smaller DW wedding but trying to coordinate dates was stressful.
I’m not sure what happened, but I suddenly lost interest in throwing my “friends”who I never see an expensive party. I’m not into the silly details like favors, or colors…. etc. So we decided we’d rather travel and have a kick ass honeymoon in Hawaii. Our plan now is to elope to Hawaii, on the beach, barefoot. I can’t wait! We’ll have a backyard luau when we return at some point ( casual bbq)
So, I say?? Keep it small. Or elope, then have a small party afterward. If you have a DW ( hello, dude ranch Montana) that will keep it a very low turnout, as not everyone will go.
Are most of your family/friends in CT?
Post # 14
FI and I were planning a big wedding, and it just kept growing. I got overwhelmed and have been getting daily migraines, have lost weight, just been sick in general over this whole wedding.
A few days ago I broke down and called FI before work, and I told him I want to go to the coast, just the two of us, and get married. So that’s what we’re doing! May 3 is the new date, and now instead of wedding invitations we’re going to send out elopement announcements! No more migraines, no more being sick, and FI and I couldn’t be happier with our decision!
If you and FI feel that eloping and just going and getting married is something you want to do, then do it! This is about the two of you, and all that matters is that you two are happy. 🙂
Post # 15
@luvmesumhim: and @phillybride61513 – I wanted to give you (and everyone else that was helping me last week) an update…
We changed venues. We were doing a DIY farm wedding, and apparently, that was too much for me. Finding every fork, salt shaker, napkin and coordinating 1000 things put me over the edge (obviously).
We’re now going to be at a really cool/rustic/elegant castle that is all-inclusive (besides DJ, Photo, Video, Officiant). FI and I are back to happy and we’re really excited about the planning and the day. And we got to keep the same date!
I do think I would have regretted not having a wedding. So, thank you everyone for all your advice and helpng me see things clearly.
Post # 16
@NYCowgirl: great!!! You just gotta find what works for you!