Post # 1
Kind of long…
So I’m an only child with 3 stepsisters. We became stepsisters later in life – I was 14 and my stepsisters were 13, 23 and 26 so we were never really super sisterly since I never lived with the two older ones and we didn’t grow up together. We’ve been stepsisters for about 13 years now. The younger one and I do not speak for unrelated reasons to this post, but I get along well with the other two – we hang out, I take care of their kids sometimes, get together for some holidays, text, etc.
Well on December 10th I was in an accident and part of my leg was crushed. I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta (brittle bone condition) and have broken over 30 bones so I’m very lucky to have left my totaled car with only a broken leg. Still, the fracture is terrible and I’m out of commission for 16 weeks. Not only that, but upon xraying my leg they found a problem with a rod that I have in my femur, which means that after I recover from this I’m going to have to get that taken care of. It’ll be a very complicated surgery and due to having had a doctor make a mistake in the past (which left me unable to walk ever again) you could say that this news stressed me out a bit, hah. So I was extremely upset and emotional about it directly after the accident and hearing all this news. This is definitely not going to be my year.
Not only this, but I have to stay with my parents because my DH can’t drive me to work everyday (I normally commute an hour to my office) and he cant pick me up out of the car by himself with the way the brace is on my leg. My parents are lifting me up together and putting me in the “trunk” of their SUV. So I’m upset that I’m stuck at their house for the next 11 weeks (and probably longer bc I’ll need therapy), especially after having just gotten married in October. All that I do is go to work and then sit at home on the couch since my leg is still pretty tender and I have to be careful of the bones shifting. So yeah, I’ve been super down about life lately (though yes, I know I’m VERY lucky in so many ways). Anyway, after the accident so many of my friends and co-workers came to the hospital and my parents’ house to see me. They sent cards and made visits just so that I wasn’t sitting around all day by myself. But neither of my stepsisters have come to see me. Oh and one of them literally lives one street over from my parents’ house. You can walk there in less than 5 minutes. I tried to rationalize it – it was the holiday season and they were busy, work, etc etc, but its hard when they post things on Facebook about what they’re doing and you can clearly see that they aren’t that busy. My stepfather and I are close, but he is just defending them and making lame excuses. And no, they didn’t come see me on or around Xmas either. Not at all. Not once.
I mean – would you be upset? Its been 5 weeks for crap’s sake! But my stepfather is making me feel like I’m such a bad, crazy person for judging them for this. No, I’m not going to confront them or create an awkward situation or anything, but I feel that I have the right to be hurt by this. It has certainly lessened my opinion of them. Anyway, I’m just a pathetic little bee feeling sorry for herself right now lol :-/ Am I crazy and unreasonable??
Post # 3
@adoc86: I’m very glad you are okay! As far as you being upset towards your step sisters, have you tired calling them to come over? Sometimes people think in situtions as intense as yours, that it’s best to give you space, because everyone and their mother is fretting. I know it’s upsetting you so try and reach out to them. If they ignore you after you’ve reached out to them, then they truely aren’t worth your time.
Post # 4
@DuckyPDuckerson: I haven’t called them just because I think it might be awkward and put them on the spot. I know that my mom has reached out to them twice though and told them that I was kind of down and lonely and would like them to visit. Still nothing. I guess I’m already reaching the point of thinking that they aren’t worth my time.
Post # 5
@adoc86: I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be hurt. They are definitely being rude.
But some people (perhaps your stepsisters are among them) are NOT good in crisis situations or are not good around illness, so they avoid it. Some people aren’t good at reading cues and understanding that they are needed or wanted. And some people don’t want to come visit someone who’s ill without an explicit invitation from that person. (I definitely fall into this final category!) I don’t want to explain away their rudeness; I just want to offer up a perspective that perhaps there’s a reason why they seem to be acting this way that is unrelated to how they feel about *you* as their stepsister.
If the relationship was one I valued, I would probably call or text and let them know I’d love to see them sometime soon and then leave the ball in their court. If they make up a lame excuse, well, maybe they aren’t worth your time after all. But since they’re family with whom you were previously on good terms, I’d probably at least make an effort before totally writing them off.
Also, I’m so sorry to hear about your accident; I hope your recovery is going well.
Post # 6
@sailor_girl: Those a good points and could very well be the case, though one of them is a nurse so I don’t think illness bothers her, but who knows, maybe because its family its different. I’m certainly not going to write them off yet because we do all get along pretty well, but at the same time I do think you find out who your friends are during times like these. Thanks for your reply!
