(Closed) Am I the only one who is not good at making friends?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve been working at my job (in a new town/county/etc) since Feb. 2011.  I have acquaintances, but no one ever hangs out with me or speaks to me outside of work.  It kind of depresses me at times, but then I think about all the drama they’re involved in.  I think people also look at me as being in a “serious” relationship/getting ready to be married so it turns them off.  Most of them are single.

Post # 4
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I could have written this myself! Except, I have ALWAYS had a hard time making friends and when I do they are always toxic.

I feel like the older I get the more of a loner I become. It’s sad and I get depressed about it sometimes, but I guess I would rather have no friends than toxic ones.

Hang in there, you’re not alone!

Post # 5
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

*Rasies hand* I suck at making friends. Sometimes I think I also suck at keeping them. As a general rule, I am just awful at the whole process.

Post # 6
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sara_tiara:  I feel the same about myself.

Post # 8
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

I’m exactly the same. It’s really hard for me to make new friends. I’d love to just call someone and say ‘hey, come over!’ but this thought inside my head says ‘why would they want to be bff’s with me?’ and it’s a HORRIBLE thought.

i moved 3 years ago and a year ago i met a friend through a meetup kind of thing. it took us a good 6 months to get that ‘friendship ball’ rolling, and we went through so many plan cancellations, but we both tried really hard to stick at it and we’re becoming a LOT closer! it helps that we do zumba class together most weeks so we have an excuse to see each other, and at christmas my SO was introduced to her SO and another couple and we all got on really well. so now we do a lot as a 6, but us girls get together for a drink every now and again.

could i ring her up and ask her come over though? nope – not yet.

i think we all take for granted the friendships we make throughout our childhood years. we’re not afraid then, and those friendships are based on years and years of ‘getting to know you’ which does become harder as you get older.

you’re definitely not alone!

Post # 9
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’ve had such a hard time making friends since after high school. No idea why because I had such great best friends through elementary and middle schools. 🙁 

I’m graduating college, been there for three years and have not made one single friend. It’s kind of a crappy situation. I know how you feel! Hang in there! 

Post # 10
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

 I now a debate is comeing with this BUT…You are not alone!  I am 38 and have living in this city for over 19 years a bff gone toxic after 18 years and a now bff who is not my ONLY friend but only close one I trust.  I learned that if you think of friends like me…someone you know has you best interest at heart no matter what and wound never stab you in the back like you won’t do to them then you are not going to have a LOT of female friends or make them either. Confidence and reliable come hand in hand and most do NOT have the confidences or security in themselves to be reliable.  This I stand by saying for nothing in my life has proven otherwise.

Post # 11
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Rouquine: Thank god I’m not the only one! But sorry you’re in the same boat, lol.

 I think it’s a combination of me being lazy, and I also tend to be really bad at letting stuff go….if someone hurts me or offends me I have a REALLY hard time letting it go, and I’m also non-confrontational and won’t tell you what you did to piss me off. It’s an awful combination, and a lot of the friendships I’ve lost over the years have been due to this.

It’s so embarassing as an adult, especially since FI literally has a group of 20 friends he’s known since he was like 4.

Post # 12
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I feel the same way!  I had a close group of friends during HS and a few years after, but they have all moved away.  I keep in contact with a couple of them through FB, and one of them still has family here and visits regularly, so when she comes to town a time or two a year, we get together.

I have always been the nice person at work and get along with almost everyone, but especially since starting my new job 18 months ago, I really don’t hang out with them outside of work.  Part of it is that I have never really liked to “go out and drink” (the last time I went to an actual bar was at a friend’s bachelorette party about seven years ago.  LOL!), but that’s what most of my work friends like to do.

It is rather depressing…I consider my husband my best friend, and I get along with his friends, but it’s just not the same as GIRLfriends! Tongue Out

Post # 14
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re among friends here!!   Smile

Post # 15
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I can totally relate. I have always been the person that hangs out with all kinds of groups because I was involved in so many activities in high school and college, but I have lost touch with most because they weren’t really close friends. I have had health problems which makes making friends even more complicated. And I had a falling out with my best friend from high school a few months ago and that was really tough. She has become such a negative, unsupportive person, and her boyfriend is truly what I would call toxic. He is basically the reason I can’t be friends with her anymore. It sucks. So, you’re not the only one!

Post # 16
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Rouquine:  yeah, i agree that being in a serious relationship def doesn’t help.  when i started working in the job i’m just about to leave (my first one out of college), I think the fact that I was in a relationship kept me from making friends as fast as other people.  Everyone else was either single or in a LDR & I felt kind of out of place.  OR it could just be that that had nothing to do with it and i just suck at making friends

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