Post # 1
I never had a problem making friends in high school, college, or even in my first job out of college, but I have officially hit a “sucks at making friends” phase and it’s driving me crazy. For a bit of a background story, I moved last year to where I live now, and have been dedicated to making new friends since I slacked off a bit in the last city I lived. I joined Meetup, networked with other people, joined my alumni association, I’ve done it all. I always have good conversations with people and definitely made a few casual friends, but no one I can really call up out of the blue and just invite over for a movie night. For someone used to having a core group of friends, this is really frustrating for me.
I cut off three best friend relationships last year from childhood that became extremely toxic, but I do miss the kind of connection we used to have. I love my husband and he’s definitely one of my best friends, but I miss having girls to relate to.
So, basically, I just wanted to vent about how frustrated I was and see if anyone was in a similar situation.
Post # 3
I’ve been working at my job (in a new town/county/etc) since Feb. 2011. I have acquaintances, but no one ever hangs out with me or speaks to me outside of work. It kind of depresses me at times, but then I think about all the drama they’re involved in. I think people also look at me as being in a “serious” relationship/getting ready to be married so it turns them off. Most of them are single.
Post # 4
I could have written this myself! Except, I have ALWAYS had a hard time making friends and when I do they are always toxic.
I feel like the older I get the more of a loner I become. It’s sad and I get depressed about it sometimes, but I guess I would rather have no friends than toxic ones.
Hang in there, you’re not alone!
Post # 5
*Rasies hand* I suck at making friends. Sometimes I think I also suck at keeping them. As a general rule, I am just awful at the whole process.
Post # 6
@sara_tiara: I feel the same about myself.
Post # 7
@Legallyblondiebride: exactly my situation. i know no one in this city, & it sucks.
Post # 8
I’m exactly the same. It’s really hard for me to make new friends. I’d love to just call someone and say ‘hey, come over!’ but this thought inside my head says ‘why would they want to be bff’s with me?’ and it’s a HORRIBLE thought.
i moved 3 years ago and a year ago i met a friend through a meetup kind of thing. it took us a good 6 months to get that ‘friendship ball’ rolling, and we went through so many plan cancellations, but we both tried really hard to stick at it and we’re becoming a LOT closer! it helps that we do zumba class together most weeks so we have an excuse to see each other, and at christmas my SO was introduced to her SO and another couple and we all got on really well. so now we do a lot as a 6, but us girls get together for a drink every now and again.
could i ring her up and ask her come over though? nope – not yet.
i think we all take for granted the friendships we make throughout our childhood years. we’re not afraid then, and those friendships are based on years and years of ‘getting to know you’ which does become harder as you get older.
you’re definitely not alone!
Post # 9
I’ve had such a hard time making friends since after high school. No idea why because I had such great best friends through elementary and middle schools. 🙁
I’m graduating college, been there for three years and have not made one single friend. It’s kind of a crappy situation. I know how you feel! Hang in there!
Post # 10
I now a debate is comeing with this BUT…You are not alone! I am 38 and have living in this city for over 19 years a bff gone toxic after 18 years and a now bff who is not my ONLY friend but only close one I trust. I learned that if you think of friends like me…someone you know has you best interest at heart no matter what and wound never stab you in the back like you won’t do to them then you are not going to have a LOT of female friends or make them either. Confidence and reliable come hand in hand and most do NOT have the confidences or security in themselves to be reliable. This I stand by saying for nothing in my life has proven otherwise.
Post # 11
@Rouquine: Thank god I’m not the only one! But sorry you’re in the same boat, lol.
I think it’s a combination of me being lazy, and I also tend to be really bad at letting stuff go….if someone hurts me or offends me I have a REALLY hard time letting it go, and I’m also non-confrontational and won’t tell you what you did to piss me off. It’s an awful combination, and a lot of the friendships I’ve lost over the years have been due to this.
It’s so embarassing as an adult, especially since FI literally has a group of 20 friends he’s known since he was like 4.
Post # 12
I feel the same way! I had a close group of friends during HS and a few years after, but they have all moved away. I keep in contact with a couple of them through FB, and one of them still has family here and visits regularly, so when she comes to town a time or two a year, we get together.
I have always been the nice person at work and get along with almost everyone, but especially since starting my new job 18 months ago, I really don’t hang out with them outside of work. Part of it is that I have never really liked to “go out and drink” (the last time I went to an actual bar was at a friend’s bachelorette party about seven years ago. LOL!), but that’s what most of my work friends like to do.
It is rather depressing…I consider my husband my best friend, and I get along with his friends, but it’s just not the same as GIRLfriends!
Post # 13
@Rouquine: I found the being engaged/married thing pretty off putting to the single girl I meet. I’m definitely not a boring old married woman, and I still love going out sometimes, but I feel I get the instant “boring” label when I mention being married. I jokingly told my husband that I’m going to have to leave my ring at home when I’m trying to pick up friends haha
Post # 14
You’re among friends here!!
Post # 15
I can totally relate. I have always been the person that hangs out with all kinds of groups because I was involved in so many activities in high school and college, but I have lost touch with most because they weren’t really close friends. I have had health problems which makes making friends even more complicated. And I had a falling out with my best friend from high school a few months ago and that was really tough. She has become such a negative, unsupportive person, and her boyfriend is truly what I would call toxic. He is basically the reason I can’t be friends with her anymore. It sucks. So, you’re not the only one!
Post # 16
@Rouquine: yeah, i agree that being in a serious relationship def doesn’t help. when i started working in the job i’m just about to leave (my first one out of college), I think the fact that I was in a relationship kept me from making friends as fast as other people. Everyone else was either single or in a LDR & I felt kind of out of place. OR it could just be that that had nothing to do with it and i just suck at making friends