Weddingbee boards

I think it is very kind of you to do that and if I get to have my wedding that will be part of my budget also.  I know that traditionally it is the bm responsibility for dress and shoes, but yes these days what it costs is rediculous.  Bridesmaid dresses are getting out of control.  I am going to look more at finding things in stores that match and area lot more affordable for my girls:)   you truly are a very generous and kind hearted person:)

I agree. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding where the chosen BM dresses were $750 a pop (watercolor hand painted silk....what?). I just didn't have that kind of money and, you have no idea how uncomfortable it is to tell your friend that you can't be in her wedding because the dress she (read: her overbearing mother) wants you to buy can almost pay your rent for 2 months.

I am paying for their hair, jewelry and hotel room for one night. I have eight bridesmaids I could have never bought all of their dresses. It would have been over $1,000. I searched high and low for cheaper options for them, told them they could pick out their own dresses and they all picked the same $200 dress.

It doesn't look bridesmaidy its a POB so I do think they'll have a chance to wear it again. I'd love to have been able to buy their dresses but it just isn't realistic. I recently spent close to $1,500 to be in one of my BM's wedding, it was tough I planned and scrimped. It was a good lesson to me as to what is reasonable and what is not.

 My number one request for my MOH for my shower etc. was it didn't cost anyone too much. If money wasn't an option I'd love to pay for everything. I just can't. I'm going to be spending over $1,000 on their gifts without dresses and I've been saving every penny I have to be able to do that.

And a part of me feels like it is a bit of a rite of passage. You do it for me, I do it for you.

I also want to add my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding FI and I are contributing $5,000. My mom doesn't feel like she should be paying for those things and thinks I shouldn't even be paying for their hair.

There's no way as a bridesmaid that I would expect the bride to pay for my clothes. If you have something outlandish you want them to wear it's certainly nice to do, but I think the vast majority of people expect to pay when they agree to stand up for you.

I gave my BMs paint chips in the colors they could choose from and told them to get any dresses they wanted and wear light colored shoes that they either buy or already own. Two out of three have bought their dresses: one chose something that was under $30 and the other chose something that was $300. I got them necklaces and will also get some sort of matching hair accessory to tie them together and pay for their hair. We will do our own/each other's makeup.

As much as I would love to pay for everything for my BMs, I know I can't afford it.  So I made it clear up front, all they need to do is pay for a dress, get some shoes, and show up.  This would require 2 to fly across an ocean and 1 halfway across the country to do, so I said that is all they have to do:  no gift, no shower, they can do their own hair and makeup.  I want them to be there, and that's all that matters.  They all said yes.

To also help ease the burden, I'm going to make their jewelry, a fascinator, and get them a pashmina if it's super cold.  I'm also trying to get the dress at the least expensive place possible (definitely not in England).

I think what you're doing is admirable, I wish I could do the same!

I think it's courtesy to help pay or offset your girls' cost as much as possible, but I don't think it's in poor taste to ask your BMs to pay for part of the expenses.

I put $75 toward each girl's dress, paid for their hotel rooms, and purchased shawls for them along with generous gifts for each of them as a thank you. They didn't have to plan either bridal shower or bachelorette party for me or put any money toward them.

They are paying for $40 toward their dresses and they are allowed to wear whatever they want for shoes and accessories. I also believe the dresses are easily wearable again. I'm not getting my hair or makeup professionally done, but if they want to, they are paying for it - I've been told one is getting her hair done and one is going to do it herself.

So, grand total is about $20 in gas money, $40 for the dress, $30 for the hairstyle (for the BM getting her hair done) and potentially some money if they decide they want new shoes for the event. $90 to be in my wedding and I've told them not to get us a gift. Our wedding budget is $6,500 and I'm paying for it myself. I don't think any of the girls will complain. They'd spend the same amount if they were just a guest at my wedding, maybe even less. :)

THis is sticky for sure. I looked FOREVER for bm dresses in the right color and fabric (my dress is cotton eyelet so I really didn't want them in something shiny or full length). The problem was, we got engaged right at the beginning of fall when all the summer sales were ending, so I missed a few dream dresses (for $70 each) several times because of size/ not getting answers from girls whether they would be in or out.

We ended up going with a POB dress in yellow, which granted, they may not wear again. However, we are paying for them to stay at the ranch we're getting married which is quite pricey (close to $300 a night PER PERSON). as well as all their food. So we're trying as best we can. I'm going to ask that the bachelorette and bridal shower isn't too much of a burden, but that we can still have some fun. 

While I agree that it would be nice to be able to pay for everything of theirs, I expect to pay the same amount for all of their weddings, so it all works out in the end. 

I told all of my bridesmaids to pick a yellow dress and then I sent them each a check for $75 bucks.  $75 bucks may not seem like much, but at least it's a start.  My MOH is the only one who is completely done with her outfit - she only ended up contributing $10.32.  I think that's pretty good.

I really don't agree with the idea of spending $1,000 or so just to be in a wedding.  It's absolutely ridiculous, especially in this economy. 

If it's in the budget I will. I wish FI's friends would help us out a bit. It's going to cost him at least 850 to be in this wedding. If I go with him across the country it will cost upwards of 1200. This isn't including meals everyday or a gift for the couple.

I agree with the OP.  I think it's in poor taste to ask the bridal party to spend over and above what any other guest will spend. So while I don't think it's the bride & groom's responsibility to pay for hotel rooms, rental cars, and things like that, I do think it's their responsibility to pay for attire IF they dictate what attire the bridal party will be wearing. If I'd chosen a paticular dress for my girls to wear, or even a particular style and/or color, I'd be paying for it. Full stop.  However, I don't want a traditional bridal party, so I'm having more of a "house party" and each person can wear whatever they please. If they choose to buy a new dress, fine -- but I'm not requiring them to do anything of the sort. And if they want to wear something they already have, so much the better. Same for the guys. All the girls will probably have our hair done, for which I will pay.

And no, I don't have a ton of money...but I budgeted my bridal party expenses into the overall cost of the wedding just like cake or chair rentals. It just seems like the right thing to do, even if it's not American "tradition."

Before I started into wedding planning, I thought as the bride, I would cover the BM dresses...until my MOH said no the BMs PAY for that! It was hard to believe at first, but considering we're paying for our wedding, it's going to be helpful. I've tried to find more affordable dresses for my BM but they love what they love and a couple have mentioned they can definitely wear it again. They are fine spending money on it. My MOH might be the only one close to spending $500 (for a dress and plane ticket) but I am covering her hotel for all 3 nights and whatever else I can! 

I think the bride and groom should at least help, even if just a little bit!

I don't think it's my responsibility.  They can say no, they don't have to be a bridesmaid.  I have never heard of not paying for your own dress- I did it for my MOH, I'll do it for my other BM.

I only have two attendants (my sisters) and I'm making their jewelry, embellishing their shoes, and buying them nicer than average BM gifts (haven't thought of it yet though)  I just don't make enough money to cover everything that I want, though if I did I would buy everything for them in a heartbeat.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot to mention that they can pick out any style that they want as long as they match in color and style.  So that gives them the option to pick out something less expensive.