ChantelleC90: I find those “oh, you’ll change your mind when you’re older comment so curious because I find myself experiencing the exact oppositie phenomenon. When I was younger (high school/college age) I was always SURE I wanted kids. In fact, at 25 when I started dating my (now) husband (and to all men I dated during the years before then) I made it very clear very early on (third date or so) I wanted to be a mother someday and staying home with the kids was extremely important to me, so if that was something he didn’t agree with or didn’t feel he would be able to support that then we were probably not a good match. No harm done.
However, 5 years later, I find that the more and more I grow into myself and my life and discover who I really am and what I really want out of life, the less I want to jostle it up by adding kids to the mix. The happier I become the less I feel the need to introduce such a large change (or everlasting and ongoing set of changes that will never cease to keep coming in one form or another, I should say). As my life feels more full and more ripe with…. possibility? for lack of better words, having kids becomes more and more distant.
I still kind of HOPE that there comes a time where we both feel a child is the next step, but for the first time I feel it may not be and I am ok with it.
I do agree that many (not ALL) who are super aggressive with their crusade to convince anyone and everyone that they MUST have a child is often also the type completely obsessed with their own children, as a PP said. I have watched women with vibrant personalities all but disappear and leave behind a mom-shaped shell of their former selves. I am all for putting your children first and doing everything in one’s power to give them the best life possible — but so many take it way too far and make their kids literally their entire world.
These people simply cannot accept that anyone else could be happy and ok without a kid. To each her own, but as a child of one such ‘obsessed’ mother, let me be the first to say these people may not be doing their children nearly the favor they have convinced themselves they are doing.
I think others have just had such a good experience with motherhood that they don’t want you to “miss out,” and mean well.
However, the bottom line is that having children or not is incredibly personal and it blows my mind that it’s even socially acceptable for people to comment on your response in such a way. In my opinion, people shouldn’t even ask unless the other person brought it up herself. I usually just say “I am focused on other things at the moment” since no one can really argue with such a benign response.
There is no right or wrong choice here and you should not be made to feel like there is ANYthing wrong with yours. I don’t even consider it selfish. You are in NO WAY obligated to reproduce and it’s ridiculous to suggest living your life the way you choose is immature.