Post # 1
Maybe this is my very old fashioned thinking (or very european), but am I the only one that believes that if you ask people to be in your wedding party, you shouldn’t be the cause of a financial burden to them? I figure that you’re asking them to support you, so you should at least reciprocate wherever you can. It seems as though being IN a wedding costs upwards of $500 nowadays with the dress and presents and shoes, etc. I made it a distinct point to cover my girls’ dresses, their hair, their makeup, and their jewelry, knowing full well that they would throw me a bachelorette party, a shower, and buy my FI and I a wedding gift. Did I mention we’re paying for our own wedding too? Even if my parents were paying for my wedding, I’d see this as an opportunity to be extra generous with them
Is anyone else taking care of their bridesmaids to this financial extent? I guess I was under the impression (as was my mom) that the bride should be responsible for her girls. She can’t believe I have to buy these really expensive BM dresses (we’re talking half the cost of my wedding gown) to be in someone elses’ wedding, but I told her that’s just how it is nowadasys, isn’t it? I feel really bad asking someone to be in my wedding and expecting them to spend that kind of money on me. It’s so…MUCH. Isn’t $500 a lot of money anymore? It’s like "hey, come stand up here with me, I’ll buy you a present, but please spend $500+ to be in my wedding". I know lots of you probably aren’t paying for a lot of your girls’ stuff and will probably give me flack saying that YOU can’t afford that, but hey, I don’t really have spare thousands laying around either. But i budgeted this into my wedding and decided that I didn’t need X things in my wedding to be so lavish like a super fancy cake or fountains or the filet mignon. It was more important to cover my maids.
I have serious sticker shock from all the weddings i’m in this year and next year. I would have felt really guilty asking my girls (who have good jobs, don’t think it’s that they’re all dirt poor) to pony up that kind of dough to be there with me.
Opinions? I don’t mean to offend anyone who isn’t paying for all their own bridesmaids stuff, and I know a BM has the right to say no to being in a wedding. Man I feel so old fashioned
Post # 3
We’re trying to cover as much as we can for our wedding party… I guess on one hand we’ve been in both our MOH & Best Man’s parties where they paid for very little, if anything so we don’t feel so bad asking them to return the favor. But everyone else in the party are siblings and we’re trying to do as much as we can for everyone. It’s tough though – and we’re definitely skipping the cheesy thank-you gift and putting that towards their cost of being in our wedding.
Good for you though, for taking care of your girls – I’m sure they’ll really appreciate it!
Post # 4
I don’t think it is the bride and grooms responsibility to pay for all the stuff but I do feel you should not cause your bridesmaids to break the bank. For my wedding, I looked long and hard for a reasonably priced dress for the girls and also kept checking back with them on their finanacial comfort level. I even purchased them all and asked the girls to pay me back when they could/felt comfortable. I know that putting out money all at once can be hard if you didn’t plan on it. Our wedding is also going to be at the beach and spread out over 4 days… kind of a wedding and vacation so my fiance and I are paying for their hotel rooms and also helping with transportation cost to get to the wedding. We also have purchased them some very nice bridesmaids gifts. I also don’t think you should have to break your own bank to provide and pay for every expense of your bridesmaids.
Post # 5
I think it is very kind of you to do that and if I get to have my wedding that will be part of my budget also. I know that traditionally it is the bm responsibility for dress and shoes, but yes these days what it costs is rediculous. Bridesmaid dresses are getting out of control. I am going to look more at finding things in stores that match and area lot more affordable for my girls:) you truly are a very generous and kind hearted person:)
Post # 6
I agree. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding where the chosen BM dresses were $750 a pop (watercolor hand painted silk….what?). I just didn’t have that kind of money and, you have no idea how uncomfortable it is to tell your friend that you can’t be in her wedding because the dress she (read: her overbearing mother) wants you to buy can almost pay your rent for 2 months.
Post # 7
It might be a cultural thing but my mother and I both felt very strongly that the bridesmaids should NOT be paying to be in our wedding. It was something I automatically assumed I would be paying for, including their hair and makeup if they wanted it done. It was only further down the track I realised that in American weddings the bridesmaids typically pay for everything.
I feel that it is a great honour that my friends are willing to stand up with me on the day and irrespective of how much they earn/how expensive the dress is etc., I think that anything I would like them to wear/have is my responsibility, not theirs. Yes, this day is about me and my fiance/husband, but I don’t want to take that as an excuse to be selfish in ways I normally wouldn’t!
Post # 8
I’m buying their jewelry (nice real necklaces) and earrings and a pashmina type shawl. They’re going to wear the little black dress, which works for EVERYBODY and they can reuse over and over. They can pick their own black heels (most likely they already own them too).
