Post # 1
I feel really depressed about this. I know some women have trouble orgasming during intercourse but I can’t even get MYSELF off, even with the aid of a vibrator. I feel like a failure because I really want to experience this intense pleasure and I just can’t. The most that happens is it builds up and starts to feel really good but then I don’t get over the edge and the feeling just stops, leaving me really frustrated.
My boyfriend is worried it’s a problem with him but since I can’t even get myself off, clearly it’s just a problem with me.
I feel like the only person with this problem. Is it possible to just be physically incapable of orgasming? That’s a really depressing thought. I don’t know what to do at this point.
I am in my early 20s — I don’t know if age is relevant or not.
Post # 3
First, and most importantly you need to know you are not alone.
Statistically this happens to more women than we realize (it isn’t a much talked about topic)
Some women just can’t get there… it being BOTH a mental & physical block (good sex happens mostly in your brain)
I would suggest that you talk to a Sex Therapist… they can help you get unblocked “mentally” and give you advice on the physical stuff.
As they say… practice makes perfect… you will probably get there eventually be that with the info you need to get past “the block” or over time as your body / values change on their own as you age.
But seriously… who wants to wait until their 40s ??
Seek out a Therapist, and it will probably happen sooner.
Hope this helps,
(( HUGS ))
Post # 4
@bluefire: Early 20’s also and I have the same problem. It is definitely super frustrating. Even more annoying is the tips my friends try to give me as if I haven’t tried it all before! I’ve kind of gotten over it and just feel like it will happen when it happens and I’d be alright if it never happened at all. I still love sex and my vibrator, but sometimes it gets depressing. 🙁 I wish I had some helpful suggestions, but at least we aren’t alone!
Post # 5
Early 20’s also and in the same boat! I’ve heard that some women don’t fully mature sexually until mid or late twenties, so I’m not panicking yet. I really enjoy sex anyways and don’t get frustrated or anything, but my FI gets down about it sometimes. I just remind him I can’t do it either! He’s bought some expensive toys and stuff for us to use and does nights where it’s “all about me” but honestly, I feel like the pressure makes it even worse and I get so nervous! I feel “closer” when we are just having awesome sex and not focusing too much on it.
Post # 6
I haven’t orgasmed until age 26. I can orgasm myself when stimulating the clitoris, but I actually didn’t know most women can’t orgasm through penetration alone. Just like you, I was there waiting for the magic to happen, sometimes I felt it was building up (G spot) but I never reached the point where I orgasm. My previous partner, we were both each other’s first. And my ex was constantly asking me after we had sex : did you orgasm ? Over time, it became like a pressure to me, like I HAD to, and each time was another failure. It’s really not a good way to go : a man shouldn’t ask like that, he knows when a woman orgasms, because he can feel it when it happens. We were both unexperienced and didn’t know better.
FI taught me about it. He didn’t put pressure on me, he was very patient and gentle. It took a few weeks because I needed to let trust and confidence build in our sex life as we just started dating, but then I had my first orgasm with him and it was fantastic. I even cried after it happened, because I was so relieved to see there wasn’t anything wrong with me ; I simply didn’t know myself enough and wasn’t confident enough in bed.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
Have any of your thought of seeing a doctor? It could be due to something like lack of bloodflow etc. It might be an easy fix. I think they can prescribe viagra (dilates blood vessels) and it helps women as well as men. It might be worth checking out.
Post # 8
Hmm, probably tmi, but when I was first learning how to pleasure myself, it took a lot of trial and error to find out what worked. Luckily, I was interested at a verrry young age, so by the time I figured it out, I was ahead of the curve. 😛
For all you ladies having trouble-try the water method. If you have a tub, just prop your feet up, lay under it, use your hand to guide the water, and let the magic happen. I wouldn’t recommend the detachanle shower head route unless you don’t have a bath.
Some women do have a nearly impossible time achieving the big O, but I would try this before resigning yourself to that fate
Post # 10
i had this problem as well but the. I got pregnant with my daughter and decided that I couldn’t have a baby having never had an orgasm. I went and bought a lelo vibrator (they’re super awesome) with a clitoris stimulator and set aside a night to make myself orgasm. I wanna say it took me a couple of hours and it was pretty frustrating but I just kept at it and persevered. What helped me was having the clit stimulator on high and literally I just held it on my clit forever. It eventually worked and that’s still the only way I can orgasm.
Post # 11
@Ninteenthchance: I have a very high powered vibrator, just doesn’t get me “all the way” ………. I do want to add that my FI thinks what I describe as my “peak” is an orgasm, but it just doesn’t feel that way to me. I get the muscle contractions and my legs shake etc. the feeling is really good, but it is not this mind blowing experience every one else seems to have.
Post # 12
I didn’t from when I became sexually active until 6 YEARS later! It’s totally common. Keep working on it. It will happen when it happens!
Post # 13
There are definitely women who don’t have their first orgasm until later in life. Seems to be a combinnation of maturing sexually, knowing what they like, not feeling self concious like they were when younger, etc. I would continue experimenting with your partner and by yourself until you find what works for you.
I agree with the @AnotherMrsBrown: about seeing a doctor for any underlying medical issues.
Also seeing a therapist (a sex positive one, check out http://www.aasect.org/ for ones in your area).
The majority of women do not cum from penetration and only clitoral orgasms.
Is your SO your first/only sexual partner? Does he have more sexual experience than you?
Post # 14
For years I thought I was having orgasmms, but I wasn’t. When I finally had one, I was like “Oh, huh, so that’s an orgasm.” I still have a lot of trouble getting there. Which can be super frustrating. My detachable shower head is my best bet (under the faucet also works) so my guy and I do sex in the shower fairly regularly (he’s behind so the water can get to my clit). I’m also a big fan of oral. It takes a while (like a long while) but I usually get there. Of note, I almost always get close but then fall off at least once or twice before I get to an orgasm. So, for me, sometimes it’s a matter of just spending enough time. Also, it helps me to “prep” by trying to read sexy stuff/watch porn/think abotu sexy stuff prior to get my brain in the right place. You’ve probably heard all this before, so i don’t know that’s I’m being helpful, but you are definitely not alone!
Post # 15
@almostwebbee: that sounds like an orgasm. Maybe it is not as strong as you thought it would be? I find that intentionally trying to delay it makes it more intense
Post # 16
@bluefire: I can relate. I was sexually active in my late teens but didn’t experience an O until my early 20s. I always wondered what it felt like and when it finally happened I thought to myself “ohhhhhh so this is what it’s like!” Obviously great feeling BUT everyone is different. Try switching up positions, set the mood, dirty talk, stimulate the area etc. Don’t freak out … it’ll happen!