(Closed) Am I really still dealing with this?! The family-vacation saga continues.

posted 5 years ago in Travel
Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Pinksapphire:  Stand your ground. You don’t want to get pressured into the same situation where you know it will be a miserable time for you. Eventually, you’ll start resenting your MIL, and who knows how it will affect your relationship with your SO? Just tell her you guys want this vacation as a delayed honeymoon and prefer to be alone. Be firm! It’s not your fault if she refuses to listen. Make sure your DH is on the same page. The last thing you need is him collapsing under the pressure and giving in.

Post # 4
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

You are a couple now. She just has to accept that you both want space. You can still attend family get togethers. You are not ditching the family, you are just a newly wed couple. I do think you have every reason to stand your ground on this one.x

Post # 5
Member
8318 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would go to a different location or at a different time of year. Take a trip somewhere else/new and use experiencing a different location as the excuse.

We go on family holidays all the time in my family and DH’s mum and step dad have started coming along as well. The difference is we stay at a hotel and have our own rooms and DH and I tend to sneak off for a week of the two week vacation to another area (we usually all go to Thailand so we might shoot across to one of the Islands on our own).

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Um suck it UP. you’re part of a family now… it may not work the way YOU want… this time . .sometimes it will work for you. 

this sounds like … all of my family vacations … you just suck it up.  You get to spend time with everyone for a week and its FUN.  I always look back on the trips together as an amazing time.  OUR nieces/nephews/cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents …. all had fun. it’s  a week out of your life for your hubs …

Post # 7
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

What does your DH have to say about it? I’m afraid that if he wants the whole “cram as many people into the smallest space possible then live that way for a week” situation then you’re either left stuck with it or looking like a big bitch when you make reservations on your own and haul your DH with you. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. What are the reasons you don’t have fun during these times? Is it the space issue or personality stuff?

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouln’t say anything and leave DH to continue to drive the point home. As for for ruffling feathers, your not responsible for her attitude. If she’s salty so what. Let her. And for them to schedule of on our anniversary is ridiculous. Frankly my first year I wouldn’t even go and I’d schedule a separate trip. Your need to set a precedent from now that your not automatically signing up for these family vacations. 

Post # 9
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yeesh! I certainly wouldn’t be happy with so many people in a small space… But having alone time to decompress has always been a big thing for me. I’m curious about how your DH feels about it. Does he want to stay in the condo or does he agree that it’s better to stay solo nearby? If he wants to stay with them, and won’t budge, it might just be best to suck it up and go for a week or a long weekend. But the way I explain my need for space is that I get overwhelmed easily and need to have quiet alone time to recharge and be the best, most fun and easygoing KatieBklyn that I can be. So for me, renting our own place would not only make me happier and less stressed, but would also make me more pleasant for eeveryone else to be around! If DH doesn’t get why you want some space from his family, try explaining it that way. And honestly, it might be a good idea to explain it to his family that way too. Better than having them think that you just hate being around them! 

Post # 11
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@Pinksapphire:  Stand your ground for sure! You and DH need to form a united front and explain to her that you will be booking your own accommodation as the holiday falls on your anniversary, and you would both appreciate having a little alone time as you didn’t have a honeymoon. You’re not asking too much – you’ll still see them, you’ll just be away in your own accommodation overnight!

Post # 12
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Pinksapphire: Book your own accommodation in the vacinty of where they will be (but not too close!), for half of the period they are there. For example, if they are there from Monday- Sunday, you could book a place for Thursday-Wednesday of either the week before, or after. This way you get some family time and some time alone with your husband.

You do not have to justify wanting privacy and a holiday with your husband to anyone.

Post # 14
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yikes! I’m with you and like to separate some of my life from the parents and inlaws. My ExMIL seemed to think that I was joining their family the way a kid is adopted in. If we wanted to go eat out, it would be the 4 of us. Whenever a new movie that looked good came out, the 4 of us should go get tickets. For vacation, she planned trips for years to come for the 4 of us. Um, no.

I like a PP idea of splitting the week up so that it’s half the time the extended family is there and half by yourselves. They’d have to be pretty hard hearted people not to let y’all have a honeymoon. Double [email protected] in laws. That’s so not good. 

Post # 15
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee

No No No. Your husband needs to be on the same page with you (you are 100% right) and needs to tell MIL that it is not a topic for discussion and leave it at that. This is very important and will help set a strong boundary and cement you more as your family of 2 than her children. I refuse to ever be bullied into any situation that I am uncomfortable with and I think you know you need to stand your ground. 

Post # 16
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to vacation somewhere else entirely. Don’t even tell his family where, just book a vacation to somewhere you’d like to go. Unless they bind and gag you, they cannot force you to vacation at that place, So don’t.

And DH needs to grow a pair. They are his family, so he should be the one who does the talking. (And all he needs to say is, “Sorry, we won’t be vacationing with you this year. We’ll be having some time alone”)

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