Am I turning into bridezilla?!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

anachild:  Yes, you are crazy. It is your wedding, but it’s also her baby we’re talking about. Don’t force her to do anything. Trust her that she will get the dress on time and show up to your wedding, since that’s all you needed her to do. The first thing on her mind will always be her baby, not your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If she knows the last minute deadline for ordering, and the amount of time it takes to be delivered,  I  think you ought to leave it to MOH, who is a capable adult,  to take care of her own dress.    What is the worst thing that can happen?  She’ll have to pay for a rush delivery? Drop out of the wedding party?  

Post # 4
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

Totally get your frustration OP. Not sure what your timeline is, so my advice may not apply

Since you’ve given your BMs options for dresses, she could always find something last minute. However, I don’t think you should be obligated to await this inevitable dress hunt. 

Maybe go from this point of view: tell your MOH that you want to minimize her stress as much as possible, so “offer up” the option of buying the dress a few sizes up to ensure that you all can always have it altered a bit down. If there’s still lots of time before the dresses need to be ordered, then cut her some slack for a few more weeks. But if the deadline is looming, then get on that. 

Post # 5
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you should leave her be. If she’s a good friend and a responsible person normally, I would have faith in her that she’ll buy the dress when she’s ready. I can imagine that shopping for a bridesmaid dress that she may or may not fit into later on would be the last of her priorities right now. 

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

anachild:  How long until your wedding, and how pregnant will she be at your wedding?

I say let her pick it when she wants to. Also, the worst morning sickness only lasts for a while for many women. Is your wedding far enough away that you can bring this up again in a month or two when she should be feeling a bit better? You’re not being bridezilla, but I do think you need to back off her for a while. Especially if she’s usually reliable, it will be alright!

Post # 9
Member
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

She probably feels out of control with her body right now what with the sickness and fear of losing her baby as you mentioned; the thought of guessing her size or wondering if she’ll even still be pregnant at the time is probably upsetting and frustrating and stressful all rolled into one right now. 

I suggest you give her space and trust that she’ll get it done, assuming she’s normally a reasonably responsible person 🙂 I know that stresses you out, but if you want to keep her as your MoH this is what needs to happen.

Post # 10
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

In your situation for your own peace of mind in terms of both knowing the dress situation is sorted but also so you don’t feel bad about hassling your friend – I eould buy a dress for her myself so worst case scenario you have one sorted.  If and when she manages to get one herself then you can sell it.

i do realise my advice is different since it the UK it is customary and pretty much expected that bridesmaids have their dresses bought for them!

Post # 11
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

anachild:  I’m sorry, but you are being a little crazy. If she’s afraid of losing the pregnancy, there really isn’t room for any other worries in her mind. If she orders up a dress in a maternity style or larger size and miscarries, the dress will be a really cruel reminder. Since you’ve given her a range of dresses to pick from, let her grab one last minute. I’ve done it in a wedding before and it worked out beautifully. 

Post # 12
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The advantage of what you’ve done with the mismatched dress plan is that there’s a really broad range of dresses that’ll work, so it should be fairly easy to find something that’ll work. Try and relax at the moment, your friend doesnt need any extra stress at the moment and it sounds like the dress situation will work out just fine.

Post # 13
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

anachild:  A baby doesn’t make your stress less valid.  This is going to sound insensitive, but it’s just that your stress is about something less important. Baby always trumps wedding, that’s sort of the rules of life.  You said it was a long road for her to get pregnant and she’s worried about losing the baby. That tells me she’s got bigger things on her mind than a dress, and if she’s your MOH, she’s one of your best, closest friends, right?  So shouldn’t your real concern in this situation be making sure she’s as supported and un-stressed as possible?

Look, I get that you’re a planner. But you picked a really pretty and really easy color palette and style range.  She’ll have some flexibility in what she buys, plus it’s not a huge deal if she’s a little different from the other girls since she’s the MOH.  She probably shouldn’t buy a dress now; if she doesn’t grow, the alterations will cost more than the dress (if she buys a few sizes up), if she does grow, she might grow more than expected, and then you’re back in this boat anyway, but a couple weeks before your wedding.  Once she’s into the pregnancy a bit, feeling hopefully a little more stable in a few months, she’ll probably feel more comfortable ordering a dress. She’s one of your closest friends, she knows how important your wedding is to you.  She would never purposely sabotage your day anymore than you would purpose sabotage hers.  Just support her, be there for her when she needs you, and trust that she will do the same for you.

Post # 14
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

anachild:  my pregnant MOH ordered her dress when the rest of the bridal party did. two sizes up to accomodate for belly.  Well, her dress doesn’t fit.  She should have waited but I encouraged her to buy then. Be patient because purchasing a dress now does not mean that dress will be wearable, it just means she physically possesses a dress for your peace of mind.  Which, when you discover two months before your wedding that it doesn’t fit, does NOT provide any peace of mind when you REALLY need it.

Post # 15
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

anachild:  It’s not supportive but that’s the reality, as well as for all pregnant women out there. Their little bundle of joy will always trump any event around them. We’re talking about a life that is forming. Stress could also cause miscarriages: http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20030605/how-stress-causes-miscarriage

So let her be. If it’s affecting your wedding this much, like others have pointed out, offer her an out.

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