Am I too old fashioned?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Who cares what your friends think? My parents paid for most but we put in about $15-20k. We also didn’t live together prior to being married. I already owned a home, though. If you both lived with mommy and were able to save and buy a home then It worked for you. My best friend also never lived with her husband until they were married. Their first night together in their house was their wedding night. I didn’t care but some others made comments. I guess we are thick-skinned because she didn’t care and I wouldn’t either.

Post # 3
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We got married at 21, 22 and our parents paid for all of it. It’s the norm where I’m from, everyone gets married by 24 and the parents always pay it’s just expected. We did buy our own house before the wedding but I was away at school so I only stayed on occasional weekends. Our wedding was 100% unique to us even though they paid, they were just able to invite who they wanted, but the more the merrier to us. 

Post # 4
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t get so caught up in what your friends think. If it worked for you, your husband and your families, that’s really all that matters. Personally, I did live with my husband for 3 years prior to our marriage and we did pay for our wedding oursevles. That worked for us. There’s no one “right” answer for these sorts of things.

Post # 5
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

My husband and I lived together for 8 years before we were married and I would recommend this to people who want to go that route but I really feel like you should do what’s right for you and your FI. We teamed up with our parents to have our wedding, it was split almost evenly 3 ways (my in laws contributed a bit more because of how big their family is.) and it’s just what worked for us. To me, it’s not one else’s business who pays for what, unless they’re involved in the finances. People will always have an opinion but as long as your okay with everything (it seems like you are!) that’s all that matters. 

Post # 6
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I wanted to wait until we were engaged to move in together. It was really important to me so that’s what we did. As for the wedding, I am footing the majority of the bill myself (except my grandmother paid for my dress and is paying for alterations) and FI’s family is paying for the alcohol & rehearsal dinner. FI and I thought it was important that most of his money go to his medical debt. And it works for us. 

As long as you and your FI are happy with the decisions you made, then that’s what matters. 

Post # 7
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Mango817:  My parents kicked me out of the house after college. I would have stayed forever but they gave me one year, post graduation, to leave on my own. When they saw no signs of movement, I was given 30 days notice. Had they not pushed me out of the nest, I might still be there and I may not have had the chance to meet my great guy.

Different strokes for different folks. You say you are mid-twenties. I guess that could be 23 or 24. If so, that’s not rare to hear of folks still living with their parents at that age.

Be prepared to have an eventful first year of marriage. The farts, burps, grossness, bad habits, etc are coming your way for both of you!! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

We saved up and bought a house. We then moved in and saved up to pay for our wedding. It’s pretty much the norm here, although I suspect that most people receive some sort of contribution from their parents instead of a traditional wedding gift.. we did.

Post # 9
Member
992 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Mango817:  There was huge push back from my parents on my FI and I living together before we were even engaged! However I live in FL and they live in PA and have been on my own for 6 years, 3 of which I’ve been with FI only engaged since Feb. So my parents really didn’t have a say in the situation.

My older brother and SIL both moved back in with their parents to save for the wedding even though SIL’s parents paid for the wedding. They even bought a house a few months prior to the wedding and my brother lived in it and fixed things up before they both moved in after the wedding.

My younger brother and FSIL both live with their parents and have never really lived on their own.

Personally I never thought I would be living with a SO before getting married but finacially it just didn’t make sense. Heck if I could’ve lived with my parents these past 6 years to save money and pay off my student loans I sure would have!

The other thing is I am the only girl in my family and my parents are very traditional, even with us living together my parents are still contributing if not totally paying for our wedding.

On a final note, even with my parents paying we are having the wedding we want, not something that my parents want to host. I guess it helps that we’re getting married in FL so my parents aren’t around to sway opinons but I think as parents there should be no strings.

Post # 10
Member
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I definitely agree that you shouldn’t care what your friends say (and I think it’s rude of them to be making judgements on your life in this way). Everyone’s circumstances are different, and I think it’s great that you guys are able to save up to buy your own home, which is NOT easy to do for a lot of people in their 20s. I’m also in my mid-twenties, and my BF and I are at the moment attempting to pay for the wedding ourselves (we may receive some help from our families, but we aren’t really intending to count on that just in case). However, we both live at home and after we’re married we’ll more than likely have to move into one of our parents home for another year to save up for a house of our own. Realistically we could afford to move out to an apartment directly after, but as our dream is to actually own a home of our own, it makes more sense to live somewhere for a little longer where we don’t have to pay rent.

Of course, none of this is set in stone just yet, things can always change, but at the moment this is where our plans seem to be leading us.

Post # 11
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Personally, I loved living with my DH before we got married, or even before we got engaged.  I was 20 and he was 22 when we moved in together.  We were 25 and 27 when we got married.  Anyway, I would never say to someone that they’re “stupid” or “old fashioned” if they choose to go a different route.  My DH already owned a home before I met him, and when we got engaged, he sold it and we bought our first home together.  Also, we paid for our entire wedding on our own because both of our moms are single moms and we didn’t want to inconvienence them financially.  Our dads aren’t really in the picture, so that wasn’t an option.

It’s whatever works best for you as a couple and your families…and your friends should respect that!

Post # 12
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

My husband and I were also in our mid twenties when we got married. We didn’t cohabitate. I think it makes marriage 

more exciting when you wait. But, I tend to be on the more traditional side too.

We paid for most of our wedding. It cost a grand total of around 3,500. My parents put in about 800 and my grandparents paid for 1,000.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  MrsWoods47.
Post # 13
Member
5286 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

DH and I lived together before getting married and paid for our own wedding, but I feel that no one is in a position to judge someone else’s decisions.  I am hispanic, which is a very traditional culture and it is very common to live with one’s parents until marriage and for the parents to finance the wedding.  So, to me, nothing you have said is foreign and that’s exactly how DH and I would like our children to do it.

Post # 14
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I come from a culture where it’s normal not to move out until you are married so this was completely normal in my circle.  Sometimes Americans (coworkers & aquaintances) would give me the side eye and wonder why I was still living with my parents in my upper 20’s, but whatever, dont care.  The financial benefits far outweight how much of a crap I give about what others think of my living siutation and “independance” (which is none).  We did live together before getting marred (after getting engaged) because we bought a house together (one that we could only afford because I was living at home all that time.  6 figure down payments are not easy to come by and it didnt’ cost my parents anything to live with them aside from a few more groceries so why would I piss away money at rent and utilities and everything).  And my parents did pay for my reception, but that’s becaue my parents take care of all of us and would do anything to help (not because we needed it at all, since -see above- i lived with them all that time and was saving).  Anyone can judge me all they want while I enjoy my house and financial freedom.  If you’re happy with your life and deicisions and are doing what you believe is best for you, who cares what they think.

Post # 15
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Mango817:  Two of our closes couple friends waiting until marriage to live together, and all parties were closer to 30!!  It worked for them.  FI and I have been living together for almost 3 years now.  We took a different path, but to each his own and I think there’s something sweet about waiting until marriage to live together! 

As for the contribution from parents, again, to each his/her own!  It depends on the relationship with your family, finances, how you were raised, etc.  I wouldn’t give it a second thought!   

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