- Am I Naive
- 7 years ago
Wow, so I never thought I would have to create a fake name to post something like this. I’m not making any of this up to cause drama. This is my disclaimer. I’m actually having a panic attack thinking about typing this out. Here we go.
In the month of March, my FI started to act weird and distant. I have to admit that I have been on his ass about finding a job, helping around the house, and a million other things. We sadly became one of those couples that fought about money all the time. I wasn’t being supportive anymore. I wasn’t being happy that he was actually applying for jobs. I got it into my head that he was just being lazy and didn’t care, so that caused some tension.
Finally one day I told myself that I need to stop being so critical towards him. He knows he needs to look for a job and doesn’t need me reminding him every day about it.
One night towards the end of the month I was gathering dishes from the computer room and his Skype was up and one of his friends had asked him “If he was really getting married.” Now, I’ve always had a problem with this girl because she seemed to stalk his Facebook page and just seemed like a needy 20 year old. He didn’t answer her because he had gone to the bathroom. Instead of blowing it up and flipping out, I went to him later and asked him myself if he was ready to marry me. I knew we were fighting a lot, but I wanted to know if he was ready. He told me yes.
The next night we somehow got into the conversation again and it all came out. He felt like he rushed between relationships, that he wasn’t ready to be a step father, that he has never had time to be single because he’s always been in a relationship in his 20’s. He didn’t know if he was using me to fill a hole that his previous relationship caused, ect. So we decided that instead of a “break” we would focus on letting him have “man time” He felt like I was stopping him from hanging out with his friends and what not. That was Friday night.
Sunday night we were sitting on the couch and his phone fell out of his pocket. Of course I did the crazy bitch thing and went through it while hiding it under the blanket. That girl and him were having a conversation the night he spent the night at his friends house (Saturday) and she was saying how she wanted to make out in the rain with him and all this dumb shit. And he responded “We can do that” AHHH! So I flipped my shit right there and then. Threw his phone at him. Told him that if he was going to have conversations like that then he needs to delete them.
So that leads to a 6 hour back and forth discussion, argument, him saying that he’s leaving, me crying and throwing his shit into the hallway, us crying together picking up the shit in the hallway and then finally a resolution. He said that he didn’t have the balls to tell me on Friday that he wanted to just take a break. He wanted to get all of this out of his system. He said that he shouldn’t be thinking about other women and that because of all of our fighting he was liking the attention that she was giving him. He said it calmed him down because he knew when I walked through the door, I would be complaining about something he hadn’t done. He said that he wanted “us” back. The us that was when we first got back together. He said somewhere along the line, we stopped being lovers and friends. We were just two people having sex and spending our time together.
After my initial shock, I realized he was right. There were times I felt like we were nothing more than roommates. He said that we should take a break, make ourselves happy first, become friends again, and then try this again.
He questioned if I could trust him and I told him that I forgave him.
So here we are about a month later. We are laughing together more, our sex is better, I’m not angry at him for wanting to play Xbox with his friends, he’s not constantly yelling at me, and it feels like we are really getting closer. He’s been making dinner and doing dishes, I am not coming home angry, we actually text each other more during the day, ect….but we are on a break. So I’ve been out a few times with this guy from another branch to my office and he’s been planning on meeting this girl in about a few weeks. I know they are going to have sex. At first I hated the idea, but we aren’t together right now. Last night I had a mini panic attack in the shower because I thought theey would fall in love and in the end he would leave me. So after a month of nothing but peace and joy, I cried to him. He told me that it’s not happening because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He just wants to have fun and feel single. If he wanted to be in a relationship, our break would be over.
So I agreed and calmed down. In an unrelated topic, we are having money issues because he is still not working (has interviews left and right, but never an offer) and I suggested we just sell my engagement ring. He said “Not an option” and I asked why. We needed the money. He said because then he would have to buy me another one later.
So me being a girl kinda does a victory dance in my head BUT if he said he would have to buy me another one later, why are we even doing this stupid break!? Is he just using it as an excuse to sleep with her and flirt with all of his girl friends? Am I being fucking stupid right now to even allow this? Am I this desperate to keep him in my life that I go along with the “let’s be friends first” excuse?
My god, how did things turn out to be like this? I’m sorry this is so long. I’m trying to put everything out there. I know not many of you have been in this kind of situation, but I appreciate any advice or encouragement or an e-smack to the face.
I feel so naive right now. Thanks to those who made it this far.