Post # 1
So the big day is approaching and I only have 3 weeks until we move into our 2 bedroom apartment. We’ve currently been living in a bachelor apartment for a few years but a lot of my stuff is still in my old room at my parents house because there was simply no room to bring it all. When I announced to my parents that we’d be moving into a bigger place they were thrilled for us and even offered to help load my stuff at their place into the uhaul.
I’ve spent about most of my evenings this past week at their house packing up stuff. I have almost everything packed into bins, boxes, and bags so my old room is practically empty. Out of nowhere my mother starts telling me that I am bringing too much stuff with me. I flat out told her that I am not leaving things behind as I want all of my things to be with me in what I see as my first actual place. The next time I move (in years) I don’t want to try and coordinate trying to move my other stuff out of her house at the same time. She has provided the following reasons as to how stupid I am:
- You won’t be living there long enough and will need to pack everything back up when you move again (we intend to stay for years)
- You don’t know how long you and FI will even be together (we’ve been together over 6 years already!)
- Just because you are getting married doesn’t mean it will last very long and you’ll need to move back in (with that attitude I might as well just forget getting married)
- You don’t want to overcrowd your apartment, I know you can’t afford THAT big of a place (whatever I can fit into my small bedroom can fit in a 2 bedroom apartment easily)
- If you can’t pay rent one month you’ll can’t afford to move all of it back out again (I don’t see us being in the position in the near future)
- You’ll just come crawling back and I don’t want to have to remove all that stuff ourselves
These reasons have me pulling my hair out. If I didn’t do anything where there was a risk then I’d still be living in their house afraid to go outdoors because anything could happen. Yet she has be second guessing my decision and feeling like I may be making a mistake by moving all of my old things out. I can understand that this may be her “last chance” to keep me somehow tied to her because I can’t just abandon my things but at the same time it makes me want to cut and run.
I guess I am just wondering if she actually has a logical reasoning to not be moving all of my things or if it is really better off to just move everything out in one move.
Post # 2
Does she have reservations about your upcoming marriage?
Post # 3
Your mom sounds like she’s having a hard time letting go and now she’s trying to give you reason’s not to take all your stuff with you. Does she not believe in you marrying your FI? Youdidn’t say anything about that so I’d assume she’s suportive of your marriage.
If you really want to take everything with you, then do so and ignore her comments. Also don’t stress yourself by boxing and moving every single thing you own 3 weeks before your wedding. Your stuff isn’t going anywhere.
Post # 4
MsW-to-MrsM: She doesn’t have any strong objections but I have noticed she does have her moments where she wants me to just wait a bit longer so I can stay her little girl. I’m sensing that a lot of this (both wedding and moving) is just because I am the eldest child and she isn’t ready to let go yet.
Post # 5
MsJ2theZ: She of course is like any mother who doesn’t want to let go of her eldest daughter, I feel she is just throwing things like how we won’t last out there without thinking that it is truly a worst case scenario in her head.
This isn’t even 3 weeks before the wedding, our current situation just requires us to move into a different apartment and there is still a few months before the wedding. I am of course trying to ignore her but my mother isn’t one of those people who can be easily blocked out. I do have a number of my school related things that are coming up only a week before I move so I am rushing to get it packed now to avoid the stress of packing during that stressful week.
Post # 6
Forgot to mention that it makes perfect sense to take all of your things. You don’t live with them anymore.
Post # 7
ElayneRunner: Your mum is just having a bit of a freak out, realising that your room will be empty and you really will be truly gone. Until now I’m sure it was easier to imagine that you were just away and could easily come back at any moment, now you will be 100% not living under her roof and will have a home of your own.
Just ignore her and give her the time to calm down. Make sure you write it all down to tease her in good humour later 😛
Post # 8
She’s having empty nest syndrome. As long as your stuff was there, the idea of you growing up and leaving the nest wasn’t real to her. She could stick with the thought that you were just out playing house, and you were still going to come back home. Between the upcoming wedding and the move, she’s overwhelmed. Just smile and tell her everything will be fine. She’ll get through it, and in a year, you’ll be able to laugh about it with her.
Post # 9
My mother and your mother are not much different. I remember the first time I was putting clothes in a bag to keep at FI’s for when I spent the night she practically had to restrain herself from ripping the bag out of my hands!
Mothers are just like this, you are her baby girl and you are finally actually leaving her nest! I can only imagine how frustrating it much be though while you are packing and she is nagging for you to not pack your things.
I feel though that you should have a conversation and draw a line. Even though it is hurting her to see you moving out officially she shouldn’t be saying things like you won’t be living with him too long and will come crawling back. You could always try and give her the “I told you so” rights if you do end up moving back in.
Just laugh it off when she starts but still be clear that you want your stuff with you in YOUR home. I can only imagine the disaster that would occur years from now when you come back to get your stuff after buying a house or something.
Post # 10
ElayneRunner: OH sorry I skimmed and when you said 3 weeks until you move I read 3 weeks until the wedding.