am i ungrateful?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@bretonvirgniia:  I agree that this is not fair – you have based your decisions on their financial support. If I were you, I would have gotten the money upfront before I invited more people than I could afford. You can’t always count on people to keep their word. I guess it depends on if they gave you an exact figure, how they phrased it, and a whole lot of other details. However, I don’t think:

There is also no reasonable explanation why they can’t help us out with what they said they would…they make the same as my parents and have no real financial burdens…

is a fair statement. You have no idea what other people are going through and there may be some things you are not privvy too. I do agree with you that they should have kept their word, but it’s not like they signed a contract and have to give you this money. You were the one who signed the contract, so I guess now you will need a low interest LOC.

Perhaps some of these 110 guests won’t show up :- It’s a shitty place to be in, and I know it’s hard to be objective when you’re in the middle of the situation. But there is fault on both sides – I would have set up something where they paid vendors directly or wrote a cheque in advance. You can’t put yourself out to invite their guests.

Post # 4
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@bretonvirgniia:  Call the parties in default and ask when they’ll be contacting the guests that need to be uninvited because they welched in the financial department.

Post # 5
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Nona99:  +1. The extra guests that they wanted should be made to know that the reason they have now been uninvited is because monies that were promised were never received, and unfortunately, short of selling body parts, you can’t make that money come out of nowhere.

Post # 10
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That is SO messed up of his parents! I’d be angry, too!!!

I would definitely say something.  I’m not sure what your relationship with your future in-laws is like, so maybe go through your FI? I’d calmly tell them what you told us, just the facts: that both sets of parents wanted to invite more people, now you are short X amount of money to pay your vendors, your parents held up their end of the bargain, and be specific about how much is needed.  I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

 

Post # 11
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Have you asked them why they promised to contribute a certain amount and arent doing so? I mean maybe straight up asking them will clarify things.

Post # 12
Member
13021 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Have Fiance talk to them. That’s messed up, you don’t promise something and then not follow through.  Especially when plans were changed to accomadate you based on those promises.

Post # 13
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@bretonvirgniia:  I know they are family, but when it comes to money, people can be funny. I would have treated them like clients, or at the very least not based all my decisions on money I didn’t have yet. If they are so open about finances, then I’d just ask them when you can expect the rest of the money. I don’t agree with the PPs who said you should univite guests – that is going to look terrible and reflect on you, even if it isn’t your fault. I’m sure not everyone will attend, so hopefully you can get your numbers down.

Kidneys are like $20,000 to $40,000 😛

Post # 14
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@bretonvirgniia:  Wow. It REALLY sucks that they pressured you to have a bigger wedding on the promise of helping and are now backing out. I would sit them down and just “vent” that we can’t afford to pay since “financing has changed”. If they don’t immediately step up, seriously just tell them they have to call their extra guests and cancel. If you get RSVPs from the extras, give them to FILs and tell them again that they have to cancel. 

Post # 15
Member
2665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Well, looks like they will be calling great aunt Sally and telling her she can’t go. 

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