Am I right to be MAD at my bridesmaids?!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@dreamer1288:  

BM#1- yikes. Yeah, no you dont have to pay for her plane ticket.  You shouldnt. It also isnt up to you to provide her with a place to stay.  If you did, youd be an awesome Bride.  As a compromise on the staying with you part, offer her the twin bed and tell her that is all you have.  If she still wants her husband to come he will need to sleep on the floor, pack a sleeping bag, or sleep on the couch.  :/  That is really all you can do if you dont want to fork our extra dough.  I dont think you should. 

Post # 4
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dreamer1288:  

Bridesmaid Problem #1– given that she is married and should have some insight into weddings, AND that she didn’t pay any of your expenses, it is incredible that not only did she ask you to pay their air fares, but also waited till one month beofre the wedding to do so.

Bridesmaid Drama #2- I would remind her that she agreed to get the dress altered and that she is running out of time to get that done if she wants to remain in the wedding party.

 

You have a right to be annoyed with both of them, but don’t let either of these problems stress you out. Let these women own the problems.

Post # 6
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@dreamer1288:  Problem #1 – Keep on doing what your doing, be nice, but stick to your guns on not covering the plane ticket(s) and hotel room. This expense has been known about long enough for it not to be an issue, its too late in the game to make stupid suggestions i.e. you paying for her 2 plane tickets.

Problem #2 – Remind her gently to get it altered again, because you aren’t letting her walk down the isle in a look-a-like of your dress. If she doesn’t do it in time, simply tell her, she can’t wear it. Bottom line.

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@jesssamesssa:  +1. I can see the issues with the first example, but not the second. It will be obvious who the bride is so I wouldn’t get fussed over that.

Post # 9
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

@dreamer1288:  I don’t think you should pay for a PLANE TICKET?! that’s insane. Like PP said, i would offer the twin bed, and say that that’s what you have. For the other girl, can you ask the dress shop to call the BM to set up an appointment?

Post # 10
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@dreamer1288:  Bridesmaid #1: found out she was pregnant after agreeing to be your bridesmaid. Priorities have flip flopped (I’m sure you understand that) and that’s not anyone’s fault. If she can no longer do what you expect of her then politely ask her to step down for her own sake. 

Bridesmaid #2: Remind her gently, but don’t nag her about it. It won’t end well. I can understand how you feel annoyed, but really no one is going to mistake her as the bride. Don’t let it ruin your day.

Post # 12
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

It’s common to hold off on alterations until closer to the date because of possible weight changes.  So don’t fret that part.

As for the plane ticket, everyone is a victim of circumstance.  Odds are she’s not asking if she has any alternative.  You have to decide if having her there is worth you coming up with the money.  Pregnancies can include tons of unexpected expenses, so the fact that she had time to plan for her flight costs is irrelevant.  It’s also irrelevant to consider what you spent on being her bridesmaid.  It’s not like you have the same finances or expenses, so don’t compare the two.  The only consideration is how badly you want her to share in your day.  It won’t be fair, but if she’s an important enough friend, it will be worth it.

Post # 13
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@dreamer1288:  I kicked a girl out 6 weeks before my wedding.  Yep.  I was giving them all a free place to stay the night before since they all had to travel.  Then I paid for all their hair and makeup and I wanted their hair to be done way but like mine and just down and straight.  She had a problem with the hair (which she knew about 6 months in advance) and she told me I was ungrateful.  She did nothing for me during the planning process.  Barely contacted me even to see how I was doing.  Yep, she got the boot.  I hope you dont have to do that.  But BM1 should know how weddings are.  I mean she is married.  And BM2- well she needs a light tap on her butt to get her moving.  Maybe ask her if she has gotten those alterations done yet that she said she would.  When she says no, remind her of the deadline. 

Post # 14
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dreamer1288:  

BM 1- wow. yeah not cool.  Gotta tell her that you cannot afford this and that is why you asked so far in advance.

 

BM 2- Letting them choose a dress and then dictating how they need to alter it is a bit of an oxymoron.  I’m def in the camp of not letting yor BM’s choose.  You can reminder about the alterations she said she would do but you can’t force her to do it, IMO.  If you chose to kick her out, well that’s on you.

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