Post # 9
The financial burden was a major factor when I decided on my bridesmaid’s attire. That, and the fact that they are all so unique (and stylish!). Ultimately, I asked them to pick out their own dresses in dark brown. That way, they can find a look that is most flattering to them, pay whatever they are comfortable spending, and (hopefully) will wear it again. Two of the four were actually in brown weddings within the last 18 months and they are rewearing their BM dresses. I know this won’t work for everyone, but it has been a huge relief for me. I will be paying for their hair, so I feel like everyone wins.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
@ejs4y8 – I agree with you. One of the many factors that kept me from wanting a big wedding was the financial burden to everyone involved. I’d feel responsible to buy the wedding party’s clothes and to pay for everything that was "required" to be a part of the wedding. I’d hate to make them suddenly drop $200+ on a dress.
That said, I think I might feel differently if I’d been in these people’s weddings already. For example, if my bridesmaids were already married and I’d paid my way as a ‘maid for them, I wouldn’t feel so bad having them pay their own way. (An eye for an eye, I guess? haha.)
Post # 11
I’m buying them shawls or pashminas or something, but they’re paying for their own dresses, if they buy one. I told them they can wear anything they want as long as it was the same color. They picked black. I have a $14 black dress sitting in my closet right now. I highly doubt I’ll get the same coutesey when I’m their bridesmaid.
Post # 12
I agree with EJS4Y8.
Having been in several weddings before, and paying hundreds of dollars on the usual things you need to in order to be a bridesmaids, I realized that I didn’t want to put that financial burden on my girls, two of whom are flying in from out of state.
I did my best to look for lower cost dresses – ours came out to $100 a piece. I am paying for hair and makeup as well as buying them some nice gifts. They can wear any gold/nude shoe of their choice (who doesn’t have a gold shoe nowadays, eh?)
They are throwing me a bridal shower/bachelorette party and probably a gift for the wedding.
I think it is important to keep in mind that our wedding is our wedding, not theirs. That being said, we all know how expensive weddings are nowadays and there is a certain amount of costs expected when you agree to stand up in a wedding. It’s all about mutual understanding and compromise. We as brides should be careful that what we want for our wedding doesn’t cause too much burden for our loved ones/friends. 🙂
Post # 13
I don’t believe it is the bride and groom’s responsibility to pay for everything.
As a bride & groom paying for our own wedding, it would just be impossible to add that to our list of things. Instead I think being a reasonable person and explaining to your BMs before hand what you expect may be a very important thing.
Ex. I chose a BM dress that was $189 and for 2 days made phone calls negotiating a better price. They are stunning and I am getting them for $119. They only had to put $60 deposit and then another $60 3 months later. (i don’t think that is too much to ask)
As far as hair and make up… I asked my girls over a year in advance to be part of my wedding. I don’t think it is to hard to put a couple $ aside a month for expenses they may have for my wedding. Having said that, I do intend to give them gift certificates towards their hair but I will not be covering all costs. It is just to much.
I would not be hurt if anyone needed to step down for financial reasons but if I see them go out every weekend and spend $200 at bars and clubs.. then I will have a problem. Its personal preference. They said "yes" and just need to know what comes along with that.
Post # 14
I guess I should have included a disclosure about dresses you can totally wear again. I have some interesting, er, taffeta get ups that I know will only get worn once. I was referring to stuff like that. Haha, and I’m with you on the "eye for an eye" that’s funny. Some of these weddings I’m in, these girls are my wedding. My mom automatically went, "wait, if you’re buying her dress, why doesn’t she buy your dress?" Which…of course is not the way it works out.
Maybe it is a heavy cultural thing. My mom’s side of the family is Korean, so maybe that’s just what we have instilled in us? And this insane guilt of having my buddies pony up their months’ rent so they look just how i want them to look. I love seeing so many brides out there who are so considerate of their friends though. Even if you aren’t covering everything, I think every little bit that you can afford counts. Part of me wishes I still had that beautiful large cake, but then I feel like, "Hmmm, cake or my friends?". I have a weird way of prioritizing things, don’t i?
And a $750 dress?!?!? OMG! That’s insane!!!! Wow! I think that’s a legit back out reason, although I’m sure the guilt was awful!
And I’d think it would suck, too if your friends were spending all their money clubbing and then complaining about the cost of the wedding! Our dresses were just about that much, too…and yes it’s a few bucks every month but it all adds up, and suddenly i’m like "whoa!" at all the money i spent…multiplied by ALL the weddings I’m in.
Post # 16
I think it is on the traditional side for the couple to pay for their bridal parties expenses. It would be different if everyone did this, and not paying would be the exception, but every wedding I have been in I have paid a good amount of money for it and was fine with it. I do care how much they are going to spend on my wedding and being considerate of that I helped pay for their hair which is about 90 each. And yes that is only a small fraction of what they will be paying, but every bit helps, but no I wouldn’t pay everything for them. And I am also giving some money to the girls that are throwing me my shower to help pay for it and we pay our own way during all the bachelorette party expenses.