Post # 7
@adoc86: Yes, I would be upset. In my family, you show up. That’s just what you do.
It’s possible that they think you want your time alone. If you’re really bothered by it you could reach out to them and ask them to come for a visit. Some people don’t know how to react in these situations.
Post # 8
They have lives and children to deal with and regardless of what you see on Facebook, that takes up a lot of time. Have they called?
Post # 9
@adoc86: First of all, *big hugs* to you from across the pond! Your accident on top of your original condition sounds so frightening, not to even mention needing another surgery. You’re such an awesome, strong woman – I would be throwing myself a major pity party every 5 minutes.
So no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! That’s just wrong of your stepsisters, period. You’re very kind for giving them the benefit of the doubt because of the holiday season – I think it’s especially rude of them that they ignored you for the holidays, knowing you were out of commission.
I agree with sailor_girl that some people are bad in a crisis. I’m one of those people, I never know what to say to someone who’s in pain or has had something terrible happen to them. But they could very well just show up nevertheless, bring you some flowers or chocolates and give you a hug! You have every right to be hurt.
What a bummer that you and DH can’t be together so shortly after you wedding. I wish you a super speedy recovery! You’re a superstar, just so you know 🙂
Post # 10
@cbgg: yeah, I thought that might be the case during the first couple of weeks. I think when my mom mentioned to them that I’d love to have visitors and had already had quite a few, but they still didn’t come is when it started to bother me. I just don’t want to call and make them feel obligated, I guess. One of their birthdays was a few days ago and they had a celebration at the sister’s house that is just one street over from where I’m staying. I genuinely thought they would probably come by that day, but nope.
@DJones69: I totally understand that people have busy lives, but not even one visit/call in 5 weeks when you live literally less than 2 minutes away? No calls at all – just one FB message from one of them that said, “glad you’re okay!” I don’t know, its just completely the opposite of what I would do for them or any friend so maybe thats why it bothers me. Maybe I’m being too harsh.
Post # 11
[content moderated for personal attack]
Post # 12
@adoc86: ohh man yes that kind of sucks. Only one Facebook message, I would have at least thought a few text messages as well if you arent going to stop by or call.
This would upset me, but sometimes people just get wrapped up in their own lives. Maybe they also don’t know how serious it is since they haven’t been to see you? There is no excuse though. That is not cool. I guess when you recover a little less baby sitting for them or going out of your way. I would text the one that is close and just say “hey i miss you! moms house is so boring please come visit” or “its been too long since I have seen you and you need to sign my cast” something along those lines.
I know you shouldn’t have to send a message like that to see your own step sisters, but it may get the ball rolling on her coming to visit. If she still doesnt, then you can see she clearly is selfish.
Post # 13
@DJones69: WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO NASTY?!
Without fail – I’ll read a comment here on the bee and look over, wondering who wrote this nasty comment, and sure enough it’s usually DJones69.
“….but I can think of a whole lot of other things I’d like to do that don’t encompass sitting in a house staring at you and listening to how bad you feel.”
Seriously? WTF is your problem?
Post # 14
@adoc86: What a terrible situation. I’m sure you’ve already considered this, but is there any way you can just work from home until you’re recovered? It doesn’t sound like travel is especially easy or comfortable for you, and I’m sure it’s not great being apart from your new husband! Is your house close by at least? Any way he can stay with your parents too?
As for your stepsisters, have they called or texted? Some people are uncomfortable around hurt people and don’t know what to say. It’s not an excuse but if you aren’t that close, maybe they have decided to just skip the awkwardness. I would absolutely be pissed and think the behaviour is shitty but there’s nothing you can do. I’d try and focus on the people who have been there for you.
Post # 15
@DJones69: yikes! Lol okay. I kind of expected a 10 minute visit, not an all day affair with a marathon of my tears or anything. I’m not looking for someone to feel sorry for me, I just expected some support (especially from family). Big difference.
@leisha606: One of them sent me a FB message the day after the accident to say that she was glad I was okay. Nothing since then.
@MsMeow: you’re so sweet, thanks so much! I’m starting to think maybe I’m being a beyotch about this with some of these responses. I guess I didn’t realize my expectations were so unrealistically high.
Post # 16
@DJones69: Families have to stick together. My dad was in the hospital and I dragged my ass there every day after work to see him. I think we can sacrifice a little bit of our free time to visit a family member or friend in need. Unless you live a life where you’re totally absorbed in your own world and don’t care about anyone else, I really don’t understand the justification of not giving up ten minutes of your life for someone you care about.
I’d hope we are a little more selfless than that.