(Closed) Am I taking this the wrong way or is my photographer being a jerk? (LONG!!)

posted 5 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you might be hearing the stress talking. It sounds like your photographer is encouraging you to trust him so you can relax and enjoy your day. He also might be providing a helpful resource for you, because you seem so detail oriented. He might be thinking, “She’s so stresed! Here’s a helpful checklist I can send her to she can see she’s done all she can and relax!” My guess would be that he sends every client that article, and that he didn’t find it specifically for you in particular. 

Post # 4
7234 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@RinaRoo:  I know you’re really stressed right now and I know I would want to make sure everything I worked hard on got photographed, however the email you sent him did come across a little micro-manage-y. If he is a wedding photographer by trade, he would know to get pictures of all the details and would know when a good ‘photo op’ was. Yes, his response was passive-agressive, but I don’t think it was terribly rude or something to remark on. You’re sensitive to being viewed as a “bridezilla” so you are probably taking it harder than it was meant. Shrug it off. He’s probably dealt with some REAL ‘zillas before, and is worried you’re headed down that path. I wouldn’t talk about it with him as you want to keep good relations so close to the wedding. 

Post # 5
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m on the fence if it’s passive aggressive or a nicer way to approach it rather then telling you straight up to back the F off.  I’m not sayiing what he did is right or wrong, I’m just saying I get where he is coming from.

I do think your e-mail about telling him what to take pictures of was pretty micro-managing and I’d be peeved to get that too if I was a professional.  I never gave my photographer a list of must-haves or anything and trusted (from her portfolios and our meetings) that she knew what to take pictures of (I think it’s common knowledge, especially if you’re hiring a photographer with a journalistic style, that taking pictures of the little details is important.  My photographer never asked me for certain things like my jewelry or rings or anything, but somehow someone got all the little things for her to take pictures of.  That’s what a good photographer does.  After the wedding I was like did she get a picture of me putting on my garter? or of x/y/z? And I wasn’t sure, but now seeing my pictures she caputred everything (and without me knowing) – perfect combo, gets it done and is not intrusive while doing it.

I know it’s too late now but I just kind of think that part of the decision when hiring a vendor is that you trust them to do the work. If you trusted them, there’d be no need to micromanage.

At the end of the day, your entire schedule will likely go right out the window in the chaos of the day.  So, just relax and take everything as it comes that day!  

Post # 6
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@RinaRoo:  That’s extremely passive aggressive and rude. I dont think you were being demanding or bossing him around at all. I’d be worried if that’s who i had on my wedding day. It’s their job to ask you what you’d like, and try their best to accommodate. Obviously people shouldnt be rude to them but you werent being rude.

Post # 7
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think it was extremely unprofessional for him to link that article. He should have just let it go with the short response.

Post # 8
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I dont think you were micromanaging, my photogrpaher ASKED me to send a document of which poses/photos i wanted to make sure were taken.

Post # 9
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is a tough one because I can see why both of you feel the way you feel.  Your tone and directions in your email are a bit pushy and unnecessary, in my opinion.  If you hired your photographer because you enjoy his work and he is a professional, then he will read the must have list you so carefully worked on and he will definitely remember to photograph all the details you mentioned in your email.  However, because he is being paid… by you… I think it was out of line for him to reprimand you the way he did.  Maybe instead of making you feel bad (obviously you’re nervous and your wedding is very soon!), he could have gently reassured you that you don’t need to be so “on top of things” because that is what you hired him for.  It wasn’t very kind of him to make you feel that way.

Post # 10
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

drop it and move on. relax and breathe and trust him. i think he sent the link to let you know that they intend to capture everything you requested and more. instead of telling you all of this in an email he figured he would just send you the link. your not being bridezilla-y you are being a normal bride days before her wedding. and he’s not being a jerk — he’s just letting you know know he’s got it under control.  dont be upset, ok ? enjoy the last few days you have left before the wedding!! i’m sure it will be beautiful 🙂

Post # 12
2685 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that’s a rather backhanded response.  I would be angry too if my photographer sent that.


Based on your email, I do agree that perhaps he thinks you’re trying to micromanage him.  If he’s a wedding photographer, he does not need to be told to photograph the decor because he’s probably done it for every other wedding gig.  That being said, it is not unreasonable for you to tell him to photograph these things.  You’re paying him for pictures and you are communicating your needs to him; this is completely understandable and expected from customers, even if he already has the information you’re providing.  I work in customer service and I’m told redundant things all the time.  I just brush them off, do my job, and send the customer on their way, which is what this photographer should have done too.


Post # 13
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@RinaRoo:  I think you were being a bit too micro managing by telling him you scheduled “photo op” times. He’s going to be taking photos the whole time you hired him, not just during the times you delegated in your time line.


Yes he could have been a lot politer about telling you that, but I think you should let it go, you may have just been the straw that broke the camels back today.


Relax and just ignore it, the day of you’re not going to be looking at him hating this article, you’re going to be focused on having a great time.

Post # 14
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@RinaRoo:  So I kind of agree with @MrsWBS on her response. My guess is the link was his way of telling you that he will get everything. They ARE professionals for a reason, and know that brides will want detail shots, posed shots, abstract ones, candids, etc. He was likely just trying to calm you down without saying “yo lady, you need to CHILL.” 

The rest of his response was very kind, and I think you’re just very exciteable at the moment. My advice would be to let this go, and drop any anger towards him. You’ll want to be totally comfortable and happy on your wedding day. 

Post # 15
9423 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah I think your email was a little micro-managing.  As a professional…I would hope he knows that he has to take pictures of the cake!!  I wouldn’t think you would need to remind him of that.

But for him, he should have just left off the link. Unless there is a chance he sent it to give you a laugh and help you calm down?

Either way I’d let it go.

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