Weddingbee boards

The plot thickens.......please be frank with me waiting bees.....I think that I'm doing what's right for me by waiting.....and so does my family and church community.....but something that Shutterbug said reminded me of Mr. Bee's plan....which I've implemented to interesting results. I just need opinions and feedback on the situation.

Shutterbug and I met in October of 2009, began dating in December 2009, officially became a couple in June of 2010....and he dumped me right before last Christmas saying that we might get back together in the future and that nothing will change between us, except the romance.

On NYE we began a FWB relationship that was exactly like what we had before. Minus the title of "BF" or "GF". I told him that I was still sure that he was the one, and that I'd wait forever for him. Everyone (except his family and my Mother) insisted that he was my BF. He went as my date to every major event in my life (Balls, government luncheons, ectera) and played the complete Father role with my three year old from my previous marriage.Slept over all of the time....ectera.

I thought that everything was hunky dory until last Wednesday when he told me after some prompting that we were not dating, that we needed to stop sleepovers and doing the deed for awhile, and that I was getting way into his personal life. He said "You act like we're on a date everytime we go somewhere, like I'm your man. We're just friends! You keep holding out for the happy marriage and picket fence and kids life and you need to live your own life! I need space! If you keep acting like this for the next two months, we'll have to break off the friendship for awhile."

So, I did. I didn't call him and got involved in personal activities. On Sunday night, he called me asking what time he needed to be at my house to pick up my daughter from her Dad's house and if I'd found a job yet. He called when a very interesting TV show had just come on and while we talked of small things for ten minutes , I excused myself from the conversation and went back to watching TV.

I've never done that before.

So....am I waiting....or am I delusional?

He's told you what he is thinking.  He's not your boyfriend in his eyes, and you should not be his girlfriend.

You need to move on.

HE wants all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship with you. Think if this relationship is the sort of example you want to set for your child. From here, it looks like he is a waste of your time.

Thanks for the kick in the pants.

If and when (he will....he's the only person in my life who is willing to drive the 110 mile round trip to pick my daughter from her Dad's each week, as I don't have a license or a car....working on both....my ExH doesn't drive either...long story.) he calls, should I just treat him as someone that I know, but leave it at that. If he asks why I'm behaving this way, what should I say? 'I'm just living my life', sounds like a good answer to me. 

@wolfpackforever: Okay, I don't want to sound harsh in any way, as I understand it must have really hurt to actually hear those words come from his mouth.

However, I wholeheartedly agree with the PPs. You need to stop seeing this man. ASAP. Yes, it will be hard, because this has gone on for a while... but frankly, it has to be done. This treatment has to stop.

Think of your child. Use your daughter as inspiration. Believe me, coming from someone who watched her mother go through terrible, disrespectful relationships... you don't want this for your baby. I don't care if this guy drives across the flippin' country to pick up/drop off your daughter. He is not the example you want her seeing as a father figure. Or even a male figure in general. He is disrespectful. He doesn't care about anyone but himself and getting what he wants.

And even more than that, for the sake of your daughter's future relationships, you don't want her seeing him treat you this way and thinking that's how relationships are. Trust me, there are tons of men out there who wouldn't even dream of treating a woman this way. There are men out there who WANT to be in relationships, who WANT to fall in love and who WANT to get married.

Please, not just for your own peace of mind, self-esteem, and sanity... but also for your daughter's... say goodbye to this guy.

We're all here for you. *HUGS*

I'll stay around (here) I mean. I asked for truth and other points of view....and I got them. You guys are nice. 

Just reinforced what I had been feeling like inside, but had never said to others. 

I just need to find someone to fetch my daughter. I need to think about how to find another "ferry-er" as I don't have any other friends and no one from my church wants to get involved. Shutterbug and his immediate family attend ALL of the three churches of our denomination in the area....so the solution to avoid him is just to attend a different service time, I think.

The short version of the situation:

I have an extended protection order against my ex-husband. He was emotionally abusive and when I left him, his Mother took him in and he has been living at her house ever since. We have joint custody of our daughter. They live an hour and fifteen minutes away and there is no public transportation to the area. His Mother used to do the ferrying back and forth of our daughter but flat out refused to do it anymore due to the wear and tear on her vehicle and the stress level of the driving + her work schedule, at least both ways.

So transport advice for my daughter would also be really helpful. I'm in the process of buying a vehicle and getting my license before Summer begins, so this won't be a problem in in about six weeks.

@Oneeleven: There is none. Otherwise that would be a perfect solution.

@Bellanouva: I have no family within 500 miles. ExH's  family except for his Mom/Stepdad lives 250 miles in the opposite direction from him.

I am looking at having them drive to Reno (which is equidistant and his Mom works there anyway) and catching the public bus into town to get her, then turning back around. That would involve an overnight stay in Reno however. I'm willing to do it, however if it means that my daughter is with me and able to spend time with me.)

@Neva: He doesn't have a license or car either. The entire situation is bizzare.

@Miss Apricot: That's what I was thinking.

If public transportation is an issue, maybe you can do what my friend did when she and her ex lived an hour apart, they met in the middle at a public location.  That way they each bore part of the burden of transport.  They also used to do exchanges at the police station when relations were particularly nasty.  Their son would dash from car door to car door in the parking lot.  Neither adult would leave their cars in the presence of the other.  Good luck.

@Neva: She says "No." I really think that its a time/quality of life factor in conjunction with the other issues.

Take care of yourself and leave him. He is not the one for you. If he sleeps over in your bed all the time, then you should rightfully be bf and gf. Friends don't do that and just stay friends. He is no good if he can't make a real commitment to you. There are other guys out there, including the real one for you who will treat you right. 

Move on... he's not interested.

About the man situation: There ARE a few guys that I have been interested in asking out for coffee or lunch....but because of my position and because of who they are....are actually off limits. :( Hehe. I'll find the right man....probably when I stop looking for him. :)

@tarlonda: It says that his family is responsible.