Post # 1
Ok so this happened just a few minutes ago so it’s really fresh right now and I am so upset and angry. I thought about going anon maybe, but I just need to get this out.
So, recently both Fiance and I agreed we need to lose weight. Today while we were out, we bought a pair of weighing scales so we can keep track. When we got home we started talking to my grandmother on Skype, who livets back in the UK. Anyway, I got naked so I could weigh myself accurately (my grandmother couldn’t see me, only Fiance, and we were in our bedroom, it’s too hot to go anywhere else in the house because we only have a fan in here and AC) anyway, that’s why we were in one room and there was NO WAY my grandmother could see ANYTHING. After I weighed myself, before I got dressed, I started doing some push up things against the wall, just some internet exercise thing that apparently blasts bingo wings. The next thing I know my grandmother is asking me what I’m doing, I turn my head and Fiance has the iPad pointed at my back with the camera flipped so my grandmother could see my back, ass, and side ie side boob. I died. Fiance started laughing, moved the iPad and I just turned into the corner of the wall and started crying. I’m almkst crying again now as a type this. I feel so betrayed and disgusted. Both Fiance and my gran were like “it’s only your back and your ass” but that’s not the point. I’m just speechless. I haven’t spoken to my gran since (she’s just ended the Skype call because I was ignoring her) and I’ve only spoken to Fiance to tell her to not touch me and to move out of my way so I could get dressed, because she came over and was basically trying to belittle what happened. No apology though. I’m not talking to her until she apologises, and even then I’m gonna have to force myself not to start a huge full blown argument with her. I just feel like she doesn’t understand what she did. I am ashamed of my body, I don’t mind Fiance seeing me but everyone else is a no-go. I don’t even like wearing a bathing costume at the beach and things like that.
My main question is am I overreacting? If I am, I’ll apologise to Fiance, brush it off as a joke etc. But it’s not a joke to me. Am I justified in being upset?
Thanks for letting me vent a little, Bees!
Post # 2
Yes you are way over reacting to what seems to have been a joke on your FIs part and I think you should just let it go.
To be honest whilst I was reading this I was thinking why are you doing this while your grandma is skyping with you – it seemed incredibly rude not to be giving her your full attention. It seems she thought so to as you then say she ended the call. I think you should stop fussing about your grandmother seeing your bum and apologise to her instead for your lack if manners!
Post # 3
Mrs_Purple: … I would be so so so upset if this happened to me, self conscious or not. Boundaries! Your Fiance should apologize!
Post # 4
It doesn’t matter what I think because you are clearly upset and it’s no one’s job to try to tell you how you should feel. You have the right to feel upset and no one should take that away from you.
However, I personally would not be upset. I mean to me it’s not a big deal if my grandmother sees me naked. She’s seen me naked tons of times and I’ve seen her naked. It’s not like the person who saw you naked was a complete stranger. She is family.
Just out of curiosity, how did your family handle nakedness? Was it seen as shameful or was someone’s nakedness not a big deal? I think we carry with us certain things about our childhood as we get older. You may just carry the idea that being naked in front of people (who are not your fiance/husband) is shameful.
Post # 5
It may have been a joke and you could be overreacting, but the point is that it upset you. You were embarassed and clearly your Fiance knows that, he should apologize.
FWIW I’d be very, very upset too.
Post # 6
I would be furious as well as mortified.
It is strange you were doing naked pushups while on skype with your gramma though? Not that it justifies your Fiance acting like a jerk, just strange. I would want an apology.
Post # 7
I would be upset, but I would also get over it. I’m sure you will too. That was very rude and inconsiderate on the part of your Fiance. Funny, but most often these people wouldn’t think it was so funny if the roles were reversed.
Post # 8
I think if something upsets you, if that’s your first reaction, then that’s obviously how you feel. That’s okay. However, I have no idea why you’d be calling your grandmother and then decide to get naked to weigh and begin exercising? Seems like you could’ve waited and spoken to her before doing all your naked stuff.
Your Fiance should apologize for hurting your feelings–it wasn’t intentional, but still–and then you should let it go and also learn from this.
Post # 9
Just wanted to mention that my Fiance is a woman, not a guy. And as I mentioned, I only got naked to weigh myself accurately, everywhere else in the house is too hot (we live in Nicaragua, it’s absolutely boiling) and there was no possible way my grandmother could see me.
I was telling my gran that we bought the scales, she asked me how much I weigh, so I was partly doing it to let her know, and the reason I stopped talking to her was because I was upset. I was planning on apologising to her next time I talk to her anyway.
I’m thinking of leaving it for maybe about 30 minutes, just for me to calm down a little, and then approach the subject with Fiance. I don’t feel it’s ok for me to ask her to apologise though.
Thank you all for responding.
Post # 10
Even though it was meant to be funny, I don’t really see the humor in what your Fiance did and I think she owes you an apology. It’s not ok to show someone’s naked body without their permission. I’m surprised she doesn’t see the problem with that.
Post # 11
I see it a bit both ways- you took off your clothes to get weighed real quick (no problem there), but then instead of getting dressed right quick and getting back to a call to YOUR family, you started goofing off basically. You can do push-ups anytime, I’d be way mad to be on the phone with my DH’s family and have him go off and start exercising.
That being said, she didn’t need to do that to you. That wasn’t right.
Post # 12
Mrs_Purple: Yeah, I wouldn’t find this funny, either. I’d be furious with my Fiance an completely embarrassed.
Post # 13
I just do not understand why you would choose that moment to exercise. Couldn’t it have waited until after your call? I find that extremely rude to do that during a call to YOUR family member. <br /><br />
I would be a little upset that she had done that but I think you’re overreacting.
Post # 14
Mrs_Purple: Dick move on behalf of your Boyfriend or Best Friend. I think it’s quite forgiveable though once you have a chance to cool down.
Post # 15
I assume that your Fiance is aware that you have body confidence issues in which case she should have known better than to do that to you. However I’m sure she didn’t do it maliciously. You both need to talk this through and try to find a way to deal with it.