Am I totally in the wrong? Truly want advice. (Re-posted, long.)

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

If I understand the situation correctly, I think the best thing to do is wait until the brother has moved out completely and then move in with your fiancée. Even moving your things in while he is moving out should be avoided if it can be. 

If he keeps being nasty, your fiancée should step in and arrange things so that his brother isn’t given opportunities to mistreat you. This is his family member, not yours. You’ve dealt with this man enough. 

Post # 4
Member
4216 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would not move in with a group of other adults not capable of cohabitating. If your fiance wants to live with you, you should be getting an apartment together, not trying to live with these basket cases. 

Post # 6
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your FBIL is a rental under the lease agreement.  If he does not want an extra roommate, he can decide that you cannot live there.  His girlfriend might visit a lot, but she doesn’t live there.  There is a big difference.

From my perspective, the $280-290 a month to his parents to live with them wouldn’t bug me.  However, someone living basically rent free while I pay for months would really upset me.  Give him some space and his time. 

In the meantime, if you aren’t receiving benefits (which it sounds like you aren’t), make getting a job, any job, your full time job.  Get something part time for spending money (a hotel once a month with your fiance is $100 and will help the relationship).  Then spend your free time looking for something more permanent. 

You and your husband are adults and can figure out your own living situation and can schedule time to see one another.

Post # 8
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I’m reading this correctly – FBIL is moving out, so why would he have a problem with you moving in? He won’t be there anymore! My bigger concern would be the other roommate – would he still be there. I would talk to him about this possibility. Maybe on speaker phone with your fiance.

Post # 10
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@incog-bee-to:  I didn’t realize you guys lived 6 states away.  Unfortunately, outside of saving money to see him or saving money to move there, you don’t have many options. 

His roommate (even if it’s his brother) can block you from moving in.  I know it’s hard, but you may have to wait a few months until the FBIL moves out and you can sit down with the other roommate and come up with an agreement.

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