Weddingbee boards

I don't know why, but  it has ALWAYS bothered me, I always figure i take my DH last name not his first. I am my own person with my own name, Please use it! (short vent) lol Everyone has there pet peeves and that is one of mine

@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: understandable, but 1/2 my partner, let him take 1/2 my name lol

I haven't been addressed in this way -- but stuff like this doesn't usually bother me.  I did think this post was originally going to be a rant about the movie though haha-- I was wondering why you were bringing it up so many years later.

@MyFavouriteChords:  hahah that made me laugh:)

@SimplyChic11: being announced at the reception?

I get annoyed about it when I receive mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.  I took his last name.  I didn't lose ALL of my name.  These things mostly come from older relatives, but it still annoys the sh** out of me.

I don't like it either.  I find it offensive, unless it's from someone elderly. 

I addressed our invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith, where appropriate.  

We asked the DJ to announce us with both our first names and DH's last name, no titles.  He threw in the Mr. & Mrs. anyway (we're technically Dr. and Dr., but don't use those socially, which is why we asked for no titles) but he used both first names, so that was fine.

I also have to add that etiquette should not take precedence over knowingly offending people.

Etiquette rules didn't just come out of nowhere.  People didn't address women as "Mrs. John Smith" because some book said so.  The etiquette books were written to say that because, at the time, that was considered the respectful form of address for married women.  The whole point of etiquette is to not offend or disrespect people.  Since nowadays many women find this form of address to be offensive (see the numerous discussions and polls all over weddingbee), the rules need to change to reflect this.  Addressing someone in a way that you know for a fact is offensive to them, is not good etiquette.  

So, if you know your cousin Jane is going to be upset and offended if she receives an invitation addressed to Mrs. John Smith when she is really Ms. Jane Doe-Smith, don't address it that way.  Your cousin's feelings are more important than the opinion of some book written 100 years ago.  And if your great-aunt Mary would be offended to NOT be addressed as Mrs. Edward Johnson, than make sure that's how you address her.  If you don't know for sure, err on the side of majority opinion for that generation or for the region you live in. 

Besides, if you're going to argue that you want to follow strict etiquette rules no matter what, you should be sending hand-written and hand-addressed (by you, not someone you paid) invitations with no RSVP cards (because strict etiquette would say it's rude to assume your guests don't have stationary or don't know how to write a response letter).

@laurelina:

Yeah, figuring that out is hard.  I prefer the more neutral Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Jane Smith or Mr. Joe and Mrs. Jane Smith when they have the same last name and you want to use titles.  I don't know if anyone would find that offensive.  At worst, they'd consider it not properly formal, but I'm willing to live with that opinion of me.  We addressed to elderly relatives as Mrs. John Smith because we know for sure that's what they want and used both first names for everyone else that had the same last name.  We also went ahead and used Dr. and military titles for anyone on our list who had them (a third of the guest list at least, so I couldn't ask individually), even though I know a lot of them don't use their Dr. titles socially.  Again, I figured at worst those people would consider it overly formal or pretentious of me, but not offensive, whereas leaving the titles off might be offensive to some (I know two people would have been upset).  I gave up on the Ms./Miss thing and used Ms for everyone except one girl I know prefers Miss.  I just couldn't ask everyone individually, so I had to pick the one that was less likely to be upsetting in our social group.

I'm not sure that I hate it so much. The only time that I ever really see it used anymore is in formal settings where I kind of like and prefer the formality of it. I'm not saying that it should be used all of the time, but this is an instance where the ultra-feminist stance is completely lost on me.