Am I unreasonable to be kind of hurt by this?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@adoc86:  I’m very glad you are okay! As far as you being upset towards your step sisters, have you tired calling them to come over? Sometimes people think in situtions as intense as yours, that it’s best to give you space, because everyone and their mother is fretting. I know it’s upsetting you so try and reach out to them. If they ignore you after you’ve reached out to them, then they truely aren’t worth your time. 

Post # 5
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@adoc86:  I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be hurt.  They are definitely being rude.

But some people (perhaps your stepsisters are among them) are NOT good in crisis situations or are not good around illness, so they avoid it.  Some people aren’t good at reading cues and understanding that they are needed or wanted.  And some people don’t want to come visit someone who’s ill without an explicit invitation from that person.  (I definitely fall into this final category!)  I don’t want to explain away their rudeness; I just want to offer up a perspective that perhaps there’s a reason why they seem to be acting this way that is unrelated to how they feel about *you* as their stepsister.

If the relationship was one I valued, I would probably call or text and let them know I’d love to see them sometime soon and then leave the ball in their court.  If they make up a lame excuse, well, maybe they aren’t worth your time after all.  But since they’re family with whom you were previously on good terms, I’d probably at least make an effort before totally writing them off.

Also, I’m so sorry to hear about your accident; I hope your recovery is going well.

Post # 7
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@adoc86:  Yes, I would be upset.  In my family, you show up.  That’s just what you do.  

It’s possible that they think you want your time alone.  If you’re really bothered by it you could reach out to them and ask them to come for a visit.  Some people don’t know how to react in these situations.

Post # 8
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

They have lives and children to deal with and regardless of what you see on Facebook, that takes up a lot of time. Have they called?

Post # 9
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@adoc86:  First of all, *big hugs* to you from across the pond! Your accident on top of your original condition sounds so frightening, not to even mention needing another surgery. You’re such an awesome, strong woman – I would be throwing myself a major pity party every 5 minutes. 

So no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! That’s just wrong of your stepsisters, period. You’re very kind for giving them the benefit of the doubt because of the holiday season – I think it’s especially rude of them that they ignored you for the holidays, knowing you were out of commission. 

I agree with sailor_girl that some people are bad in a crisis. I’m one of those people, I never know what to say to someone who’s in pain or has had something terrible happen to them. But they could very well just show up nevertheless, bring you some flowers or chocolates and give you a hug! You have every right to be hurt. 

What a bummer that you and DH can’t be together so shortly after you wedding. I wish you a super speedy recovery! You’re a superstar, just so you know 🙂

Post # 11
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

[content moderated for personal attack]

Post # 12
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

@adoc86:  ohh man yes that kind of sucks. Only one Facebook message, I would have at least thought a few text messages as well if you arent going to stop by or call.

This would upset me, but sometimes people just get wrapped up in their own lives. Maybe they also don’t know how serious it is since they haven’t been to see you? There is no excuse though. That is not cool. I guess when you recover a little less baby sitting for them or going out of your way. I would text the one that is close and just say “hey i miss you! moms house is so boring please come visit” or “its been too long since I have seen you and you need to sign my cast” something along those lines.

I know you shouldn’t have to send a message like that to see your own step sisters, but it may get the ball rolling on her coming to visit. If she still doesnt, then you can see she clearly is selfish.

Post # 13
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@DJones69:  WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO NASTY?!

 

Without fail – I’ll read a comment here on the bee and look over, wondering who wrote this nasty comment, and sure enough it’s usually DJones69. 

“….but I can think of a whole lot of other things I’d like to do that don’t encompass sitting in a house staring at you and listening to how bad you feel.”

Seriously?  WTF is your problem? 

Post # 14
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@adoc86:  What a terrible situation. I’m sure you’ve already considered this, but is there any way you can just work from home until you’re recovered? It doesn’t sound like travel is especially easy or comfortable for you, and I’m sure it’s not great being apart from your new husband! Is your house close by at least? Any way he can stay with your parents too? 

As for your stepsisters, have they called or texted? Some people are uncomfortable around hurt people and don’t know what to say. It’s not an excuse but if you aren’t that close, maybe they have decided to just skip the awkwardness. I would absolutely be pissed and think the behaviour is shitty but there’s nothing you can do. I’d try and focus on the people who have been there for you. 

 

Post # 16
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@DJones69:  Families have to stick together. My dad was in the hospital and I dragged my ass there every day after work to see him. I think we can sacrifice a little bit of our free time to visit a family member or friend in need. Unless you live a life where you’re totally absorbed in your own world and don’t care about anyone else, I really don’t understand the justification of not giving up ten minutes of your life for someone you care about.

I’d hope we are a little more selfless than that. 

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