(Closed) Am I right to be furious?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6209 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think you have every right to be upset and put off, but the only thing you can do is support your FI and forget about the incident. Don’t give in to her antics, she sounds very immature. I’m sure you FI will look amazing in the suit your guys bought together!

Post # 4
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re being overly harsh, but only because you and your fiancé control your reactions to his mother’s drama. She can pout and cry all she wants. It’s up to you if you allow it to ruin your night. Heck, she might even lose the theatrics once she’s not got an audience for it.

Instead of dwelling on her flaws, or her behavior, which you can’t control, dwell on your reactions to those things, which you can 100% control.

Post # 7
Member
6209 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@smealeys:  Which is why you have the bee to vent to =) Just be happy she birthed your FI so you can marry him, and treat her like a crazy pet.

 

ETA  I’m not sure that it’s helpful for your FI if you don’t react at all. It might be best to start encouraging him to distance himself emotionally from his mom, because I’m sure she will have convenient opinions/expectations like this in years to come, especially if there will be grandkids in the picture

Post # 8
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@fishbone:  Totally agree. OP, it sounds like the mom was a bit theatrical but I don’t understand why it had to ruin the night. You guys already bought the suit so there’s no going back now. 

Post # 9
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Furious? No. Annoyed? Yes. 

Her behavior is quite annoying and uncalled for, but your FI needs to learn to control his emotions better. You put in all that effort, so he should have been happy about that instead of letting his mom’s actions ruin his night. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Definitely not something that would stop me from eating! 

Post # 10
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Umm, Next or Ben Sherman? No contest – and if she can’t see that then her style compass is seriously off. Your FI was right to be upset – just be there to comfort him and be quietly furious on his behalf. It sounds like you’re going to have a fun marriage ahead with her as your MIL….

Post # 11
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@smealeys:  Ugh, I’d be mad too. Try to cheer your FH up and let it go though. Suits from Next are great for women, but for men their clothes aren’t my favourites – my Mum keeps trying to get my FH to buy stuff from there too, but he prefers M&S!

 

Just focus on how great the suit he got is, and how good he looks in it and how much he loves it. My FH got a bargain Ben Sherman dinner suit the other year in the sales and he loves it so much – are you trying to save it for the wedding, or could you maybe glam yourselves up and hit the town in it pre-wedding, so he can feel super?

 

 

 

(When I say hit the town, I mean like the favourite burgers you originally planned and drinks at a bar you like, doesn’t have to be super expensive)

ETA: I also agree with the PP who said maybe you should let him know that you’re miffed his mum said anything. I wouldn’t bring it up yourself, but if he mentions it again, just say something like “Yeah, I can’t believe she said that. It’s not really fair of her to say. But I’m sure she’ll love it when she sees it, and I think you look amazing in it.”

Post # 12
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You always have a right to your feelings. But yes, it’s an odd occurrence. It sounds like she wanted attention and this was a chance to get it. 

 

My future MIL, does similiar things. Except she’s mean and not “sad”. She will claim really ridiculous reasons to be “upset”. To me, it’s a call for attention. A reason to have the spotlight on her. 

His mom is also unpredictable about calling & showing up. She loves to make plans and then say nothing else. Or she won’t return calls so we are left wondering. Took me just a handful of times to learn and now know better. I don’t take anything she says seriously. 

Post # 13
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yeah, your FMIL is just a drama queen trying to make everything about her.  The fact that she would do this at a celebratory dinner for him is what tips you off.  If she was a little hurt but still supported him, she might call him later and calmly mention she felt a little excluded and is there something else she can contribute?  But no, instead you got waterworks and guilt trips.  Disgusting.  

I have a very low tolerance for adults who act like scheming children to get their way…with their own kids.  I’d say maybe he should sit down with her and try to lay out some guidelines for behavior, but based on the other things you listed that she does, she just sounds too self-centered to actually care.  

You just had a rehearsal of how she will act at your wedding, if she’s not 100% happy.  Like a PP said, your FI will want to start distancing himself NOW.  

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